Hello Dryer Repair

Wow. That's quite a tough situation. I don't have any helpful personal experience, but I did recently read Parenting Teens with Love and Logic by Foster W. Cline, M.D., and Jim Fay (updated edition). It is a good, quick read, and quite good. I really think it could give you some helpful suggestions and very specific strategies for handling the many issues your stepdaughter is throwing your way. www.loveandlogic.com (also available at most public libraries). I wish you the best.

Wow. This is indeed a tough one, but here's a few thoughts. VERY IMPORTANT.....YOU are the stepmom, and steps are NEVER to be the disciplinarian in the step-kids' lives ; sorry. This was on Oprah, w/ a noted psychologist. You are to be the adviser, IF ASKED, and the "auntie" to any stepkids, so as to keep your position a friendly and healthy one...A person they may go to in times of anxiety. You missed on that one, no offense. Second, there is a HUGE diff betw a 16 and 19 yr old. I am horrified that you got her FIRED from her job...She is legal, and sounds as if she is QUITE capable of getting her OWN self fired! Hard as it is, she has to find her way, make her mistakes, etc. The kicking out HAS to be her parents' decision, not yours. You may, however, set the rules clearly, so you two have a more peaceful home. Throwing her out at this point would most prob put her INTO harm's way, as she is lost from the sounds of it. You can agree to have her call when she is intoxicated, so NO ONE GETS HURT; then set the repercussions for this ahead of time. She still needs a safe haven; pot and drinking are bad, but there are soo many WORSE things! Make sure she has birth control....Help to protect her, while setting limits. Everyone should know they have someone to call when they have made a bad decision; get her home safe 1st, then deal with what shall be done-agreed upon betw the parents ahead of time, so all are on the same page. I know she's illegal to drink, but is still past 18...WAY diff than a 16 yr old hs student. Best to all of you.

You can't really make someone quit until they hit their bottom. Have you tried Al-Anon meetings- they have people there going through the same things and can give you a support group to get ideas from. Sometimes tough love is the answer- but it has to be something that all of the parents agree to.

Hi D., this is C.. Sounds like you have a "monster" on your hands- and I am talking about the issue and not the individual. Whenever you decide to make decisions that have to deal with the deviant behavior of young adults remember that you are deciding that action with the "issue at hand" in mind verses the person.

Advice is just advice. In my opinion people who have had experience in what you are dealing with (not educational) but real life experience will be your best advisors. Also you have to take into consideration the "climate" in which attributes to the deviant behavior. As parents (and I disagree with the notion that step parents are not supposed to be disciplinarians-when you marry you take on the entire package, and decisions are joint and not one-sided. If the husband is unwilling to step up, but you are-then HE is wrong...anyway) it is hard to get into the minds of our youth of today-because of how different society is compared to when we were young...but the bible does not change, no matter how far left our priorities tend to swing far to the left. The scrpitures stand true, and will, when all else fails. Children are to obey and respect parents in everything-point blank. But if parents will not show ways in which they can be respected (and shrugging of the responsibility of discipline is one) then any type of advice won't make sense.

At some point, our kids will transition from being our responsibility, to being held accountable to the Lord. This is the posture your daughter is in. So to that I say, let her go-give her to God. Detach yourself spiritually from her antics, but remain connected to her lovingly. Be there for her when she is ready for serious help-otherwise you will lose yourself, and won't be any good for anything else. Pray for her daily, but also pray for yourself-to be ready to endure what will come next...