C.W.
E.- I feel your pain. We are going through something similar with our almost 4 yo. As far as naps go, many children give up their naps by age 3, and I find this is often related to the time they get up in the morning and how much activity they have (ex: a child that gets up at 6A or a child who has much structured activity through a daycare all day, may need a nap, but if they get up at 8 or 9, they probably won't). I have instituted "quiet time" where from 130-330 she has to go to her room and she can quietly do whatever she wants. The 2 helpful things I have tried recently are, a. the TV goes off at 115, and b. I try to always get her up at 330, even if she falls asleep at 3, otherwise, nightime is a nightmare. As for nighttime, mine doesn't yet get out of bed, but will scream for hours. Gradually over the last couple of days this has gotten a little better. If your boy gets out of bed, I don't know if you ever watch Nanny 911 or Supernanny (I know, it can be unrealistic and is probably staged), but frequently they have that situation. The first time, you tell the child, "it's bedtime." and you put them back to bed. No other converstation is given. The second time and all other times they are up that night, you give them no conversation or eye contact and you don't indicate how annoyed you are, and you put them back to bed. If they sense your agitation or you engage them in conversation, they realize that what they are doing is working and they keep it up. Most of the people on that show go through about an exhausting 2-3 hours of putting their kids back to bed the first night, and 1-2 hours the second, and by the third or fourth night, if they stick with it, their kids are back in bed. A lot of parents have also told me to give a sticker or reward chart if they stay in bed all night. You should also strip his room of most of his most prized toys until he can stay in bed. A pediatrician I work with told me that it will probably be 3 weeks of hell and eventually it will get better. I am at week 3 right now. I find that shutting off the TV an hour before bed also helps. I liked the melatonin suggestion from another mom. I'll have to discuss that one with the ped.
As far as why he hates sleeping, he probably doesn't. But 4 year olds have vivid imaginations and they don't want to miss out on anything. He probably thinks you guys are having these wonderful parties without him and he is missing out.
Let me know if anything works for you!