Having Trouble Communicating with My 14 Yr Old Son Who Has Asperger's Syndrome

Updated on November 27, 2011
C.W. asks from Sedalia, MO
4 answers

my son was just diagonosed with asperger's early spring of this year & we've not done a lot of anything about it...he's generally not too hard to get along with, so we didn't seek out anyone to help us communicate with him/to help him communicate better with others. he has 4 close friends that he plays with..3 of them that he's had for years, one that he made friends with earlier this school year, and a fairly new acquantance that he's had over & sits at the lunch table with, but i don't think we'd consider him "close". anyway, these last few weeks, my son has had a horrible attitude...he didn't take the bus a couple mondays back & just walked around lost for a couple hours after school...nobody knew where he was & we were worried sick about him...a stranger picked him up & fortunately he wasn't a maniac (thank God!!), then the following monday, my son cut class...he just walked out & left the campus after third hour was over & again walked around wandering the town for hours before anyone knew where he was...he ended up at his cousin's house who was sick that day - he said this wasn't planned, but i still don't know for sure that they didn't share a plan to both "skip" together. anyway, i have loosened his leash a lil - he was grounded from Everything that he could be grounded from & i've since let him have his freedom back slowly...he's been good, but i noticed his math grade is slipping, but he has this apathetic attitude about school & teachers & homework, etc...anything school related. he says he's not bullied, but that school is stupid and a waste of time...he says he will Not go to tutoring & will not talk to his teachers and i want to wring his neck (okay not literally, but i'm at my wit's end)...you cannot MAKE someone care, can you?? he's so hard to get through to, i'm feeling like such a failure...i've tried being his teammate on this...explaing i'm wanting him to succeed and he should care about his grades and getting along with people and being able to talk about his problems and ask for help when needed-all this is important to succeed in life...communicating with people will always be necessary. then i've tried being hard on him...he Will do as i say...or there will be consequences. i don't know if the asperger's is a barrier in our getting through to him or not, anyone else have an "aspie teen"? he's also developmentally behind..he's only in 7th grade & has vitiligo, hand tremors, & poor coordination & gross motor skills. he's been diagnosed with a learning disability, but the schools questioned the validity of the doctor's tests that diagnosed him. i'm not sure if he needs to be tested further & receiving special ed or if he just needs to be pushed to try harder...if not pushed, then motivated somehow...but how?? HELP!!

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J.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

I personally would put him in a school with a focus not only academics, but also with a focus on teaching special needs kids (even high functioning) life skills and more. We have such schools here, but I don't know if you have anything like this in your area, but that is what I'd do.

He needs to learn about accountibility and safety in a school setting. If he can't get that through what the school offers and there are no programs in your area, what about homeschooling?

If I were in your shoes, I'd be worried that he's learning bad habits. It sounds like the school doesn't have enough measures in place to make sure he's safe, let alone are teaching him to be responsible so he can manage in life once he graduates.

Here's the name of an organization in my state, perhaps they could direct you to something closer to home. www.fraser.org

2 moms found this helpful
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R.Y.

answers from New York on

My kids aren't teens yet but I have worked with teens as a case worker. If he won't talk to his teachers maybe you will have to (you could tell him that and see if he is more willing to talk with teachers under those conditions). What about talking to a school counselor or one outside school? Maybe the school counselor can help you find someone who has worked with kids or teens with similar problems. I only know one "Aupsie teen" and I only see this boy occasionally in the summer. He seems to be typical in that he is book smart and not socially smart and sort of a black and white thinker. He is in an alternative high school program but I don't know much about how it is run.

I can understand why you are frustrated and I wish I had more ideas for you.

1 mom found this helpful

P.L.

answers from Chicago on

My son, now 18, has Asperger's...we went through hell and back around the same age when he was in junior high.We dragged him to therapy, talked to the school, they were no help.
I totally understand everything you are going through.All I can say,keep doing what you are doing, hold him accountable for everything,eventually things will sink in....I read many books on raising teenagers, they suppose to be extremely hard to raise, I AGREE.
He is very fine now,found his niche in life, but still some things are very hard for him to understand.

1 mom found this helpful

M.L.

answers from Houston on

It sounds like now is the time to get the professional help he needs to cope with his asperger's, and for you to educate yourself a little more on ways to help him by possibly joining a family support group. You also need to sit down with his teacher, school counselor and principal to explain his needs more clearly and to demand that he is watched like a hawk at school so he can't just take off and to make sure they see that he gets on the bus.

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