Having Sleepover for 12Th Birthday?

The girls are 12 yrs old. If your daughter has problems in a group setting and does better one on one, do not do a sleepover. Keep in mind who the drama makers are and consider who you invite. Make your behavior expectations known (to girls and parents) ahead of time so no one is surprised if you send someone home.

Do not have an odd number. Like the pp said, keep even numbers so there is no odd man out.

At 12, they should be able to get along without supervision 24/7 (you in the room with them). Of course, you should be around and available but allow them some space to be social with each other. They are still learning social skills. Part of that learning is working through their own drama and personalities.

We did 2 parties with a limo and when you use a limo, you automatically have a limited # of attendees! One party ended up at our house for a sleepover where we had pizza, made a craft , mani/pedis, movie and breakfast. I think my daughter was around 10 at that time.

For daughter's 12'th bday, we did limo party again, each time the limo picked each girl up at her home. On the 12th bday, they were dropped off at an upscale hotel located in an upscale shopping center where I had already prepared a suite for them. The girls 6 total, slept in 1 room and I had the other room of the suite. I slept with my door closed and allowed them some space. This time, they went swimming, etc. Then we got all dressed up for dinner, walked to a nice restaurant for dinner, walked to an ice cream shoppe for a treat, back to hotel for movies, late night swim, room service snacks, breakfast brought in the next morning and everyone gone by 10am.

It was a time of year that the hotel was kindof slow so we got a suite in an area of the hotel where there were no immediate guests so no one was bothered. I STILL used this experience for them to be aware of surroundings and how other people may be sleeping, etc so they would be considerate of other guests and I expected them to act like young ladies vs young girls running wild.

Again, you mention your daughter being emotional and girl drama... keep in mind that your daughter may not be ready for a party like this and that is ok. This is a prime age for girl drama. If I knew from the get go that my daughter might not be emotionally mature enough for a party like this, I would not have the party.

As for the invitees... you owe no explanations as to who is invited. At this age, a lot of people either have a huge party or a small party. Keep a balance of the girls based on age and emotional maturity.

Good luck and time flies!

wow, not sure why you'd do a sleepover with all of these time bombs waiting to go off!
my kids had been doing sleepovers for years before 12, so this wasn't an issue for us. but if you do, you might consider cutting down the number if your daughter isn't comfortable in larger groups. that would also help with the 'social issues' friend, you and your daughter can simply say it's a very small group and they'll get together another time.
as for the organization, i'd just put wide but firm parameters in place and let them plan with them, e.g. 'lights out at 1pm, this is the food you can have, these are the movies you can watch, i expect everyone to be kind and considerate to each other- if there are fights or nastiness, i'll be calling parents to come pick kids up.'
sounds to me as if there's a wee bit too much pre-emptive drama-deflecting going on. you can't totally rinse girl relationships of drama- girls are 93% drama, aren't they? you just have to be calm and no-nonsense, and respond to incidents as they arise with no apologies or waffling.
sleepovers should be fun, not so fraught with anxiety.
khairete
S.

First - 5 girls, not 6. Even numbers are key at this age so there is no 'odd man out'. Organize it with her input, but definitely have a plan, it helps cut down on girl drama. Call the M. of the younger friend and explain this is more appropriate for girls your daughter's age and arrange a special lunch date with the girl instead. If she does best with one friend at a time a sleepover might not be the best idea. However if she is set on it and you are willing just keep an eye on the drama and redirect when necessary. Have everyone sleep in the same room (you included) so you can keep an eye on it. Having it a hotel works perfectly for this. You can plan a scavenger hunt, go swimming in the indoor pool, paint nails, buy inexpensive pillowcases and sharpies an paint pillowcases (bonus, this is your 'guest gift'), and it's easier for you to control both drama and bedtime. We did it for my daughter's 10th, worked like a charm.

I have boys so I have a slightly different perspective, but at that age I mostly let them plan the activities. With boys I usually try to make sure there is some sort of outlet for excess energy, such as playing outside or an hour of swimming at the YMCA. I also make sure they have age-appropriate movies on hand.

In terms of the guests, I always limit my boys to a certain number and we often do not invite kids who we think might have behavioral issues or who we have had problems with in the past. I tell my boys to blame me if anyone asks and kids have asked them--why didn't you invite me? I say to tell them that your M. limited the number of kids invited. That still begs the question of why me and not one of the other kids, but so far that approach has worked for us. My boys have gotten pretty good at knowing who to invite and who not to invite based on prior experiences with certain kids. We had some issues with two kids at my younger son's party this year and my son and I both said the next day that we probably aren't inviting those two next year. If your daughter doesn't want to invite a certain girl then I don't think she should. I tell my boys to be discreet and try not to talk about the party at school. Not hide it, just don't bring it up.

I also try to have even numbers (doesn't always work out that way) and I limit them to about 5 guests usually. I know other people who allow 10-12 guests and I think that's insane. We also give them a pick-up option because not everyone wants to spend the night or their parents don't want them to stay. So I always say if you don't want to stay overnight please pick up by 10:00 pm or something like that.

If you know some issues already exist, is there anyway the number of girls could be reduced? Maybe invite 3 over, I agree with MamaR, even numbers are best.
Our daughter is 8 so I know my day is coming but 6 is too many girls IMO.

Regarding the girls left out, let her put the onus on you. "My M. said I could only invite 3 friends."

She should invite her 3 closest friends and call it good. I think 6 is too many. 4 girls total means nobody ever feels like they're on the outside of the conversation or fun. It's a nice, comfortable number.

My daughter has done sleepover birthday parties for the past two years (10th and 11th birthdays). We had seven total girls both times, and had NO issues with an odd number of girls.

The extent of my planning/organizing was helping my daughter pick out a movie for them to watch and ordering the pizza and making the popcorn. And instead of a cake I threw all the girls in my car and we went to the bakery in our downtown and each girl got to pick out a cupcake/dessert of their choice. After that the only thing I had to do was make sure they turned the lights out at a decent hour (and make breakfast the next morning).

As for the girl being left out, I would hope that by this age the girls realize that parties are limited on space. She would just need to be told that only "X" number of girls could be invited. But I would also remind your daughter to not talk it up when that girl is around. But there have now been plenty of times where my daughter wasn't invited to a party - it stings a little upon discovery but eventually they forget about it.