Having More Kids?

I'm an only child and always wanted 4-6 kids. I have a girl and a boy and stopped there because I was in my 30's when I had them and also had difficult pregnancies and one was born with a heart condition. I also had some complications after each birth.

My cousin has 3. She said that 3rd makes a HUGE difference in everything. She said you need a bigger house, car, more money in general. You don't qualify anymore for the 4 ticket family deals. lol I divorced and remarried and thought for a second of having a child with my husband but by then was 41 and felt there would be too much of a gap between my youngest and the baby.

It is hard to "get past" the feeling of wanting more. But I'm happy with what we have and don't have any regrets. And I do have to say my cousin was right, when I married my husband he has a spec needs child and we did have to upgrade everything. So just something to think about. Good luck.

I think you should have as many kids as you want. If you're not done you're not done.

Ideally now is the time you wold be trying BUT many families have age differences in their families. Some even get their kids raised then have a couple more.

I think you just know when your last child is your last child. You still dream about another baby but you just know your last is your last. Its hard when you've always dreamed about a house full of children to realize that having more will take away from the ones you already have. But I think you already know your answer even before you asked the question. Enjoy your two little girls and don't worry about having a house full of family. Believe me they'll be bring home friends shortly and your house will be filled.

I also work full time and that was a big reason I didn't have a third. Honestly I see some parents who both work full time with 3 kids and wonder what they were thinking bc they seem stretched so thin. I had a hard enough time giving enough attention to my two while working that I said I'd have to quit if I had a third or I was being selfish. I'm not anti nanny or babysitter but there becomes such a need for outside care with 3 and 2 full time working parents that have reasonably demanding jobs it seems silly and unfair to the kids. I also know some third children that have health issues and that was a worry. Two healthy in this world of autism and other issues and I felt like I'd be pushing my luck. I also think people who say the third was so easy are being a bit misleading. Both in real life and on this board, there are moms who are so unhappy bc they have so much on their plates and they complain and are stressed and all but somehow still when the question comes up say how the third has been wonderful. Really? Then why all the complaining the past couple of years?... But of course some people have 4 or 5 and love it. I don't roll with it easily but if you do, then you can probably handle it better. And money is relative. Some people don't believe in paying for their kids' colleges so then that's not a worry no matter how many kids they have. I always wanted to pay and plan to so another tuition was a consideration. And while I don't care about fancy stuff, I didn't want to always worry about money and have to penny pinch. But some people don't mind that. I think it's about knowing yourself and your priorities. Only you really know.

ETA: thinking more, seems like everyone I know with 3 kids sticks them in aftercare or all day camps etc. Definitely could just be the people around me. I know there are people on here who don't. But I just thought of the SAHM I know who had a third and had her two older kids (K and 3rd) start going to the pretty lousy aftercare at school every day. And I think "wow, i could have had a third if I did that..." Another friend with 3 and a stay at home wife has their youngest going to full time "preschool" starting at 2.5. Again, i could have handled 3 if I sent them to daycares all the time... But I'm sure they do what they need to and think is fine. That's just not how I wanted my kids to spend their time.

We have two. Girl and boy. I knew after the second (boy) I was done. My husband wanted more. He would have loved a baseball team of kids. However, we needed my income to help pay the bills. I told him that he would have to find another job that paid more because I was not going to work full time with three kids. As I said, we have two. =)

I never had a desire for a third. I saw babies and they were beautiful but I was happy to give them back to their mommies. I enjoyed every new stage my kids went through and never looked backwards.

I have loved being a Mom. Its the best job ever but honestly, my son graduates from college next year and I'm thrilled. Can't wait to have the little boy off the payroll!!! =) Raises for Mom and Dad!!!!

Only you and your hubby can decide if your family is complete. Look at everything you want for your children and decide if adding another to the mix is in everyone's best interest. Good luck!!!

I think baby fever usually needs to be waited out till it goes away.
You are financially stable with 2 kids but not wealthy.
Yeah some will say there's always room for one more but really stretching your finances can make things miserable for everyone.
I work with a lady who has 4 unplanned kids - she loves them but at the same time acknowledges she shouldn't have had that many (she got her tubes tied after the last one - birth control doesn't work well for her - she's a fertile Myrtle).
Her finances are strained and she's always working 2 or 3 part time jobs so she hardly has time to see them.

Most people will say they never regret their third. I think that's likely usually true bc of course you love your child no matter what but I know some people who have a third and it put them over the edge. We thought about three but one major factor was that I work full time and my income has always been the larger and more stable one. I didn't think it was fair to the kids to work full time and expect to be able to give them enough attention. I don't regret it and they are now late elementary school. They have so many things to do that i just couldn't be there enough with three nor could I get them where they need to be. With two and working what is now a flexible job, I feel like I do enough for them. Three and/or a less flexible job and I don't see it unless I was the type who could work for 3-4 hours after they went to bed. So I left work early but made it up later. But I also think it's different for everyone and sit and think deep down what you really want. Picture juggling three and work and picture not having a third like you planned. Which is less appealing? I will say a family of four is so easy logistically.

I just had my third child almost 3 months ago. I have a 5 and 3 year old also. I am so happy right now... I feel guilty. :) I would have thought that 3 was too many because I come from a small family and most my friends and other family members only have 1 or 2 kids. To be honest, by the time you have your third it's easy. I've 'been there done that' and it is way less stressful than the first two. However, something to consider is; having a third child means in most cases a bigger car, possibly a bigger house, and more expensive nanny care, different furniture... In addition to another college savings account. In that way having a third child is something to really, really consider. We are able to do it, but at the expense of frequent vacations, fancy purses, and crazy house hold knickknack purchases. :) (if you think about it that stuff really does add up.)
It also matters too what your other children are like. I have been blessed to have two healthy children with no disabilities. So a third child is less challenging to add to our mix. I have friends who are not in the same situation and are open about not having the time or resources to take on another child. Look at your family and think it out. You'll be able to know then what is right for you. You will always love your children yes. So if you have a third of course you will be happy. The question that is important to ask is; can you provide for them what you feel they need and deserve, and what does that mean fo you.

I have two and am so happy with my family size. I had always imagined a bigger family. However, when #2 was born, I just knew - I'm done. My DH felt the same way.

Now, when people I know have newborns, I love to hold them and when I see that straight-legged toddler walk I think it's so adorable and am a little nostalgic. But I don't have the yearning feeling at all. With 2, DH and I can divide and conquer, and I love that even when they have baseball games at the same time, they always have a parent cheering for them in the stands. I love that we can go on vacations and all fit easily in 1 hotel room. I love that we can adequately fund their college 529 plans so I know they have the ability to go to college someday if they want to. And I love that everyone sleeps through the night, because WOW was that a hard stage with 2 full time working parents when they were infants.

At the same time, I don't think you'd find anyone who says they are unhappy they had their last child, whether it was number 1, 2, 3, 4, or more. Every parent loves all their kids, and can't imagine the world without each of them. This is really a discussion to have with your DH.

I'm pregnant with my 4th and when I suggested 4, my husband thought I was nuts and said 'no way'. As time went on, I knew I wasn't done and we talked and talked and talked about the possibility of having 4. Like you, we are NOT wealthy, but we make do and live in an awesome community. In fact, we both work hard to make ends meet, and we both feel proud of the fact we are happy, have amazing children, live in a great community....life is good. Long story short, one day he said, 'okay, we should do it'...and now I"m almost 6 months pregnant. I am NOT overwhelmed with my kids and work part-time from home. Financially, four kids is a lot, but I just stopped worrying about it. For us, having another child defies logic, but not love. See what your husband thinks. The main thing is if you two are on the same page, then things will work out. That may sound really simplistic, but I used to worry about every little detail in life....but life is short, and I want to live it, not worry about what might happen. Anyhow, there is so much more I could explain, and I wasn't always this relaxed and life wasn't always this peachy. Try taking some time to slow down and really savor the children you have. Are you getting joy from them(I do!)? Can you see another child bringing more joy(we did)! You'll never get this time back, so really dive in, and embrace what you have and see if having one more will enhance or detract from what you've already created.

I agree with some of the other posters who say "you just know".

I had 1 child, daughter now 20, and I knew without a doubt that our family was complete and so did my hubby. I never had another urge for another child. We could easily afford more but we felt so complete he got snipped by the time she was 2 and I had a hysterectomy when she was in 1st grade.

Fortunately, hubby and I were on the same page so there were never any issues. I've never had any regrets. We are a close knit family of 3 and it is just perfect for each of us.

I have 2 close relatives now pregnant with baby #6. Both families are financially sound as well. However one mom is on FB daily complaining about everything she has to do with so many kids and she hides in the closet to take a break. I feel like saying... you knew what was coming when you chose this route but I keep my mouth shut.

It's very hard to decide. If you choose to, please start trying now because it was hard for me to conceive and carry my third. Also, I wonder if you could work part time. It will be a lot if work to deal w 3 and expensive for child care. You will want to be around for their activities and once oldest starts school there are so many half days, conference days and vacations to cover, it is very challenging, especially if you commute to cook, clean, exercise, do all the errands etc. Also, are you prepared to deal with pregnancy, nursing/or not, diapers, paci, crib, toddlerhood etc since you can almost see the light now, starting over makes things hard again!!

I love having 3. But I always knew I would never have just 2. If I got the greenlight from my husband I'd go for 4.

The third was a really easy add-on for me. We already have a lot going on with two kids and their lives, so throwing a third in the mix, who is just a baby and has no agenda of his own, was not that hard. He's just along for the ride with what the rest of us all do.

Kind of how you THINK it will be like when you have your first kid---> "oh, we won't be one of those couples that is all about the baby, we'll still do the things we love to do just WITH a baby! we'll go hiking, shopping, traveling, have lots of date nights..." except you're totally naive then and the baby actually rocks your world and changes you completely. But with the 3rd kid that's actually how it is. The baby is born and you go on with your normal life, incorporating one more into everything you already do with the others.

Having the 3rd was the best decision we ever made! Yes, our family was 'perfect' with just the 2...but ya know what? It's even more perfect with the 3!

~Like the others, once we had our last child we just knew we were done!

I spent two years driving myself mad with the question of having a third. At 41, we had her, and she is the best thing that happened to all of us! The older kids just adore her. it's such a joy to watch. And she was just so much easier as a baby. It does get easier the more you have.

I feel done in a way i never felt before. We feel like a whole family now --well, we need a dog, a cat and a fish ;-)

I made the decision after reading an article by a women trying to decide to have another. She decided to listen to her heart. I did the same. What does your heart say? Stop all the chatter, and just listen to your heart. You can never go wrong if you listen to your heart.

Good luck!

The only thing I can add is that when I had my last (4th) I knew I was done. I did not feel that after 3 (although that was the planned out number for us). That feeling is great and I couldn't imagine having the regret of 'what if we would have had another one'. Is it easy? No. But it is not about the number of kids, its about their temperaments (and no one can control that). I think your kids are at an age where you can easily have another. All my kids are three years apart...and even though having a 10 year spread between them is a balancing act at time....it is also 'my perfect' (because that is what I have...it is what it is).

We have 4 kids. We had our first 3 kids to close in age( wasn't planned) by the time we had our 3rd child we had a 2 year old and 3 year old. Our 3rd was our first boy. People assume we were done since we had a boy, but that wasn't the case. I was told I probably could have one more due to my c sections. Over the next few years husband and I both was different pages. I wanted another and he didn't or he did and I didn't. We talked about the pros and cons about adding another. By the time our son made 3 1 /2 years old he was pretty much potty train. We could go to the movie theaters as a family or do more family activities. But we thought about making it a even "4". We talked about how I could have one more anyway, and what's one more anyway.lol. By the time my 3rd child made 4, 6 weeks later we had our 4th, another boy. We felt our family done. Do I regret it? No! I love children and babies but after my 4th I had no desire to become pregnant or want anymore children. Lol. I feel like my family is complete. I love my 4. Yes things changed more after my 4th but I would do it over again

Only you can decide. I came from a family with 3 kids. I was the youngest. We have two. I can't imagine a third. We are well past that point now... I'm almost 47 and our oldest graduates high school next year. At this point, I am wondering how we can afford the next 10 years (college expenses for 2 plus still putting funds into retirement, helping the kids with other expenses, like car insurance, senior expenses-- teen expenses in general, good night they are expensive to have around, lol).

Fortunately, our youngest (freshman this year) will be off in college by when husband retires. (He has a mandatory retirement age). So, when he retires, we will have nothing keeping us from traveling or whatever we want to do... move? Whatever.

But, I never felt that driving urge to have a third. And that's huge. What does your husband think? How does he feel? My husband would have been thrilled to have had more, but I was so ill with both pregnancies (and the 2nd was worse than the first) that we didn't feel like we could do it again. Especially balancing taking care of 2 young children while I was so ill for 9 months each time.

I do like being able to be seated easily in restaurants, and buying furniture for the home. We can pair off for things, since there are four of us. There is never any third man out type issue between siblings.
I mean, there are up and down sides to everything. Only you and your husband know what you will be happiest doing.

We are content with 2. Grand kids will likely be on the horizon in another 10 years. There's always that...

The only thing I can say is, when I had my last chid, I knew I was done. I just knew.

And when we got pregnant with our last child, we felt the same need to have a baby as we did with our first.

It wasn't a "nice to have" or "should we?". It was just a certainty that we would try for our last baby.

My friends would pack up their baby gear and say "That's it for me!" no more babies. I didn't feel that way until after my last one. Then I got it. I understood what that felt like. I was older, tired out .. yes, but it was mostly our family was complete.

Not sure if that helps you - but if it's just an idea of a full house, etc. that appeals to you, not sure if that's the same thing. Honestly, there was no struggle for us. It felt the same as wanting the first one - so we didn't think about time, resources, etc.

Good luck :)

If you want a third, your husband is on board, and you are financially and physically able to handle another....go for it!

Tough call. We have 3--all boys. I love it. I couldn't imagine life without #3 (now that he's here). I actually wanted a 4th. I'm a SAHM and we are, like you, financially comfortable. My husband is active duty military, so we don't live near family (therefore, very little help--although both sets of grandparents visit often). My husband deployed when the boys were 5, 2, and 5 months. I realized during those 7 months that 3 was probably all I could do on my own. My father died when I was 11 unexpectedly leaving my mom with 4 kids (8, 11, 14, and 18). She did a great job, but I always have it in the back of my mind that I could be a single mom someday. And, I want to know I can take care of my kids (not just financially).

Even numbers are good and parents aren't outnumbered in your situation.

Tough call!

One common theme in all these replies - no one ever regrets having a child. at least not on here, not that anyone would admit ;) I say that only half-jokingly. I can't imagine that feeling, and I've never met anyone who felt that way.

It will just come down to, is the pull strong enough to make it worth it? you know you won't regret it if it does happen, but can you be happy without another one? Sorry, I'm technically not who you're asking, since I'm working on #2 and I come from a family of 4 (we were all very laid back kids, and I'm finding we weren't the norm, so no help there - we were easy!) lol. Good luck with your decision though. Just be sure if you don't that you can live with it. Although I think once we decide something, we can live with it if we choose to. Just my .02.

we are in the same boat! to have a third or not to have a third.... my dh would need convincing though so i think hes making the decision for me! lol
i think that i am keeping an open mind and if we have an accidential third we would both be ok with it. but i doubt we will actually try for one. (we can get pg just by thinking about it and missing a pill its way to easy for us and i feel bad for those who try forever and use medical help and still have problems)
i have a boy and a girl and i think i am being selfish in wanting a third but man oh man i would love to be pregnant and have another baby.

Hi A P,

I didn't read all the responses but I'll put in my 2 cents. I'm the wrong one to ask because I have an only and the thought of more overwhelms me completely. That doesn't mean I don't have an opinion. :-)

Have as many as you can take care of in a healthy and connected way. If there's enough of you to work and care for yourself and your marriage AND love, devote yourself, support, and manage another child....I say go for it. It's not like you don't know what you're getting yourself into.

There is no right answer for everyone so listen to your heart, check your bank balance, calculate college tuitions and weddings and if all signs point to YES, then have that third one. best of luck to you. S.