Having Another Baby...

when I read this, i had to write back. i am 25, married, andhave three kids, all boys, ages 6,4, and 3. it is very stressful!!! but everyone is different, and I would say it is up to you, the woman in the realtionship if you are going to be staying home with them all the time. I just recently got a part time job after five years of having kids, breastfeeding, ect. if you need any advice, feel free to write. oh yeah, my middle sons name is xavier also! :)

My best advice? Wait a little bit.

I have three kids. The first two are 15 months apart and the second two are 18 months apart. In my experience, it just isn't fair to the older child to have another one so soon. They are still babies that age and deserve to be YOUR baby and not shunted aside to take care of a smaller, needier sibling.

If I could do it again I would have spaced them a few years apart. YMMV!

My husband was the same way :) I found out I was pregnant again the month our first son turned 1 year old. When we went for the ultrasound we saw two babies! Twins do not run in our families. Identicals are a fluke thing, I guess. I ended up having Alex and Nicky five weeks early, when Max was only 20 months old. The first year was incredibly hard and we moved to a different state where we knew no one when the twins were 6 months old. It is a different kind of stress now, but I wouldn't change a thing. The boys are the best of friends. I'm glad they are close in age and hope that they continue to be good friends as they grow older. I know that it will continue to be challenging for us as parents, but it is worth it all.

Our 2 kids are 26 months apart and it seems to be working out well. Our son is almost 2 1/2 and our daughter is 3 months, he talks and sings to her, wants to hold her and is very protective of her. I think it is a good spacing because our son can entertain himself while I feed/change/play with our daughter. We do things together and he understands, for the most part, that he needs to be gentle and careful when playing around her. Some things are more difficult to do when you have more than one...the grocery store will never be the same! Good luck!

Hi M.,
Congrats on your 7 month old. My babies are 16 months apart. If I had to be honest I would not recomend it. They are now 2 1/2 yrs and 16 mos. The first year was impossible. I feel like I could not enjoy my daughter's first year and my son (just a baby too) was neglected becuase of the demands of the new baby. I am also a SAHM. Maybe it will be easier when they get older but in the interium I would like to be able to cherish every minute with each of them and the truth is you really can't in the situation.
Good luck to you and your family!

My advice is do the math and see what age you think you'll like to have the baby when you will be pregnant, tired, and then occupied with a newborn.(18 haha) I had my 2nd when my first was 28 months old and it was perfect. I could still sit him on my lap and read to him pregnant and he could walk and eat and drink and play near me while I cared for the baby . He was also close enough to love the new baby and they are best friends. My thought is that TOO close and one baby bird is pushed out of the nest too early. I was 16 months apart from my sister and we still have the pictures of me trying to strangle her with a sock, sitting in the swing too big for it etc...jealousy. Enjoy each baby while you can, the time will come :) And it is too short...

My first two are just under four years apart and then my third came along 14 months after the second. After my first I could not imagine having two close together which is why we waited almost four years for the next. When we found out we were pregnant again when he was only six months old I was worried.

Now that the youngest is here (and 10 months old) I can honestly say I actually prefer closer together. It is crazy for a while and I do feel like my middle child's second year was a bit of a blur but he is a happy go lucky child and seems no worse for the wear. And already the two youngest have begun playing together. (Of course, the two oldest play together a ton as well!)

I worry sometimes that we hold my oldest back. At six she wants to do stuff that I sometimes cannot accommodate since there are two babies to consider. And she has a harder time because of that. I think if she was just turning three I would be a bit crazy and sometimes overwhelmed but they would all be reasonably close together in abilities and interests and I think that would make it easier on them. As it stands now sometimes the babes get dragged along to museums, classes, library stuff that is out of their realm and sometimes she spends too much time in baby world.

I was the oldest of three kids in three years and looking back I have no memory of feeling lost in the shuffle. What I do remember is always having a playmate in my two sisters, always sharing an interest or friend with at least one of them. I hope that as my oldest grows she gets to continue the bond she already has with her two younger siblings.

P.S. In other random information, getting pregnant again does not mean you need to wean your first from breastmilk if you are still nursing. I nursed throughout my pregnancy and am still tandem nursing my 10 month old and 24 month old. Good luck with your decision!

We have three kids and the first two are 2.4 years apart and at first I didn't think that was close at all but looking back my son was still needing me so much that I feel if I had waited just a little longer it would have been better all around. We have a third child who is 4 years younger than my second and my oldest and middle take such care with her and love her so much.

I guess what ever happens it's great to have a sibling but I would say you shouldn't rush into having another one. Sometimes it's nice to just live in the moment and enjoy what you have instead of thinking about what is next. I find with my third I play with her more, look at her more, and just take everything in because I know how short their time is when they are little and need me so much. I love being a mom and would say enjoy your little one and don't think so much about the next at this time.

Hi M.,

Initially, my husband and I wanted our kids close in age but when I found out I was pregnant 2 months after I had just given birth to my first, then I guess we got our wish...we just didn't want them that close. But as time went on, I kept saying to myself, it will be fine and everything will be great. Well, I gave birth to my daughter 19 days before my first child's first birthday! Ever since it has been a challenge but if you just take it easy and try to accommodate one at a time and aren't easily overwhelmed then it's the most wonderful thing in the world. My son doesn't even remember life without her now which I'm very thankful for. I would say that if you really don't have any preconceptions as to how you think it will go and just try to go with the flow then you'll do fine. It's taken a while but now I can actually get both down for naps and actually have time for myself (as you can see I'm on here!) and actually get stuff done around the house. But definitely it's up to you and your spouse as to how ready you think you are to have that second child...they truly are a blessing!

Hope this helps...

M.,

I can say from experience that two children quite close in age is very different from one child. With the first child it's kind of like playing house. You know, you dress them up in cute clothes and they pretty much go wherever you go. I found with one child although we were close, my life didn't change that much. (and you can almost always get a sitter for one child) With the addition of the second child my whole routine changed. There wasn't much time for long leisurely breast feeding sessions (as the toddler was busy pushing the chair over to the counter to climb up and see what she could get into) I also heard alot of "mommy, baby down" as in put the baby down. I felt alot like the cruise director simply serving their needs. Breakfast, clean up, dress babies, throw on a load of laundry, lunch, clean up, diapers, attempt nap time for both, try to get a shower. wake up from nap, cuddle time, diapers, snack, clean up, (should I try to go for a walk or should I go to the grocery store?) cook dinner, clean up, bath time, story time, crash into bed, wake up two or three times through the night to feed baby or comfort toddler. Next day, start over. That was my monday through friday routine and I worked 12 hour days on the weekend in an ICU. I remember one day a young unmarried co worker asking me what I did all week long. "Don't you get bored?" Ha Ha. You get the picture. Of course I really did not have much help. I was an older mom and I was also caring for a sick parent and I had a older son at home who was a high school student. But, as bad as it sounds though I miss those preschool days. My daughters are now in first and second grade and my son is a senior in college, my father has passed away and I have much more time on my hands. I guess they call it life. Anyway if you really want to increase your family you will have days when you will want to pull your hair out. "Calgon take me away!" but you will experience so much love and create so many beautiful memories it will be well worth it. My advice? Listen to peoples advice but follow your heart, let the house be dirty and go to the park, skip the complicated dinners. (pizza really is a nutritious meal if you serve it with cut up veggies) and throw out all your mirrors! Babies grow up very fast!

J. L.

This is such a hard subject and I think there is no "right" answer, just do what you feel in your heart is best for your first child and you and your husband. My children are 15 1/2 months apart and I had such guilt over getting pregnant with #2 so soon. My DD was still nursing and just a baby herself when DS came along. Luckily, big sister is wonderful and never acted jealous once! She is so sweet to her little bro, even when she was only 16 months she would burp him and she is still loving and helpful almost 6 months later. But I do feel bad that I can't always give her the attention I want to nor can I always give the attention to my 6 month old in the doses I'd like. But, there is always mommy guilt of some kind, for me anyway! The positive for me is that my first is really an angel and I am truly blessed. I have heard stories about jealousy though, so it is a possibility. Now that both kids are here I am happy it turned out as it did. I think they will be great friends b/c DS already loves his big sis and no one can make him laugh like she does! I wish you the best whatever you decide!