Having a Second?

Plans can change, and that is OK!! Don't feel like you must follow a plan that you came up with before you even knew what pregnancy and having a baby was like.
For all the posters who keep writing "I didn't want my son/daughter to be an only child" please tell me - when did that become such a horrible thing?

Robyn - take it one day at a time. Whatever you decide to do will be the right thing :)

Don't stick to the idea of a "plan". You have to be flexible in life, plans change, do what feels right to you now, and than in 6 months do what feels right than. There is no right answer here, you have to do what is best for your family.

My "plan" involved never getting married and never having kids. I got married as soon as I turned 21 and 5 months later, guess what? OOPS! Child # 1 came along a little over a year after we were married. I waited and waited, then my hubby & I decided we didn't want our daughter to be an only child. So we tried...and tried...and tried...had 3 miscarriages...tried some more...then found out that we were pregnant again...this time with TWINS. So my idea of having no family kinda went out the window. Just remember that sometimes, the plan you have laid out for yourself is not the plan that is intended for you. Good luck in whatever happens!

I struggled with it too. We have a 9 year old that my husband adopted, and a 2 year old together. I wanted the youngest kids to be only 2 years apart, but my Aubrey is sooooo draining and I am loving having her be the "center" right now b/c she's so cute. I went back and forth on the issue a lot! We were having a hard time holding a pregnancy once we decided to try but the doctor said that we can start trying again in January. I can't wait! So, my plans changed (partly from me, partly b/c of cercumstances) and I'm ok with that. Now my little ones will be at least almost 4 years apart, and my oldest will be at least 10 years older than #3, but I'm sure she'll make an excellent babysitter! :) Go with what your body and soul are telling you. Maybe see if in another 6 months how you're feeling and go from there. Good luck!

You seem like you have some reservations and they are all very valid reasons. My children are 19 months apart (currently 11 months and two and half years). It is a lot of work, but it is wonderful. My "plan" involved having a third in a few years, but my then I am thinking it will be nice that my boys will be able to do neat things like go camping and ride bikes and I am not sure if I will want to start all over. I have some health issues that make a third risky as well. So, my point is that my "plan" is most likely going to be changed. It is good that you have a plan, but it is just a plan, not something carved in stone. If you are enjoying your son's growing independence, then a newborn would be a big change at your house. Also keep in mind that your son will soon be entering the terrible twos and that it is a difficult time. How about putting your plan on hold for a year and re-evaluating. You will have to decide how big of a deal the 35 thing is to you. As a mom of two, I will tell you that it would be MUCH LESS important than the right timing in my house to have another baby. Good luck! Whatever you choose will be right for you.

I too am in your position. My daughter is 4 1/2 years old. I don't want her to be an only child, but then again, she has become very independent, we can enjoy the small things in life, and there is a light at the end of the tunner with daycare for her. I too have a "plan", but it is quickly approaching and I am having to make so major decisions in my life. I always wanted my kids 4-5 years apart. But guess what, it looks like it may be 5-6 years apart. I did not enjoy being pregnant and was very sick the first 5 months. I have no words of wisdom here as I am in the same boat. I guess go with what your heart tells you. I can't wait to see how others respond. Just know you are not the only one who feels this way. Hang in there!

YOur first pregancy is not going to be the same with the second pregancy. You will know what to expect and you will know how to prepare for it. I was nervous about being pregant with my second one that I think it contributed to us taking longer on getting pregant. But things went a lot smoother with my second than the first. BUt you do have to be ready. My daughter, my first one, was rough. I did not get any sleep after she was born. She would sleep for 20 minutes and be up for 2 hours. She finally started sleeping long intervals when she was 4 month old. When I was pregant with the second one I kept thinking about how am I going to get and sleep with a 2 yr old running around. Turned out my son was a good eater good sleeper.
As for the PPD, just make sure you know when you are starting to feel that way and have friends come and help out or even family. Part of the PPD is that we as moms do not get enough sleep but even laying down for a few mintues just will help give you the energy. You are not alone when it comes to PPD others have gone through this. With my second child I knew when I was starting to feel that way and I started to enlist friends to help me out. I discovered once I got some rest through out the day I was out of that slump.
Now three kids later I love having them here. I can't imagine not having what I have. My love for them grows everyday. I hated being pregant, I end up having a c-section, hate that part too. But I LOVE them so much.

Do not go by what you thought your plan would be go by what is right for you and your family. If you truley in your heart know you want a second then go for it. I to am not one who enjoyed being pregnant at all either time, but im so happy we have our 2 kids closer togeater. My son will be 3 in just a few weeks and my daughter is 4 months old. It is very busy and extremley hard at first trying to adjust to 2 kids and get in a routine, but i love it now. My husband works a different shift then me so it is just me and the kids 4-5nights a week. It can be done. Do what is right for you. You are only pg for 9 months and each one is different and you get such a great miracle!!! Good Luck.

First, every pregnancy can be different, so you never know what this one might be like.
Second, if you don't feel ready, honor that feeling and wait. You may feel differently in 6 months. You may wait 12 months and realize that your want for another child out-weighs your "plan".
Third, there are many reasons to pick an end date to when you have kids, but 35 really seems early. Explore whatever reasons you have and decide if another year is really that big of a deal or not.

As for the PPD. There are things you can do to help. Giving birth naturally helps some. Being in control of your birth with a good midwife or one of very few OBs who don't insist on "managing" your birth and telling you how to give birth makes a BIG difference. Breastfeeding helps. The very best thing you can do is to have your placenta dried and encapsulated. All research shows that taking a pill each day works better than ANY PPD med on the market. It's high in iron which helps with energy and fatigue and it's LOADED with oxytocin which helps level out all the hormonal fluctuation you go through after birth. Look into it. It makes a big difference and works much better than anything prescribed.

Good Luck with your decision:)

Compared to many, I had easy pregnancies (except for the whole 2 miscarriages thing). I still say being pregnant sucks. Having two does start the no sleep thing all over again. That really sucks (I like my sleep). I don't really like the infant stage (my second was a collicy ball of puke so that doesn't help my opinion).

With that said, I am so grateful to have two. My two are 2-3/4 years apart. I had the second before I left the diaper stage with the first. You say you enjoy the increasing freedom. Oh I hear you. Having two sets you back on that freedom, but having two increases your freedom once you get it back.

Just about when your second starts walking they just go and play together and you just have to listen for bad noises. When you travel, you don't need to worry about playmates, they have each other. Going to a playground, you don't need to be the playmate, they have each other. Even having your kids watch a little tv while you take a moment to make dinner or just gather your thoughts is better with two. You are not putting them in front of the TV by themselves. They have each other. Truly, nothing is so beautiful as watching my boys being brothers. I know there are many many only children out there who are happy and well adjusted. I just see so much good they get out of having each other. The hard part lasts but such a small fraction of your life and you are giving your children such a blessing to have each other for a lifetime.

I think it gets harder to go back to pregnancy and infancy the farther you get from it. I thought about three but decided I just couldn't put myself through that. I thought three when we were done with diapers and cribs and all that.

Don't pressure yourself so much on a magic age number, but remember it does take about a year to get that second kid. You have a hard time picturing a second now, but you won't have a second now. You will have a second child a year from now.

Best wishes for this tough choice you face.

I know how you feel. my son is a year old and are original plan said we would try to have another by his 2nd bday....but I really want to go back to school soon and dont want to take time out to have another kid (I plan on going back in three years or less) so we would have to get pregnant sooner. My husband suggested we start trying in a month but I am just not ready. I just lost the baby weight and I was miserable during my last pregnancy. We talked about this and decided to see how we felt in another 6 mnths. having another kids is a big deal and you shouldnt rush yourself into it. you can have all the logical reasons in the world for wanting to have your baby at a certain time (I actually have a cousin who planned her pregnancy around the harvest of her garden....she wanted to feel well enough for canning haha) but if you dont feel emotionally ready for it its just going to make having this next baby really hard for you. you said your kid is 18mnths right now....he's pry starting to branch out on his idependance giving you a little more freedom. you should enjoy this for a little while before starting on the next baby.

I guess i don't understand what "plan" means to you. objectively, it sounds like you don't want to have another child right now. so it is probably best that you don't.

I won't tell you if you are ready or not, but will tell you my story. I didn't feel ready when my daughter was 8 months and I accidentally got pregnant. I was even relieved when I miscarried. I went ahead and tried after she turned 14 months but didn't feel ready. When I miscarried again, I really felt pressure to get pregnant as I didn't know if there was a problem with me. now my daughter is 2.5 and I'm getting ready to deliver in two weeks. I don't feel ready! But you know what, I'll be 35 and my plans of a possible third are now jeopardized by delays. You'll never feel ready, so make a logical choice. (and i also have miserable pregnancies).

Hi, I don't have any words of wisdom here...just wanted to let you know that you described a lot of what I feel too, so know you are not alone! I have to agree with Jen though about the idea of a plan....I too am a planner and I have found that every time I try to "plan" that's when things usually go how I least expect them. My sister had a plan for when to have her second because it was so easy getting pregnant for her the first time and number two took almost 2 years of trying to get here. Good luck! Can't wait to read the rest of your responses.

It sounds like your plan has changed. I would do what feels right for you. We have decided to stop at one and people keep trying to convince me that we should have another but for us we have definitely decided that our little guy will be our only. It sounds like you are happy with your situation right now and it's great your husband realizes that you have a lot on your plate. I would just see how you feel 6 months, a year from now. As your son grows more independent you may change your mind. The hardest part is tuning out all those people who want to know when you are going to have another. Pregnancy and then the baby are a big deal and if you are not ready to do it all over again it's best to wait until you are. Your happiness is important too!