Having a Hard Time Letting Go

Give it a try. And I would lay big money on what will happen. You will tear up...But in joy because your children will have so much fun. You will get to glimpse a whole new side of their personalities. And...You will have the joy of knowing that they can do this because of the great start you have given them.

Good moms are those that give their children opportunities to grow and take risks and fail and succeed and change.

Psst...Sometimes they cry cuz they are sad and sometimes they cry to put you through the ringer. They are savvy little people.

Also as a working mom, I have had to do the trust with strangers early. It is difficult, but when you find a place you like, and you see your children blossom, it is so worth it. I have had some time at home with him, usually because of illness and feel guilty that he doesn'tt get to play with friends and that I'm not able to intellectually stimulate him in the same way. (I just love the mom and son time anyway!).

When I see my son interacting with other children that stay at home, it makes me appreciate it so much more. Everyone is at their own level for verbal/motor skills, but he shares sooo much better and relates so much better than the other children. I really think that being around these other children and having a structured day is so good for him.

I've always been a working Mom, so I had to trust "strangers" really early on. We decided to move from a babysitter in our home with our son to a traditional day care facility when our daughter was born. It was the best decision we made because our son, having just turned 2, was ready for the social and educational structure he received in the facility vs. what he was getting in our home.

I have several friends who are SAHM and use preschool with their kids once/twice a week to help them have time with the younger child, to get things done they can't normally get to with 2 kids running around, or to just expose them to different environments.

I have a feeling your older child would really blossom and come out of his shell, but the first few weeks will likely be rough. It was much harder on us knowing we were leaving a screaming child, but a few minutes after we left, the teachers would call saying he was doing fine.

You can always try it, and if it's not the right decision, there's nothing to say you have to be committed to it.

Best wishes.

Hope this helps - it's perfectly natural for it to be hard to let go, but it's also good for you and for your little ones! I am only a mother of one, but I try NOT to make my son the center of our universe - it's easy to let that happen, but I don't feel that's what's best for him.

I had trouble taking him to MDO the first, second, and maybe a few more times, but I knew that he was going to be with wonderful people and eventually have a great time. Since he had never been to daycare, he was definitely used to being the center of attention and not having to share with anyone - be it sharing toys, sharing time and attention, etc. It was hard on him at first, but in a good way! Whenever he would cry, I would think "ok, of course he would RATHER stay with mommy or with his grandmother where he is doted on rather than have to learn to get along and play well with others. Does that make it right to let him call the shots? um, no." I also had utmost confidence that the ladies at MDO were fantastic with him. Plus, it was only for 2 days a week, 5 hours at a time. Even at 1-2, they are building their character, and I felt that it was good for him to socialize, learn, play, etc, etc...

So in summary, it will be hard...but it will be good for everyone in the long run. I think, especially for kids who aren't in daycare, that they are going to go through this at some point...and I decided I didn't want to deal with it on the first day of kindergarten! :)

Hope this info was helpful and not scary...good luck and God bless!

It is hard to let go i'm a sahm of 3 I sent my son who was 31/2 to preschool 2x a week for 2hrs @ out local parks & rec it was fairly cheap he needed to be around other children since we have nobody else to play with on a daily basis it was just mom & then sister now my daughter goes she started right after her 3rd bday i'm glad I did it set's them up to learn & respect others rules & learn that there is other surroundings other than home thye had a great time now my son is in kindergarten he loves it my daughter loves her lil school too they will cry my son didn't but my daughter did for the 1st 3 weeks but everyday it got much easier for her & what we told her to do is smile & that worked like a charm now all she does is smile.It is up to you as a mom if your ready & your kids are ready.It will be nice to have a few hrs of alone time or to shop but even in those short periods I still can't get things done as intened

You don't need an MDO program to have your kids around other kids! Take them to playgrounds, meet other parents with children their ages, and get together for play-time. It doesn't have to be a play group, either. Just go somewhere where they can play with other kids.

I've never left my daughter in any daycare, pre-school, MDO, or any of it. She's just fine and has plenty of friends now.

I love getting together with other moms and talking and enjoying their company while our kids play. It gives me some "me" time without having to leave my kid in somebody elses care.

My son grew up in daycare, so I decided that I was going to stay home with this one and enjoy every moment of it. I missed a lot working full time and leaving my son in daycare all the time.

Atta girl, it sounds like you figured out an answer on your own. I was right there with you I felt the guilt, the sadness, but I found a church with an MDO program and my 1 yr old son and I loooooooooove his teacher. He has such a great time there, they have music time, chapel, storytime etc. btw he won't sit still with me for storytime but has no problem doing it with his MDO teacher. LOL I think it's peer pressure (the other babies are doing it LOL) As long as you find a good loving teacher that you are comfortable with it will make it so easy to drop them off. I can actually drive away with peace in my heart : )
Good Luck

i know the feeling. consider your self lucky i had to go back to work after 6 weeks. but in those short 6 weeks i felt guilty taking him to day care. but it will help build his character and learn how not to be so sensative. i will readily admit my son is the same way he's a whiner, cry baby and a tattle tale! i love him to death but i do not wear blinder's when it comes to my child. but when i had to keep him at home it got worse. but as soon as he was able to go back it subsidded alot. there's nothing wrong with needing, wanting and REQUIRING me time. how cna you give your self to your family when you can't give time to yourself. but maybe you could start him off with half days or alternating whole days to see how he reacts to it. and what i also noticed that sometimes he would cry but i would call and check and he was so busy having fun with the other children he wouldn't come to the phone! lol so maybe try to ease him into it and see how you and him like like it. DON'T FEEL BAD and realize that others have been where you are and either got over it or stuck to their guns. Good Luck you will make the right decision.

Well as a mom who has her youngest child in MDO two days a week for a total of about 10 hours, I say GO FOR IT! It is SO good for her. She loves it and it is such a small amount of time each week but it gives her friends, teaches her to rely on someone other than mom and dad (which will benefit her later), teaches her sharing and playing together, etc. I'm sorry but that short of a time away doesn't make me feel guilty. It gives me time to get the things done that I need to get done so when she is with me I can focus more on her, and I appreciate being with her more as well. BTW, my little one is almost 3 and she started going to this program at about 16 months old. I don't regret a day of it. Good luck!

Just start out slow. Find a few places that you really like. Then, take your kiddos up there several times to just hang-out and play. Most places are fine with this "testing the waters" before officially enrolling. More than likely your kids will BOTH love it. Then, try a little 15 minute time frame of them being in the classroom without you in there. But, be sure to tell them that mommy needs to "run to the restroom", or "go talk to the office for a few" and tell them you will be back in just a minute....and see what happens. Just take it slow. These places have seen it all, mom. =0) You aren't the first mommy to be doing this. They'll have great advice for YOU as well as great tactics to help adjust your little ones. It's their job. And you are right...it will have SO MANY benefits for you and your hubby. My first started daycare when she was two and my son started when he was one. It was the best thing for us. My daughter is now in kindergarten and my son is about to enter his pre-k room. They love their school/daycare. It becomes like a family. So many little friends and so many bday parties, etc.! It's very good for them in so many ways. Good luck! =0)

Find a place you trust. Go - observe. Is it clean? Are they safe? Teachers nice, and seem genuinely interested in being with the children? Do your research -- then remember, that one of the most important part of parenthood is teaching your child to be independent. 2 is very young, and if you are not comfortable, wait another six months. Before you actually enroll him, take him over there for a few visits -- drop of paperwork, say "hello," point out all the fun the children are having - help him get used to the ides. Be careful - children are very sensitive to their parents feelings. If you are genuinely comfortable and excited - he will see that. If you are not - he will see that, and feed off it. Yes, he will cry the first few times, and MDOs are hard because they are usually once a week, which makes it hard for a child to get used to a schedule. You might try to change your thinking -- as long as you consider it "dumping," your child is likely to feel dumped. If you consider it a step toward helping your child enjoy new, healthy experiences - it will be easier for him to see it as the same. There is really no pressure for you to do this right now. Do your research, get comfortable, and know that if you find the place that meets all your criteria, he will develop in new ways - and that is truly exciting!

Try not to look at is as dumping your kids off on somebody - find a place that they will enjoy and look at it not as child care but as enrichment for them - a chance to learn social skills, developmental skills, awareness of their world outside of your home, stimulation of their senses... there can be a lot of benefit for your children from spending a few hours in a positive, social, developmentally stimulating environment. They can also benefit from a mom who gets some time to recharge, get come things done that the kids would not enjoy, and return to them reminded of how much she might miss them when they are apart!

I may be in the minority here, but I think a child's best place is with their mom. Playdates are a great way to get your children involved with other kids if your husband is concerned about the social development of your children. Plus, playdates allow you some adult interaction, as well.

Time will fly by so fast and you can never get this precious time back. I think the best place for a 2 and 1 year old is in the loving, safe environment of their home with their mom.

This is just my opinion and I'm hoping no one will berate me for this.
Just giving my two cents,
R.

You are not a bad mom - every working mom out there has had this same terrible feeling and every mom needs a little time to herself to regain her sanity. Just because you are lucky enough to be a SAHM doesn't mean you don't need your space and time to yourself also. We all want to be with our kids 24/7 but reality is that we can't - at some point they need to learn to socialize and do things on their own without being dependent on Mom. A MDO program is perfect for allowing them to develop on their own and you'll be amazed at how they will blossom. Our job as a mom is to make sure our kids will be self-reliant, independent thinkers that will make a positive contribution to society - you don't want your kids to be co-dependent. We found a great preschool, run by a church, that offers classes from 9-2 either 2 days a week (Tue/Thur) or 4 days a week (Mon-Thur). I have an 18mo old and a 4 yr old. They both started 2 days a week a little after they turned one, then began 4 days a week a year later. I work and I'm very fortunate to have my MIL watch them but even she needs a break which is why we decided to break up the day with this program. I don't live near Terrell so our school is too far but I'm sure you can find somewhere similar. You should be able to go in and observe a class to get a feel for what their day is like, what their teacher will be like, etc . . . plus it is at a church so I know they are being taught in a Christian environment. Good Luck - it will be hard but you (and they) will do great. Also, as a side note, each time I've spent multiple days in a row with my boys (vacation, etc) the first day or two back is still kinda hard so be prepared . . .

I felt the same way with my first daughter. I put her in MDO just one day a week when she was two because all of my friends were doing it. They all did two days and I thought they were nuts. However, after the first few weeks I found that she loved it, I got so much more done and was much less frazzled. By the time the second sememster rolled around and they had an opening for two days/week I jumped on it!

Five years later when my son turned two, I enrolled him, though it was harder for him to adjust to being away from mommy. I picked him up early for the first three weeks. After that, he loved it and I knew the chance for him to socialize and learn from other kids was important for him sinced he wasn't getting that at home with just me.

It is hard in the beginning, but you'll all up enjoying your time. Find a place you trust with loving, supportive staff and they'll be fine! Good luck!

I was the same way.I needed to drop my son off once a week at a daycare but I just didnt want to.I finally gave it a try and he loved it and everytime I take him I ask him do you want to go to school today or do you want to stay home with mommy he almost always wants to go to school.He just goes on mondays but it gives him interaction that he needs socially.My advice to oyu is try a couple of times chances are you kids will have a blast and that will make it easier for you.Also get to know the teachers and satff so you wont feel u\like they are starangers.And dont be afraid to call.the first three or four times I left him there I called three times a day to make sure he was ok.Also I would sneak up when I came to pick him up and watch him for a couple of minutes to make sure he was doing ok.Anyway he loves it.Good luck and dont feel guilty just think of it as help your kids learn social skills and become more independant.They need to know that things are ok even when mommy and daddy arent there.

Sounds like you made your decision, but I thought I'd throw my 2 cents in anyway! I have 3 kids, ages 7 1/2, 4, and 17 months. I feel like I've done it all with them in terms of child care. We've had no structure, some structure, and a lot of structure in our lives (and they're all happy, healthy, and well-adjusted!). I went back to work with my first, then didn't work for a while, then worked some more. He was in day care, then with a mom who watched kids in her home, then with me only, then in Montessori school full time, then part time. My second was with me full time until just a couple months ago when I enrolled him in MDO (he's 4) for 2 days a week. It was like a scene out of a bad sitcom the first couple times I left him there -- they literally had to pry him off my legs with him screaming, "Don't leave me here!!" Whew! But day 3, he was fine and now he asks me to stay longer. Should I have started him earlier? Maybe, but I didn't and he's fine! :)Anyway, my point is that if you have one kid or 12, you're going to find as many "types" of moms out there as there are moms. Bottom line, if your kids know you love them and you do the best you can and what you feel is right for you and your kids, they'll be fine! Don't be scared off from the online advice thing! I just take it all in and filter out what I think will work best for me and my family -- there are lots of good moms out there with lots of great advice, and not all of it will work for you, but some of it might. I've received a lot of helpful comments and support. Good luck! :)

You should listen to your mommy instinct. It's very wise! Your kids are really young!

Are you involved in a church? The classes and nursery there would be a place to start. They also might have a MDO program that you can decide how many days a week you want to leave your kids.

Is there a MOPS (Mothers of PreSchoolers) group nearby? This is a wonderful program where the mothers get together to visit and learn while the children are cared for and taught by wonderful MOPPETs workers.

You don't sound like you're a bad mother- but don't feel pressure to put your babies in a MDO program if you don't feel ready for it- they are only 1 & 2- that is really young! I have 5 kids and I haven't put any of them in day care or MDO but we are considering it for our 4 yr old next year since he misses the deadline for kindergarten. I personally think that children should stay with their own parents when they are that young if the mother doesn't work. They grow up so fast! enjoy this time with them! Arrange play dates with other moms if your kids need to have some friends and get a babysitter for more time for you and your husband or if you need to just have "me" time.
YOU are what your children need at this time and YOU can teach them anything they need to know at this age- it won't always be this way.
God Bless!
~C.

I got to say I agree with Regina. Your kids are still pretty young and maybe play dates are the way to go instead. You get that mental stimulation from being with other adults and your kids get to interact with other kids but you don't have to leave them with strangers because you are there. My daughter is 17mo and I couldn't imagine dropping her off with strangers, she's never been away from me for more than a couple of hours her entire life. But like some of the others have said maybe your church has a MDO program or you find one you like and it could be the best thing for you and your kids.

Yes, you do get all kinds of responses and you have to weed through what you feel is useful and tune out the negativity! There is rarely a mom out there who doesn't feel guilty about leaving the kids with someone else. I have 3 children ages 15, 11 and 3. I have been extremely fortunate to have a MIL who adores her grandchildren and is always willing to help out. But my oldest was with a babysitter for the first couple of years of her life because we weren't living near my in-laws at the time. It was initially so scary hard to leave her, but if you find the right person then you quickly learn to relax. To this day, though, I rarely take time for myself or my hubby because I work all day so I always feel extremely guilty for not spending my free time with my kids. But that is just me . . . I have been unable to overcome the guilt and since a truly love spending time with my entire family unit I don't see it as an issue. Probably this is not healthy, though, so when my little one begins pre-school in the Fall then we'll see if I finally start making more time for me and my hubby.

But, anyway, if you're not comfortable separating from them yet, then that is fine and maybe wait a little longer. But if you believe you and your children are ready for it, then sometimes you just have to do it! It may be a little scary at first but once you see how happy your kids are then you'll enjoy your adult time more and more.

Give yourself a break! It is hard to let them go, but they usually do really well! I taught at a MDO program and we did have 1 kid that had a hard time. He still wanted to nap 2x per day and we could only do 1. His mom decided to take him out until he was older...he was right at 12 months when he started. Visit the places you are thinking about, go on a tour, make sure you like the environment, and get a good feel for it. I Love, love, love the place my kids went, so much so that I worked there. You can ask about subbing at the school so that you can really see the inner workings too. But, if mamma ain't happy, nobody is! I truly think you'll grow to enjoy it, as long as your kids enjoy it, so maybe try it out?

There are many good MDO programs out there. I know that Bethesda Church on Beach Street has a good program. I had my son in this program years ago (he is now in 7th grade). For me it helped me to get him ready for school - so there was no separation anxiety there. The program also helps to get the kids ready to enter school - teaching letters, numbers, words, even wrighting. And you have already said it - this would give you time for you as well as time together with your husband. Don't let taking care of the kids become the center of your world. One day it will be just you and your husband again and you need to protect that relationship now as well as having a relationship with your children.

MOTHER'S DAY OFF (MDO)

My church has a MDO program, I think its free if you are a member of the church. Abundant Life Christian Fellowship, Mt. View.

I can see your point 1 and 2 years old is still pretty little. The two year old will interact and play with the others. Not sure about the baby. I was a working mom and still had anxiety at times about leaving my son. There were times when I could hardly wait to pick him up. When he was a baby, I use to go see him on my lunch break now and then. I was blessed with very good care givers who treated my child like a part of their family.

Still, you do need some "me" time and "husband" time. Consider a date night and have a sittler come over.

Blessings...

I have no idea what a MDO program is, but I have worked in many daycare centers. Most children will cry, but minutes after their parents leave they stop crying & go play with the other kids & are happy the rest of the day. Some kids will cry when their parents come back & it makes the parents wonder if their kids had been crying all day. The Director of the facility would call if they could not get your kids to calm down & play. You can always take a tour of the facilities. I suggest just showing up & asking for a tour. If they refuse & ask that you schedule a tour do not take your kids there (as it seems like they are trying to hide something).
It is hard to leave your kids (expecially younger kids), but if you feel comfortable with the providers everything will be okay.

God bless!

Go and tour some facilities that others highly recommend. Take your kids. Chances are that they'll beg to stay and play. That was a turning point for me. We did have a few tears when I really took him but he's adjusted and walks confidently into class now.