Having a Child in Your 40'S

They say the child has a higher chance of Down Syndrome, and the possibility of twins is way higher (my mom conceived when she was 40 with her second set of twins) but other than that, I don't think anything else.....I may be wrong though...I say if you want another, go for it :)

I am 40 and pregnant with my 6th. My kids are 20, 17, and 16 months, with 2 miscarriages. Personally, I think that if you know all the risks and are willingly to deal with whatever may happen, go for it. If you want another child, then have one. Oh yeah, and be prepared for everyone to give their opinion whether you want to hear it or not.

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I have mixed feeling about this, and certainly do not want to offend, however, you ought to consider the thought of being over the age of 60 at their high school graduation.... The majority of parents will be 10's of years younger than you.

As much as I realize it is 2010, and times they are a changin, I'm not sure you are all that far from menopause at 45.... And the risks of an older mother are proven. Your age alone would cause me to really think hard about the "what ifs".

You are 45 with a 7 and 3 year old, not 45 with a 17 and 13 year old. And even if you were, if you want another then go for it. You know the risks, as you did three years ago. It is a personal choice. I would try to make a decision soon and have it be between you and your husband. Go with your instincts and not anyone elses opinion. Of course you will be tired, but you have a three year old, so I'm sure nobody has to tell you that :-)
Either way, good luck and enjoy your family, no matter how many!!

I had my last one last year when I turned 40. I have a 15 year old and a 5 year old too. If you have the energy, go for it. But, in my opinion, it's tougher to keep up with kids now than when I was younger.

M.

Even if the risk of down syndrome is higher, it is still not all that high, at least that is what I think they told me when I had my last at 37. The difference in the risk at 45 and 42 is probably small too. Ask your doctor, and if they think you are healthy enough, and you want one, go for it.

I know a few kids with down, and they are a delightful additon to thier families, not without challenges, but not the end of the world for sure. If you want to do some reading about syndrome that might help you decide if you are willing to take on a child with down syndrome, even if the risk is small.

M.

Hi M.
You are so fortunate to have your two young children. I was 40 when I had my twins, my 3&4 children. Our twins are in college after homeschooling them through high school. Our oldest was conceived 3 weeks after we were married, the older kids were 14 & 19yo, yes, years old when we had the twins for our 20th wedding anniversary. Some get rings and fancy things, I got twins to pull my heart strings. I would have had a dozen, but today at 60 I wonder if I will see them married, my grandchildren, and be there to help them through their first children. They have not had the advice of their grandparents as our younger children did. Who you want to raise your children in the event of an emergency is not as easy either. As my husband thinks about retiring, our twins are in college, certainly not the easiest time for most people to retire, and we can't as they would have no health insurance. Meander down the age road some with your husband who you don't give the age of, and think. My mom was 30 when I was born and I always thought she was old, my girls didn't care and I am thankful. . What is your lineage? Is long life there or do you have family with heart trouble at 50, and diabetes that took their life early? Just some points to ponder as you think down the road to what your children have to put up with as they have aging parents
God bless you as you make your decisions.

First think about how tired you were when your 3 year old was born and then add on some more years...Then think about your life in 20 years...do you want to be 65 and have a child still in college. What if you're not around for their children? Will you be able to be an active participant in their lives and their children's lives at 75?

My mom is in her upper 60s and two aunts, whom I'm close with as well, in their upper 70s, all are active in our lives, so I"m not saying that as if it's a death sentence, BUT there are a lot of times I consider that my mom is aging and I won't be able to leave my kids with her for long stretches of time in a few years. Also, it's tiring for her to watch both my young kids at the same time. Both my aunts get very tired as well and clearly can't do as much as they once could. I know it's hard for them to be so near the little ones and not spend as much time, and mostly energy, as they would like.

I really think you have to know what you want for your future and the future of your existing family before you consider the present thrill of adding a baby.

This is SUCH a personal choice. I am 42 and have a 7 year old and twins who will be 5 this summer. For me, I would cry if I found out I was having another child. I'm just too tired and too old and work too much! Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my kids and am so blessed to have them, but starting all over again at this age would just be too tough for me.
On the other hand, it is clear from MY answer that I have no longing to have another child. You, however, really seem to have the desire. Thus, it appears you may not have the same exhaustion factor that other woman in their 40s have. In terms of risk, well, you know the risks. If you are willing to deal with the risks of pregnancy, which I'm sure you faced when you had your now 3 year old, then you may be ready to try for another. Personally, however, I'm of the school that I've been blessed with healthy children and wouldn't want to take the risk....
Good luck in your decision.

Hi M., I had my last 2 at 36 & 37. I already had 3 nearly teens. I was told when I became pregnant with #5 that I was not to worry as I had a healthy baby at 36. I think you should check with your doctor but, God willing, you can have another. Many blessings, Grandma M.

its your chose but i have a 15 and 17 yr old and i am 49 and am out of energy and patience good luck

That is a very personal question meaning what some of us think may be the complete opposite of what you think and neither side is wrong obviously. Personally, I am expecting my 4th boy and as much as I have always longed to have a girl, I know I am done. This pregnancy has been easy enough up until now (I have 3 months left), at this point I am starting to feel it more. I just don't have the energy I did with the others, especially after running after 3 children already and that includes keeping up with their schedules like soccer for the older boys for instance. I also recognize that I have been treated very differently this pregnancy. I am considered advanced maternal age now and have gotten screenings done they never suggested when I was pregnant the last 3 times. Reality is, the chance for things to go wrong such as autism increases with those in their 40's, even if it's just the dad. (My husband is 41 so this is something that concerned us even this time.) I also can't help but think how old we will be at different stages...when they graduate high school, when they get married, when we might become grandparents Godwilling. Our children don't have ANY grandparents now who can move around well and the youngest is 63. Honestly, looking back, while we are very thankful for the children we have now and can't imagine life without them, my husband sees now why I wanted to start our family younger than we did. He was the one who wanted to wait. Looking back, he wishes he had agreed with me sooner.

Like I said though, this is OUR experience, OUR opinions about what is best for us. From what I have heard for various friends and people online, I don't know that that longing ever goes away completely. The question is, do we give in every time we have it or do we accept we are going to be starting new chapters of our lives? I know I second guessed it for a few days because I LOVE my children, I LOVE having a big family, and part of me would have liked to have gone again and seen if God saw fit to give us another little boy or that little girl finally...but in the end, I realized that even at 36 and in my case, having repeat c-sections, I had to accept that this is the last chapter of babyhood we will be experiencing. It makes me a little sad but like I said, I'm trying to look forward to the new chapters we will be experiencing because I know they will be wonderful too. :)

I think if you are willing to go through all the potty stuff, tantrums, sleepless nights, and all the other fun stuff then you should go for it. I am 43 right now and I am going to have another one or even two. My family is my life. My body could not go through all the pregnancy stuff right now so I will have a surrogate but I think you should do what is right for you. If your husband is prepared for this then it should be fine. I know the chance for Down Syndrome does increase but I work with a lot of those children and they steal your heart. They are very pure, innocent, and love to the greatest extreme.

Well right now sounds fine, but ask yourself how old do you want to be
going through the teenage years.

Sure the risks increase w/each passing day but to me there are so many risks with everything anyways. I was on a medication throughout my entire pregnancies and you know what, the major risk was an undeveloped chamber of the heart, but I was closely monitored and both of my girls were born with healthy hearts. If I didn't need to continue on the medication, I would've stopped it but even after hearing about all of the devestating things that could happen we still decided to go ahead with things. Look at how women eat right, exercise & do everything they are supposed to who end up w/a child having something that they shouldn't have.
If I could, I would love to have another child (i'm 40) but because of my diabetes my youngest daughter suffered some complications so we have basically been told to consider ourselves a grateful family of 4. Good luck with things.

If you are healthy go for it!! :)

I'm 41 and just gave birth to my 3rd (and last) child in 4 years! I really wanted an even 4, but my age scared me, so I opted for the tubal ligation. I have no regrets for this main reason: this last pregnancy was soooo hard on my body! Having 3 kids virtually back to back takes a toll and my body didn't support me as it did with the first one. So I had chronic pain (mostly back and legs) and needed PT. So I lived like this trying to raise my 3 year old and 2 year old and it was TOUGH. In my mind, I think if I were 10 years younger my body would have been stronger to handle it. I do think age plays a strong factor in how comfortable your pregnancy will be. I would say go for it, but having "gone for it" myself, I now stand corrected that it may be easier to have lots of kids when you're in your 20's and 30's (body-wise). Other women have listed the risks involved in having kids later in life, but to me, I can't help also but focus on the fact that I have to get 3 thru college when I'm in my 60's! Which means I will most likely have to go back to work and work for a longer time than I thought I would. So, you do what you truly want to do, just know the body isn't getting any younger or stronger. Maybe save the energy for the 2 blessings you have! :)

Hi, M.:

I had my first child at 43 (through IVF) and recently adopted a baby boy at age 50. I explored having another baby at your age, but was concerned about the high risks for both the baby and me. . .finally deciding that being an older mom was one thing, but that I needed to be the strongest, healthiest older mom I could be.

Thus we turned to adoption. We have a beautiful, healthy little boy who is 13 months old now (we brought him home at 3 months; open, domestic adoption). My older son is CRAZY about him, and the baby about him.

Of course you can only do what feels right for you and your family, but I thought my experience might be helpful.

Best of luck with your decision--and, of course, if you'd ever like to discuss our adoption experience let me know.

T.

Hi M.,

I personally think God opens and closes the womb. My mama always said, "if you're married, you're eligible!"

My advise to you is make sure you are healthy. (Not just for pregnancy but for yourself as well.) You need to be on an absorbable multivitamin/mineral complex. This will not only be healthier for the baby but will give you the energy you need to go through a pregnancy. If you are healthy, a pregnancy is just as safe as when you are 20. You also need to be on Folic acid to prevent Down's syndrome. Don't start taking it after you get pregnant, you need to be taking it before.

I take the same vitamin that helped Bobbi McCaughey deliver seven healthy babies. It's guaranteed to absorb. Her doctor actually advised her to abort four to save three. She refused and they were all born healthy and at normal birth weight (for septuplets). Google her and see her story. I have more information if you'd like to have it.

God bless!

M.

I had my first child at 42. He will be 3 next month. I say go for it as long as you have the energy. I am exhaused with just one! Also, think about if you were to have a special needs child. If you could handle it and how it would affect your other two children. The risks are much lower than they make it out to be but still something to think about. That's my input for what its worth. Good luck!

I had another baby right before I turned 40. It is harder than it was years ago, ( I have grown kids too) but it is still not a bad thing. If you are healthy, then most likely you will be there for your children's kids when they grow up. Good luck! - :)

This is certainly a personal choice. I think if you are healthy and can do it, go for it.

My kids are 10 years apart and believe me, after I had my son, I really wanted another baby. I loved having a little one in the house again. I had to have a hysterectomy when he was a baby, so it wasn't a possibility for me, but those yearnings were still there. I'm 47. If I could have another baby, I would. But, I'll just wait for my daughter to give me a grandbaby. She'll be 24 in October.

I know what you mean about longing for another child though. I totally understand that.

I'm sure you'll think it through and make the right choice.

Best wishes.

Hi M.,
At 45, your fertility is declining year by year, most women are not able to easily conceive at age 45. Risk of genetic defects goes up significantly, at 40 and again at 45. IF you plan to TTC, I suggest a consult with a genetic counsellor beforehand, who can give you the most updates statistics on risks of genetic defects, and with your OB, who can tell you how your own risks of pregnancy complications is related to your age. If these risks seem too high to you, perhaps you would consider adoption. Good luck

hi M....
i think it is definately a personal decision. what other people think is irrelevant. you just have to weigh the pros and the cons and make your choice keeping the baby's health in mind. it all depends on your overall health and your husbands too. there are 45 yr olds that sit around and live very relaxed lifestyles and then there are 45 yr old who are active, workout and eat well. so i guess it can very well be an option!! look at kelly preston (john travolta's wife) she's 47 and she's 3 months pregnant and she looks like she's in her late 30's!! good luck to u! -M.

I had my first at 41 and my second (last October) at 45. I got pregnant right away with the first but it took me 18 months to get pregnant with number 2 because of high FSH.
For me this is the right time in my life to have kids. I think that I am a better mom than I would have been earlier in my life and I am enjoying my kids every minute. I am healthy and have lots of energy so, God willing, I will be able to keep up with my kids for a very long time.
It does kind of stress me out planning for kids college at the same time planning for retirement, but I have faith that we will work it out somehow.
You do have a higher risk of birth defects as you get older, but keep in mind that you still have a 90+% chance of having a healthy baby.
It is a very personal decision. Best of luck whatever you decide,
B.

you have already had a child in your 40s you know the pros and cons it now becomes a personal choice. the risks arent going to be any higher than they were with your second which your were 42 when they were born.

Get a complete check up and talk to your doctor. Then talk to the hubby and see what he thinks and finally KNOW ALL RISKS and make an informed decision. Good luck!

Go for it. I have four kids. My youngest is a year and I am 41. If I could get my husband to agree to one more I would.

Well, some risks go up significantly at 40 so I would discuss with your doctor and maybe a genetic counselor. If you and your husband are healthy and want to do it, it could work out.