I lucked out with my last two boys, they were instant sleepers. My first was terrible, I too tried everything. I thought I was missing something since he was my first, and spent many days and nights frustrated and exhausted. I used the Dr. Brown's bottle (if you are using formula) and that helped cut down on the gas. Also I put a radio in his room and played a Worship CD and let him cry it out. Before bedtime, I tried to keep everything quiet in the house, low lights, and voices, not churchlike, but subdued. I would give him a lavender bath (courtesy of Johnson's) and put him in his crib. Before long he was sleeping like an angel. Now at six he still somewhat gives me a hard time at bed time, so there is something to say about their personalities. I also had a friend that would always use a fan, as a source of "white noise" to drown out the sounds of the house and that worked amazingly. I would laugh as she carted the fan around, but when you find something that works you stick to it.
Also, for yourself in the morning did you try preparing your other child's things for school the night before? I get my son's clothes around and we decide what he is going to have for breakfast, pack or eat at school. He knows that if he drags his butt in the morning he is going to have toast on the way to the bus stop (breakfast is provided at his school) and he can eat at school.
Your rest is #1 and it is something that us mom's usually don't get enough of. Try to steal a few minutes of good rest as you can, you will feel better and your family will appreciate it, too. I try to have my husband do the bedtime routine at least once a week so that I can turn in early and it does wonders for us all. Hang in there...