Have You Ever Gone on "Strike"?

Yes, it sounds like a strike in in order... but it would be best to sit down as a family and to have chores and time frames and consequences set up first. If they can't do it, then I would do a little strike for a few days. My kid are half their ages and help out more. My husband is an immense help. You are not their maid... how else are they going to learn unless the rules are in place and enforced?

I delegate. Everybody is responsible for their own rooms. The 3 men in the house share a bathroom....& the cleaning of it. I clean my own bathroom.

I can always count on my 15yo son to help me. I cannot rely on the other 2. It takes a family conference, temper tantrum (on my part), or huge posters hanging in their faces to get my point across. If asked, they "say" they help....but, yeah, right. :)

So between delegating & a lowering of my standards.....we have an essence of Peace. But there are many times when I simply say, "I'm done. Handle it".....& I hide in my room or on the computer. :)

I didn't make a big deal about it but yea, I stopped running myself ragged. I took a little staycation right in my own home. For about a week I didn't wash a dish, or any clothing. I didn't let my kid starve. But she did eat a lot of easy fast things to make such as PB&J and cereal. I let the kitchen go until there wasn't room on the counter to fix a sandwich and my husband knew something was wrong. He didn't get mad or anything, just confused. I let him know I was just a little worn out and needed a small breather and I'd do the kitchen later when I was feeling better.

He told me not to worry about it and cleaned the whole mess. Three loads of dishes later and then he made everyone dinner. Yea it was spaghetti because that's pretty much all he can make besides toast but eating food I didn't make myself was a major treat so to me it was mana from heaven.

Taking a breather every now and then is a good thing, but never do it with malice because if you do it in an angry sort of way, he'll be more likely to take up arms and go on guard, butting heads with you, rather than becoming your advocate.

I remember when my mom went on strike. She was shrieking. Most of us reacted like, "What's wrong with her?" I think she had just started back to work when I was in 4th grade. She just seemed irrational.

What happened was I ended up doing more, and my bro and dad didn't do anything more. Please don't go this route.

I like this idea, though I can't remember where it comes from. First, calm down (You'll be able to because you have a plan.) Then, get some butcher block paper and hang it on a wall. On the paper, put the name of every person in the house at the top of a column. Then for the next month, every time some errand, task or chore gets completed, write it under the person's name. Also include jobs outside the home. After a point, folks start writing their own completed tasks to get "credit" for it. If possible, also add seasonal or annual jobs to the list.

After the month or so, have a family meeting. Ask people what they notice. Usually, it is not hard to notice who is doing the most. Then, discuss how the jobs will be completed by others since Momma can't do it all and stay sane. Discuss how the jobs will be parceled out, whether it be rotating every week or month, or what task can just be given to another, whatever.

When a member of the family refuses to do the job slated to do, let it go. Then, when that member is looking for something to be done for him or her, don't. No ride to practice. No cookies for the bake sale. Pick the item that will get the most notice. Any laundry I pick up doesn't get returned for a month. You get the picture.

Basically, the visual of the list does the trick. A lot of people are unaware of what it takes to run a household until confronted with the "proof." Tell the family that all members of the family have to make substantial contributions to the running of the household. Discuss how maintenance of items keeps them in running condition and saves money. Discuss how visitors get impressions of one's home, and the standard you want to set.

When the jobs have been given out and your load is more reasonable and manageable, see if the standard you are aiming for is feasible given the time you all have to spend upon the jobs. Maybe it is too much.

My husbands cousin did this last year. She had older kids (high school) and she went on strike for one week. Her facebook posts were hysterical - and fantastic. She was going to movies, out to coffee. She made her girls find their own rides to early a.m. swimming - her husband had to make lunches and dinner... it was a huge eye opener for her family.

She's a full time Mom to two high school students. I'm sure her husband was like "what do you do all day" but now he doesn't complain anymore :)

Have you had your children come alongside you and work together with you? When you ask them to pick up their stuff, are you kind and gentle in the asking, or do you yell at them? If you are kind and gentle, then you are definitely not being too strict. You are giving them important lifeskills. If you tend towards yelling, then perhaps I can see why your husband might be frustrated with it, thinking you are too hard on them. I would have the kids in the kitchen while you are cooking. At their ages, they can do so much of the food prep. They should be the ones cleaning the kitchen after dinner. Of course, you can work alongside them, singing together, talking, joking, making it a fun family time. In our home, we all work together. No one person has all the repsonsibility. It would be too much! (We have 6 children.) Having children would be a drain and a strain if they were only consumers. But, when they contribute to the family, they are great assets and huge blessings. I can't imagine getting half the stuff done that we accomplish as a team if we didn't have so many children. Even the 5 year old contributes. Yours can, too. Don't nag. Don't make it a "chore" or a drag to help. Make it an expectation, a privilege, a part of being in the family. But, you have to take the time to teach them. You have to work beside them. You have to make it a joy to be together working. Turn off the tv, or whatever else is capturing their attention away from the things that need to be done. And do it together. Joyfully. YOU set the tone. It's all about attitude and instruction. Strong memories are made in these years. And great benefits to their futures as they learn to be a team, working together. They will be so much better prepared for real life if you include them daily, continually, in whatever it is that you are doing. Enjoy them and your role as mother.

And, no. I have never gone on strike or even entertained the idea. My family needs me. And it wouldn't set a very good example to my children. But, I do know that some days are tougher than others. :)

I agree w/ Momma L. Have a sit-down with your family first and lay it all out on the table. Tell them this is going to happen starting (Monday) and last through the following (Monday) or whatever your timeline is. I would advise that you carry it out over a weekend so your husband (I'm going to assume here that he works a typical 8-5 M-F job) can take charge over the weekend and get the kids to take action if the work/school week is hectic.

I didn't go on strike, per say, but I did leave husband and then almost-3-year-old kiddo home alone for 4 days while I visited my out-of-state parents solo. They did just fine at home (I knew they would) and husband greeted me at the airport with a heartfelt hug and kiss and said, "Please don't die!". LOL.

Edit to add: You could also ask them to pick up their things and tell them that if they don't do it within 30 minutes, you'll come through the house w/ a big black garbage bag and start throwing it out. Then do it - tie it off and put it in the bin outside. If they really want it, they can go haul it out themselves, open it up and retrieve their treasures. Maybe save that for after your "strike" - pretty dramatic! But you'll get results.

You are on the right track, BUT do it in a positive way. Teach them how to do somethings for themselves and provide what they need. Teach them how to leave the kitchen when they are done.
Mine all made their own school lunches or I gave them money to buy. I never made the lunches. I provided what they needed to make a lunch with.
The job of a mother is to work herself out of a job and to have productive children at the end of the game.
Teach them how to do everything, slowly and one task at a time. Do not dump it all on them in anger.
Have a day of rest where you do not fix meals. Provide bread and cold cuts or a frozen pizza that they can prepare on their own or something.
If you wait for them or your husband to give you a break it will never happen. You must take it, but do it calmly and not angrily and do not back down when you are met with resistance because you will be met with resistance.
I raised three children that can do laundry and cook and my husband now does all the cooking and laundry because I am in graduate school. It was not a big trauma. I just slowly but surely taught them how to do everything and backed myself out of the picture and did not let them guilt me into taking anything back.
I enjoy cooking and doing occasionally, but it is when I choose to and boy are they excited and grateful.

I did it. My floors had food and drinks spilled and tracked all over. It was gross. They did make an effort to clean up after themselves, but not much and not for long.
I tell new parents to limit the toys and flat out refuse stuffed animals except maybe one or two special ones. I decluttered 13 years ago and the only clutter is our child's toys, puzzles, legos, books, etc..

Whether you work full time or stay home, I think that house work is a family job not just for moms. I believe children need to be taught to be responsible and should clean up their own messes. I think that giving your kids chores to help take care of the house is also a good teaching tool for learning responsibility. I constantly "nag" my family to help me out and get a lot of resistance. I also feel like I am expected to be the maid or servant for my family even though I always ask for their help (but don't always get it). I like your idea to go on strike; maybe I will try that too. Maybe that will make them see how much you really do and start to appreciate you more. I would like to know what happens if you do strike.

I have done this. It was mostly targeted at my oldest, but everyone suffered.
You need to reteach everyone in your household what your job is. It is not maid, but MOM. Part of MOM is teaching your children how to take care of themselves.

Your 11 year old is old enough to use the washer, the dishwasher and do handwashing of dishes. She should also be able to make herself a sandwich and some scrambled eggs. So, she will have clothes and food. Make sure Dad will be able to take them and pick them up from school. If not, call a friend, explain the situation, and they will probably be on your side :)
You go!

My mom used to do exactly this on occasion and I think it is an excellent idea. Of course your husband thinks you're being too strict; he doesn't want to have to cook or clean himself. Others have given good advice on things you could also do, but nothing else will be as effective as a good strike.

I'd have a serious talk with my husband. That's all I need to do to get him to understand if I feel under-appreciated or too stressed out. I would not call it a "strike", because usually when I get like that, my husband totally understands and steps up to the plate. I call it a "break".

You have 7 and 11 year olds? Ha, THEY could do it all! I have 3, 4, 7 and 8. And they always do their chores (they actually LIKE responsibility, especially my oldest... I swear she's happiest when working), I just frequently forget to give them enough chores! They have had chores since they were 2. Have the kids do EVERYTHING. They are old enough, right? Well, except to drive:)

Oh, and if they don't pick something up, I take it away! AND I don't let them go onto B UNTIL A is done! ...and I always follow through! I'm "strict" too, but I don't have one bit a problem with it! LOL.

I'm a SAHM and a painter:)

Hah! Just sitting here thinking of giving all ungrateful teenagers in this house up for adoption when I read this post. And putting husband in with the package because he is just as bad.
Family meetings have not worked for me as my husband won't get behind me on this-he is happy having everything done for him as that is what his mommy did. I was two states away last weekend and TWICE my kids called me and asked me if they could do something. My response was "You father is right there, ask him. He is in charge." Their reply? He told me to call you.
So escaping doesn't even work for me. I'll check back on answers later and see if I can find one that works. Good luck!
O! I did storm out one night when all were under age 8 and left kids in the tub, and half undressed-my husband walked in and made some remark while I was getting kids ready for bed and I just yelled "I've had it!" , handed him a towel and stormed out. Drove around for about two hours and didn't answer my cell. When I came home, kids were crying and husband was slightly contrite but nothing changed. Think I just taught the kids that mom may get mad but she always comes back. :-/

The trouble in our house is that my husband and I have a totally different standard of "clean." I saw the house he grew up in. It was cluttered and dusty and the towels smelled of mold. After that he moved into a shared house at college where the bathroom was covered in mold and the living room had literally not been dusted or vacuumed in at least 10 years because students had been renting the rooms individually and nobody claimed responsibility for common areas! Yechh!!! But I can understand where he gets his idea of "clean" from.
Start by agreeing on a common standard of clean for your home and then what the children should be responsible for.

I was a stay at home mom for 30+ years so I can empathize. Sad thing is if you leave the house for a week, we both know who will pay for it. So what is a mom to do? Get the kids each a laundry bin for theiir room for starters, let them know if they leave it lay around, its now yours and they won't see it for two weeks (this includes toy, clothes etc). Assign chores to the kids, odd days one dries dishes, even days the other one does it. I had mine empty bath trash, etc everyday. Make a list and post it if you need to. When the weekend comes if the work hasn't been done, tell them mom had to do it and now she won't have time to run them to friends etc since she now has to do what she should have been doing when she did their chores. It will take about 2 weeks of this, some whining on their part and then they will pick up the slack. Worked for me. :O) Good Luck!

Yep! In my house it only 'worked' for about 3-6mo at a go.

I've shared these stories a couple of times, so I won't repeat... except for one thing:

House "exploded", everything an utter mess (I DID still cook, but cleaned not one thing)... husband came home to me reading a book and kiddo plugged in.

"What happened?!?"

"You know what you say I don't do all day? Today I didn't. And I'm not going to tomorrow. Or the day after. Or the day after that."

__________

I DO recommend letting everyone know ahead of time. The first one was out of sheer frustration (If I heard one more time "What did you DO all day?" with a sneer, I was going to not so quietly go mad)... after that, people got put on notice.

I SHOULD REALLY ADD.... I'm in the beginning of a divorce. Ever heard the phrase "A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still?"

It didn't matter how much I talked, showed, did... my husband believed me to be worthless, lazy, undeserving of help/ respect/ common decency. I could FORCE him to appreciate the work I did, by not doing it, but it wasn't what he really 'believed'. So ALL I got were short term results.

My husband is a bit of a rare case. Most people I know, with the same situation, wake up and stop taking things for granted. Not my husband. though. Hopefully yours isn't the same type.

I think what will happen is after the 2 weeks are up you will end up having to clean this awful giant mess! I would sit the whole family down and have a chart made up for all 3 of them listing off what they need to do each day. The kids can make their own lunches and breakfasts, pick up their own stuff daily, and have a few chores. Your husband will need to pick up his own things and have his own daily chores listed out. Your 2 kids AND you husband can all have one night a week to cook dinner. Yes, even your 7 year old can learn to make some simple things. On the nights they do not cook they need to take turns cleaning up after dinner. Maybe just maybe that will help but your husband needs to be on board with this. Good luck, I feel your pain! My family drives me nuts at times too!

Start giving your children more chores. I have my 2 and 3 year old sweeping up the crumbs after they eat at every meal. It's great! My floor looks clean all day long (I usually vacuum after dinner)..and they are learning to contribute to the household economy --they are learning about the existence of a household economy too!

As long as you rescue them over and over and over they will expect you to do so again and again. Stop the madness.

In my experience, going on strike only makes people angrier. I get so frustrated with the house being so disgusting that I usually give in before my hubby does. I have a 2 1/2 yo and a husband that acts like a 2 1/2 yo sometimes. We live in an itty bitty 2br 2ba apartment. Whenever he gets home from work, he strips down to his underwear right there in the living room and leaves his shirt, pants with a belt, socks, and shoes right in the middle of the high traffic areas (which are almost everywhere in our little hole in the wall). IT DRIVES ME CRAZY!!! I always step on his stupid belt and stab my foot, or trip over his huge shoes. His response, "Well maybe you should watch where you are going." AAARRRGGGGHHHH! (By the way, he is only joking when he says that, but it's still incredibly annoying) Sometimes I just leave his stuff where it is, and walk all over it as much as possible. Sometimes I pick it all up and pile it on the computer chair so that it's in his way instead of mine. Sometimes I put his DS on top of all his clothes so that he will get my not so subtle hint that I want him to put his clothes away. Just a reminder.... this is my husband, not my son. My son will put stuff away when I ask him to. Thank Heaven! I am slowly training my husband. He has progressively moved his pile of clothes to the hallway that leads to our bedroom. This is a step up, but even though it's in the middle of the walkway, he still forgets about it 90% of the time. The other 10% of the time it winds up on the floor only a couple of feet away from the nearly empty hamper. I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!! Anyways, good luck! If you find something that works and is foolproof, PLEASE post it on here for the benefit of SAHM everywhere!!

I would just lay some very specific ground rules for what you expect. If they are not met they don't get things from you.
Money for clothes, cell phones, computer, TV ect.
To get things from the parents, kids have to work for them. And by that I mean stuff around the house.
My kids are much younger than yours (2 and 3), but even now we are working on this stuff. If their play room is messy we give them time to clean up (we of course help and direct) but we say at the end of said time, whatever is on the floor goes in the trash. For now that has not happened, but I see the day when some things will be heading to Good Will. Oh well that's life we say... you were told.
We are teaching them out responsibility and that you have to work together to keep the whole house happy and clean. I truly think it is a life lesson they will always take with them.
I would just demand respect and help and if you don't get that- well then you need to do something to get their attention.
I suspect if you go on strick, they won't care all that much.....

Now as for hubby- I got nothing. You either get a man that helps or you don't. I got one that does. But I imagine if he didn't I would for sure not cook for him, clean his clothes (ever) and of course with hold some lovin until he got the point :)

My daughters are 3 and 5. They clear their plates from the table and the older does dishes at the sink (minus the sharp knives which I always do) while the younger wipes down the table. They also help sweep (though ineffectively so far) and they windex windows for me when I'm cleaning house. They dust, they put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket and they help me fold when I'm folding. They have scrubbed floor boards for me while I mop. We have a rule in our house. No one turns the tv on after dinner. Period. We clean up together, we read, we listen to music and talk. My guess is at your house husband and kids pop that sucker on as soon as your done eating and you get to clean up. What fun! I am also a stay at home and I do most of the housework because honestly how well do my young kids do dishes and fold?! I have to re do it all! But they are learning and they are proud of what they do. Your kids are old enough they should have WAY more responsibility and your husband should be encouraging it. If you can't get him on board I would strike for sure and I would go get myself a sweet little job at the local coffee shop or something. Your kids are old enough to fend for themselves and learn how to be a part of the family. You are responsible for teaching them to be adults, not for being the maid and chauffeur. You are doing them a serious disservice. And I am saying this as someone who was raised by a mother just like you. She was wonderful and she was very under appreciated by all of us. Until we left and realized we didn't know how to do anything! And life was much harder for me as an 18 year old who couldn't do one dang thing by herself.