Have You Ever Felt This Way?

I remember the lonely feeling and unfortunately it did not get better when my daughter was born. It did get better though when I found a hobby at my husband's suggestion. Finding a hobby isn't always that easy though. I went through several before I found something that I love and am truly passionate about. This "hobby" has led me to starting my own little business of selling my creations. Good luck to you and hang in there. It will get better, you just have to find what will make you happy.

My husband has his own business and is a workaholic. My best advice is to just accept the situation because you can't change it. And ENJOY the peace and quiet you're getting now. It is a blessing that you will look back on soon and wish you'd appreciated more (I know I wish I appreciated our pre-kids quiet time more). Read books, find a hobby, volunteer, do things that matter to you.

My husband's job often comes in first. It still drives me nuts and makes me jealous at times, but overall, I have learned that I'm happier if I just accept the reality. It's particularly hard with two kids and at times I'm like a single mom. But I can't change things so that's that.

I think you'll be much happier, too, if you stay away from the "what if's" and focus on the "OK, it's like this, so now what?"

I have. Find some special time, and make sure you let him know you appreciate all his hard work, and long hours. Then tell him you miss him being around and make some special plans together. Doesn't matter if it's pizza and blockbuster- or a movie and dinner out.. Spend time focusing on each other. You'll get through it. =D

Good luck!

Do not get angry when you have a man that works a lot of hours to provide for you and your child. He's doing his part. He needs you to hold it together at home and be supportive so he can keep working and making that money for your present and your future. Lots of young marriages fail due to the sahm getting mad because dad is at WORK all day. HELLO.. they have to do that, just like you have to be the housekeeper. It's a team effort.
Sounds like you have a good man there and you are just adjusting to being pregnant and the changes that will be coming up. After the baby is born you wont be "bored" anymore, trust me. It sounds like you need something to do to keep you busy.... maybe you should have kept working until closer to your due date?

Yep, I'll bet a whole lot a women have dealt with this. I recommend scheduling some special time together when he is off, and don't stop once the little one arrives either. When children are young and one parent brings home the "bacon" and the other parent does the house & child raising, it can slowly pull two people who love each other apart. The way to stop that from happening is to always make a special time for the two of you alone with your focus on each other and not all the other many things you do while away from each other. One of the best gifts you can give your child is to "LOVE" their other parent.... that's one of the ways they "see" and learn how to love.

Buck up.
Get busy- read a book, learn something useful.
Are you going to nurse? Become an expert about it. Have you studied proper nutrition for your family? Get busy.
Goodness, nothing for you to do- you sound like one of my teenagers instead of a mom to be- what do you need to know to make your life better, and the life of that guy who is working 6 12 hours days to provide for you and your child? You have time now- you will look back and wonder why you didn't use this time well, and miss that there was a point you had time.
Use it well- get busy,
best, k

I would suggest finding a non-offensive way to approach and tell him your feelings. Hang in there and good luck! : )

I have definitely felt lonely and irritated that he couldn't just come home after 8 or 9 hours. What helps me is to write about it. To journal and not censor anything I say. Then ask him to set aside some time just for the two of you to reconnect. Try not to get down on him for this-he is trying to provide for your family! As for waiting until Feb, find other moms to hang with, go to the library, playdates, park, stroll around the mall etc. I would keep yourself as busy as you can and then the time will pass faster. Before you know it, he will be home.

M

Oh yeah. I think you have to talk to him about it. Yes, you do have to be understanding to an extent and of course it's his job and he's supporting the household right now, but that doesn't mean your needs get to be neglected b/c of it. I agree that finding time to do things outside the home, which won't be all that easy for the first 3 months of Baby's life b/c you'll be so dang tired, but join a book club or plan a monthly date with a girlfriend or whatever so that you have something to look forward to and he has to get out of work on time. Once a month is certainly not too much to ask for! Also try and make the most of it when he is home and spend time together and make sure he spends time with the baby, which I'm sure he will. I will also warn you that your feelings on this subject may get worse before they get better, especially when you're totally sleep deprived and you've been alone with the baby all day. It's totally normal, but try and keep some perspective and maybe start talk to him now about how he's going to help when the baby arrives, like will he get up at night even if he has to work the next day, will he be in charge of cooking or picking up dinner at least some nights the first few months, etc. Hang in there!

Your question brings up a lot of old feelings for me. My husband has ALWAYS worked long hours and even has put in six days a week in jobs where 37.5 hours a week was the expectation for a full timer. When he was offered his current job he went from a 1 hour and 15 minutes (sometimes much longer dependent on weather) commute to a 20 minute one. He STILL was reluctant to take it based on how much he liked the old office and coworkers. I think we would be having VERY SERIOUS issues had he not taken the one he has now. I think that in situations such as yours you have to go through a little bit of discomfort with the conversation(s) about what needs to change in order to avoid facing the inevitable blow up that is going to happen if you go along to get along and say nothing. I think that far too many people plead their work needs them and so they need to be there compared to being home for the family. I have seen enough types of jobs and job demands that it seems no one is in a position where they cannot make every effort to eat with their family at least three nights a week. I know the economy sucks and switching jobs in favor of better hours or a more understanding boss is dificult at best but even if the work situation cannot change your husband's understanding of what needs to take place can happen

i understand hwo u feel. my hubby works 14 hr days (he is gone from 6 or 7 in the morning and isnt home till ten). I am a SAHM and latley our toddler has been extremely...ummm lets say spirited, and its frustarting not having him here to help, but i know it is hard on him not seeing our son as much as he would want to. and to me it sounds like your SO is trying really hard to provide for u and your future child, i know its tough but with a baby u have to make sacrfices. good luck

You don't mention why you are no longer working. Is it related to the pregnancy or were you let go from the company?
Can you do the administrative chores for the business from home?
It seems you feel alone because you're no longer "in the loop"; and feeling a sense of worth is important.Discuss this with your husband, and ask him to "help me help you"
Hope it all works out; and Blessings on the new baby. You're certainly going to have some fun and worthiness when that baby arrives.

well, the first thing i thought when i read this was to hope you don't ever confront him adversarially about this. so many posts from women whose men don't or won't work, you have a really good guy here so make sure he knows it! you do need to make sure that the time you have with him is meaningful, (for him AND you, make sure he gets some alone time if he needs it) but it's not his job to entertain you. enrolling in college courses is an excellent solution. soon you'll have a baby and never be bored again<G>.
good luck!
:) khairete
S.