Have You Actually Known People to Change?

I have known people who have changed dramatically--for the better. But not because I have asked or explained why I think it would be the right thing to do. It's because THEY were motivated to change and were looking for change. I agree-change comes from within.
Compromise--that's another story.

Have *I* ever convinced someone to change? Not even remotely.

Have I had the privilege of witnessing people change? All the time.

yes. But not as you describe as "to convince". All change comes from within. We don't usually have that power over other people.

I have not convinced anyone, but my father said when I told him I was pregnant, he realized he needed to get his life together.

It took him many years to realize why he was so angry and mean. Then it was hard to admit he had a drinking problem and even longer to realize he was addicted to drugs.. He had been smoking pot for 25 years, but did not think it was an addiction. He divorced his second wife. Moved back to town, attended AA meetings, found a new job, new friends..

People will not change unless they want to. It takes a lot of energy to break a bad habit, to seek help, and to be able to keep up with the changes that are needed. It is the person with the problem that must really want it. No pushing pleading or prodding can make them do anything. Some people just have to hit rock bottom.

I have learned it is not a reflection on me, if they cannot change. It does not mean they do not love me. That they do not respect what I am asking or saying, it is that they are weak, afraid and just feel too overwhelmed.. Or they just do not care and are not bothered by their condition or status.

And yes, My father is remarried to a wonderful woman that we all love. He is proving he can live this life without temptations of his old life. He is not perfect, but he is so much better, it is like he is a totally different person.

Yes I have seen people change i have a friend who is a single dad he stopped drinking and doing drugs to be a better parent..Whats wrong with the gift buying..The person has to want to change though

Yes but then I could sell snow to an Eskimo. :)

There are some people you just can't change, they are dogmatic. My parents were like this. My ex was as well.

If you find people open to change you can get them to change, otherwise it isn't happening.

What Jane said.

:)

Lasting change comes very slowly and only when a person truly wants to change. It is my belief that the human condition says that we will strive to do those things someone tells us is wrong. We fight back. Or, we want what we can't have. I could go weeks without ice cream. But when I do eat it, I want a lot of it for awhile. I don't like written policies in my daycare because I've found that the moment parents sign the policy book and handbook, they systematically test the boundaries for every one of those polices.

We all need to do what we can and what we need to for ourselves, and TRY to do so in a way that doesn't infringe on someone else's right. My brother is die-hard against others telling them what to do with his yard. He would not in a million years listen to someone telling him to get rid of cars or anything else.

The motivation has to be right for the person. My daughter has not listened to some things I felt she should change. I only wanted small changes, nothing big. But she didn't like me making those suggestions. But when she started hearing these things from her future mother-in-law, she's all for them.

So my answer....NO. I haven't seen lasting change because "I" asked anyone else to change. But that's not to say I haven't seen good, lasting change in people :)

Yes I have seen people change.
BUT, not because I told them to, or made them change.
They changed, because within themselves, THEY wanted to change and put in the effort. Of which, to whatever degree they did 'change' (or improve for the better), you have to accept that. Because, if someone expects 'perfection' and 100% complete change in someone else, you will never be satisfied.

For me personally per the people/person I know, yes, it has been lasting.
BUT with any human being, nothing is static. EVERYONE has... relapses or difficult days.
That has to be factored into it too. Not just dismissing the person's efforts, just because on 1 single day, they had a hard day.
It is the OVERALL... person, relative to themselves, and how they have self-improved.

I have seen people change, for the better, permanently. But it was their decision to change. Sometimes (often?) they sought help about how to do it. But nobody convinced them, really - no single person did the job; they came to the conviction themselves. And I'd say that's a good thing.

That means most of us who would like to persuade somebody of something or other - something that would be good for them - are not going to feel successful.

However, on occasion something that somebody says or does may send me in the direction of *wanting* to change. It may alter my perspective a little, or in a matter of speaking it may start to wake me up.

You cannot control other people. You can ASK that they change....show them that things will improve for them IF they change...

People CAN change...they only have to want to...You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink.

I had the worst case scenario! I spoke very gently to my DH about his dramatic 30 pound weight gain over 6 months. He dealt with it alright! He lost every pound!! Yay! Then he wondered why I couldn't lose my extra couple of pounds of baby weight. BOO! LOL!!

Yes, it can work but as everyone else said: Only if the other person really is ready to make a change.

It is good to remember that the only person that you can change is yourself......

yes, change can happen....but only if the person desires the change.

Several years ago, we had a joint intervention for both my dad & my older son. Both required joint replacement surgery. Both were delaying thru fear & pure German hard-headedness. My dad had his surgery within 3 months of the intervention. My son attempted to have his, but was stonewalled by the sr surgeon on his team.....surgery was delayed for another year.

So it can work....

No, and in fact, I think there is some study that says people are pretty set in their ways after the age of 30 and its likely they will not change drastically.

I think your question is if one person can help change another person? I think convincing another person rarely works to change social behavior. But I have seen one person tell another that she cares very much, and it appears that the friend was experiencing a very dangerous food disorder. The friend told her husband of the outrageous conversation, he agreed that she was ill, and she went to the hospital for help that night. The doctor said it saved her life.

About half the people i know have made significant changes. The rest are hopeless.

No.
It's possible but not very probable.
People are creatures of habit.

I think you can bring an issue up to someones attention but, in order to say the person made a life change, I would say it has to be something they want to change. If they don't see it as a problem then it doesn't happen. Mostly what happens is things change for a short period of time then go back to same routine.

My husband used to be a workaholic...and he gradually changed. It nearly ruined our relationship. He started changing after grad school...very slowly over years. Once we had kids he seemed to change for good. He is great at what he does but now he knows how to say no and he values family time over work. Before he changed we had many conversations/arguments etc about this topic. I am sooo happy and feel lucky that he could change. His dad never did and his parents now live apart.

Although I cannot say that I have ever convinced someone to change, I can say that I have seen amazing change in people. Whoever it is that you are wanting to change- you need to believe in them and know it may take a great amount of time. I do not believe a person will have lasting change b/c someone else wants it -but I truly believe anyone can change if THEY want to, I'm an optimist!! Best of luck!