K.S.
I come from a family who's parents fought constantly. My parents were married for thirty years and finally divorced. I hear people say all of the time that it is better for the children to have parents separate so that they can live in a peaceful environment. However, speaking from experience, I am glad that my parents stayed married for us. I was eighteen when they divorced, and though now they seem to be happier, our family as a whole is not as close as we all used to be. They had extreme communication issues that in my opinion, if just one of my parents would have communicated differently to the other, they would not have fought NEARLY as much and may have even been happy.
My mom STILL holds a grudge against my father and they have been divorced for eighteen years now. I saw many things that they did wrong to each other, but things could have easily changed if just one would have treated the other one better. It takes two, to fight and is completely avoidable in front of the children. Step out of the room, or leave the house when a fight starts in front of the children. He may try to start a fight with you, but you can choose to not keep it going, by not responding to him, or leaving the situation. It is extremely selfish and childish to fight in front of kids, no matter the reason. I agree with you that, he should not discuss this with the kids, it just puts added stress on them. But, you can't stop him from doing it, you can only make sure that you do not do this. Don't talk bad about him in front of or to the kids. If you do, more than likely it will backfire on you and they will end up resenting you when they are older.
The only thing I learned from my parents is what NOT to do and I make sure I do not do anything my parents did with their marriage and I have a beautiful marriage as a result. It sounds like you are giving up and not taking responsibility for your part in this. I'm not blaming you, but I have heard all my life, my mom blame my father for this and that, and never once did she take responsibility for her part in it. Very frustrating! Never once, have I heard from her that she may have done something wrong, it was always his fault and he did this to me, etc... Still, to this day, everything is/was his fault. When I point out behaviors I saw in her, she basically gets irrate and denies she ever did anything wrong. I am only seeing his faults here in your post too.
You truley can't get over or resolve an issue if you don't accept your part in it. Seldom, is it ever always the other persons entire fault. The first step to changing a situation, is changing your own behavior. As I said earlier, I am glad my parents stayed together, even though they fought and I do wish they were still together. It's too bad, that so many grown adults act childish and fight so much. Good luck to you and your family and especially your boys.
