You have a moment to yourself. You can rush around doing things that you don't usually or easily get done because you're on perpetual baby duty, or you can do something relaxing and maybe mindless before jumping right back to duty. You go the mindless route because you've been going between baby duty and chores ALL DAY. When you finally settle into your activity (which you hope will last 15-20 minutes), your husband comes to you with baby in tow and asks, "Do you really think that that is the best use of your time right now?" And he's serioius. And annoyed.
If this has happened to you, how have you avoided just sticking your finger in his eye or stomping all over his feet?
(Once he confirmed that he was serious, I told him yes. Then, I gave us both some air before explaining it to him. I don't know that he got it, so I'll go over it again when i think that we are ready. We were both tired, and I just didn't want to go to sleep feeling like I could kick him under the covers.)
ETA: I knew that you ladies would come through for me! In his defense, he is very attentive and cooperative and very hands on. He even runs my errands for me when I just don't feel like getting out. I think that we were both tired at the end of a long day. He doesn't understand when I take my moments at night. I'm co-sleeping and nursing, so sometimes I go to bed early and get up around midnight or 2am to take my bath and maybe go back to bed. I think that this hit him where it hurt because he was ready to go to bed and didn't understand why I wouldn't just get finished with everything so we could all go to bed.
Oh, and this was on Sunday night. I get up and leave the house for work every day just like he does. When I want to wind down, I get in a quick game of online Scrabble (about 20 minutes) and watch part of one of the stupid Housewives shows.
I think that I was mostly venting. I was having a moment. My husband is awesome and offers all the time to take the baby with him when he has to run an errand. He will keep up with him if I ask. I just know that unless the baby is out of the house, I can never really "clock out" like he can, and sometimes I resent it. I have shared this with him (because I speak pretty openly with him). I've said, "Hey, this is something that you're doing wrong. I just need to verbalize how I'm feeling and figure out how to manage it." On this particular night, he was waiting for me so we could all go to bed. I was drying clothes and running bath water, so I figured I could steal a moment. Baby was gonna take a bath with me. It was one of those cases where I just needed to STOP, OR ELSE.... We're over it, now.
Since you did not suffocate him that night after he fell asleep, you are a better woman than I am!
:(
I have, yes. And I always look at him like he's grown another head and say "YES!"
One thing that has helped is leaving him alone for the day with the kiddo. Then he never wonders what has gone on in my day. And most of the time he has to ask his mother for help.
No, my husband likes his balls where they are.
My favorite line was... "So, what did you do all day?" . Um... want the actual minute-by-minute? I had to take a week-long graduate course when my son was 3 months old. My husband had him alone for 3 days. Let's just say that conversation has NEVER come up again!
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Been there, and let me just say you were way more mature than I was. I practically gutted the poor guy.
A man works from dusk til dawn..... a woman's work is never done.... B.S.... I think it is great you are attempting to take care of yourself. Makes you a better Mom, and wife. Go Girl! Set that man straight!
LOL, you poor thing ;) I don't give my husband the chance to give me grief... I usually lock myself in the bathroom with a nice hot bubble bath and a book!
Yup. And I simply told mine, "Zip it. I need a break."
I do 3 things he doesn't ever like to do... Cook [when I feel like it :)], laundry, and grocery shopping.
I've told him that he'd get a very special thing every time he'd go grocery shopping for me... I'd do the coupon clipping, put them in order according to the store(s), and I'd even make the list according to the order of the store(s)... He still wouldn't go for it. So I remind him of those things too. ☺
Yes, we both actually do that to each other. It works out better if we announce to each other that it's time for our break before we take it, and then the other usually understands and doesn't criticize. If I tell him I need a break (or if he tells me), then it implies that I've just done a ton of work (even if he wasn't home to see it) and therefore I'm off the hook for awhile.
The underlying frustration may be not enough time alone with each other. He is wanting/ needing more attention if you know what I mean. Which I know is also exhausting at this point. Stick to your self care. Whatever it is. Men always find time to do what they enjoy. Just make time for each other. I personally could not handle all the co sleeping. I needed time at night for rest and just being with my husband after a full day of being a stay at home mom.
Oh yah, Husbands do that all the time.
But, men can do anything per THEIR children and upkeep, except breastfeeding.
Men/Dads... have limited attention spans, for 'babysitting.'
So it is an ongoing thing.
BOTH parents are tired. But they are both parents.
Hence, a Man/Dad, has to do things too, per the kids/baby/home upkeep.
It just is.
It is called "responsibility."
Men.
They don't always get it.
Some women, make a "Daddy Do-List." On it, you put down in a list, what THEY need to do. Because, if not, they can't even think, about what to do, nor next, nor right now, nor 1 hour later.
And no matter what, they are a PART OF THE FAMILY AND KIDS TOO.
They need to get used to that.
Then, you ALSO need to tell the Husband, that you need time to yourself too. And plan it. Tell him ahead of time. Even if you are doing nothing... so what. It is your, time.
Once, I made a LIST, of what I do, EVERYDAY, from the moment I wake up and go to bed, and then showed it to my Husband. He was floored.
Sure I'm a SAHM, but still... a Man has to know, that it is not lounging around all darn day. AND THEY are a "parent" too... which they have to get into their vocabulary, too.
If my husband would have made that comment to me, he would have gotten more than a kick under the covers. That was beyond rude, and I see why you were pissed.
I agree with the other ladies here, sometimes men just don't get it. I once wrote a list and totalled the hours for my hubby the things I do, and just the basics of cooking, cleaning, laundry, and errands. The JOB part of my job, if you will. It totalled 51 hours a week and did not include kid stuff (since I consider it a blessing not a job to take care of kiddos), or the 8 hours a week I spend volunteering at my kids' school, or any extras that come up. He hasn't bugged me since. :)
Yes, that's happened to me!! UGH! sorry, I'll get to that as soon as I finish eating these bon bon's and watching my soaps... (He hates when I say that!) I've been feeling lazy lately and I'm much too busy to be on the internet or doing mindless activities BUT when I'm pregnant or chasing a little one, I'm extra tired and tend to choose the mindless stuff when I have a free minute. I probably shouldn't but I'm trying to figure this out. Comments from the peanut gallery doesn't help...LOL But I do ignore those comments as my husband is so awesome and really appreciative and helpful to me. =) Usually, he'll say that out of frustration at the moment and not really directed at me personally. Good luck!
Not exactly the same scenerio, but close. And the thing is, perhaps we should consider his words. You can say something like, "I'm sorry. I was excited about having a few minutes to do something I haven't been able to do in awhile. Is there something else you need me to do right now?" Perhaps framing it in a way that shows you respect his opinion rather than get defensive might help both people. I've also learned that in some situations I might forewarn my husband that I hope to accomplish something in particular that day/evening to make sure it doesn't conflict with what he has in mine. This gives him warning of what to expect, and not have his own agenda built up. However if he already has something important going on, this would give me fair warning that it might not work out like I want. It's working together, communicating. I find that when my expectations get built up, I have less patience and tolerance for interuptions. I'm sure most people are similar, including my husband. Sometimes, I am overlooking the more important things, and my time really should be spent elsewhere instead of goofing off on a pleasurable activity. Not always, but sometimes.
Haha. Mine didn't say it like yours did. He said it more like "Can't you wait till after she goes to bed?" (as if I want to stay up super late all the time getting everything done). He gave a sort of helpless look on his face and his voice had a bit of a whine to it. So, I took a minute to myself and replied with "Sure I can, the sex I was planning on for us after she goes to bed can totally wait."
He never said another word about me...needing MY time.
Oh and he knows not to bug me during my real housewives. Thats mamas time to blank out and watch something mindless!
=)
It has happend to me before. Sit down and tell him with out arguing i think i deserve at lesast 20 minutes to pamper my self. I know that ur tired from work . I also work hard working my day job comming home and handling my responsibilities as a mother and a wife and and its tiring. U can also tell him that he should trade places for at least 1day or 2 and u will see that its going to be extreamly tiringing for him and u will see he is going to tell u i dont know how u do it ,say imagine doing it every day and thats only that u had them for 1 or 2 days. He will be telling u honey take in 1 hour to rexaled and pamper ur self. It worked for me i hope this helps.
Lol! I would make it my mission in life to see to it that he never again how to decide to spend HIS free 20 minutes! And maybe he could have used a kick under the covers? :)
