Has Anyone Ever Used a Professional Interventionist to Help a Loved One?

I am sorry you are going through this.

Unfortunately, I believe that nothing can be done until "he" realizes it needs to be done.

Speaking as someone who recently lost my husband very suddenly, it is a complete shock and sometimes I have a hard time getting myself out of bed to do my daily routine and get out of the house. It still feels like yesterday that my husband just dropped dead in front of me at home and it happened last October. New Years Eve 2015 would have been our 27th anniversary and we had been together 30 years.

How old is he? I am assuming retired. He needs to be active. As strange as it seems, my 21yo daughter notices if I am not getting out enough and she makes plans to have a meal, shop, etc. She is pretty smart because she knows I don't turn her down to do anything because I keep in the back of my head that someday she will be too busy for me and I won't get that opportunity.. possibly (unlikely but possibly).

What about grandchildren? A senior center?

It is very hard losing your partner. I am in grief counsel with some people still there from losing a partner 4 years ago. I am one of the newbies. Some people just can't go on without their partner and others have a complete reversal and marry the first person to come along because they cant stand to not be married.

There is a man in his late 70's in my group and his wife died in December 2015. I can see him declining every time we meet. I know he babysits his grandchildren and he daughter is doing her darndest to keep him busy. His 50th anniversary would have been in 2016.

The counseling program we are in is a non profit through our city. It costs nothing to participants. It is one area of my city that I am giving back because I see how well it helps people.

Best wishes to you

I fear you will find there is nothing you can do. When my grandma died my grandpa shortly followed. He just couldn't live without her. When my mom died my father ran out and found a new wife three weeks later. I guess he just couldn't live without a wife, any wife will do.

I would suggest you find a therapist to work with for yourself. To discuss this and figure out what is and is not in your control. Then go forward if you still want to intervene.

My BFF's spouse died suddenly a few years ago, for 3 years she was almost continually drunk. She is a therapist and has many therapist friends, but the pain for her was too much to take sober. I called her every a.m. and every p.m. for a year and just listened....didn't exhort, didn't try to convince her to stop drinking. At the end of 3 years, she became taking acting lessons and traveling. She now does stand up comedy in her town.

Losing a spouse is incredibly painful. Is there a Widow/Widowers support group in your town? Perhaps if you found one, and just picked him up and waited in the car till he was done, that would help.

Another thought: And, this would depend upon your family history with pets. When my mother retired and started knitting enough stuff that we could live in all the garments till 110, we got her a small dog, a bichon. She suddenly had a reason to get out of the house, got to know all her neighbors and it really lifted her out of potential depression. Most likely, you shouldn't get a puppy...but perhaps an older, small dog (assuming you live near by and can check on how things are going.) Or, even a cat. Being alone all day must be so hard for your Dad.

Also: Alcoholism is pretty tough..it is a physical dependency as well as an emotional one. As you know, not drinking is not just a matter of willpower, it is a matter of physical withdrawal as well as emotional withdrawal. You might want to investigate alcoholism treatment centers. The best ones offer residential treatment, then additional treatment at the end of the residential treatment..sometimes it is a group home, sometimes it it someone who stops in everyday. There is an organization called The National Association of Addiction Treatment Providers, which has a website you can search. I have no personal experience with alcoholism, but I have done some consulting work for addiction treatment centers.

well, no. but we thought about it not too long ago, with a family member who was on a collision course with disaster. growing up with addiction issues in the family, we decided that it was all hand wringing until this person decided to actively seek help in making things better. i'm very grateful this has happened.
until it does, i don't think it matters how 'professional' or expensive the interventionist is.
i'm so sorry about your dad. i hope he can turn it around.
in the meantime i suggest you consider getting help for YOU in learning how to cope. it's a rough road for sure.
good luck, hon.
khairete
S.

It won't work unless he wants the help. From what you wrote he doesn't see this as a problem. If you or your sister live close enough maybe attack the problem by cooking him meals and getting him out of the house for walks. If you have children they can be a good motivator for Grandpa. Right now he's disconnected from life. You need to concentrate on getting him reconnected. He's lost without your mom and hasn't figured out how to live without her around.

I wish you luck in this.

Talk to your father's doctor, now, and report what you are seeing. The doctor can't talk to you without your father's permission (don't know if you are his health proxy), but the doctor CAN and WILL listen. There may be elder services in your area who can get involved if someone is a danger to himself or others (such as if he is driving). You may be able to get some people in the house to "help" with housekeeping and cooking, who are also capable of doing more. But get professional advice through the physician and elder services before you do anything.

Good luck - I'm sure this is intensely terrifying and painful for you.

I have a friend who did one on her dad but I have few details.

She pondered for a while if she should do it or not and I kept saying, if your dad dies, you will feel horrible knowing that you never intervened. He's your dad, you need to make every attempt to save his life. He did the full 30 days but she doesn't talk about him much.

Contact Elder Care Services, usually a subdivision of County Social Services. They can inform you of services available to you to help your dad. Sometimes you can get an intervention and he will be hospitalized for at least 72 hours for treatment. He can be kept longer if the doctors and a judge see a need for him to be held longer.

Other than that all you can do is join Al-Anon, a group through AA, for the families of substance abusers.

Call adult services. Ask them to do a well check on him. See if there is any way you can get him evaluated for his own safety.

You need to document every scrape every bruise and every thing you see, away from him so he doesn't know. Ask him what he did, was he able to take care of the injury, did he even know it happened. I'd try to video him talking about it too, just to show a worker or court that he wasn't able to take care of himself.

Then if someone comes along and says he's being abused you can document what you've seen and what he's said. It will go to show a health pattern too.