Has Anybody Ever Stayed Home for the Holidays?

Stephanie,

In addition to what everyone else has said, you may also want to remind them to think back to when they wanted to inform their own parents that they would be doing something differently from what was expected. It may be hard for them to remember how they felt 20+ years ago when they experienced the same thing. : )

Good luck and stand firm!
D.

Stephanie,
We did the same thing 4 years ago. And then again when I was pregnant with my daughter. Family in KY and family in VA on the West Virginia Border. When our marriage first began (and we had just his sons from his first marriage) we would drive to KY and spend Christmas Eve there and then Drive back home all through the night to spend Christmas with my parents. After 3 years of that, we decided that it was too much and my first son was coming along. So, we did a split. One year in KY for Thanksgiving and then that Christmas at my parents house (2 hours from mine). The next year Thanksgiving at my parents and then Christmas in KY. It got to the point when my 2nd son came along, that I just wanted to spend a Christmas and Thanksgiving at home. I knew the relatives were going to get upset and hurt, but we both just felt the stress of traveling and just wanted to relax in our own home. We told them exactly as you put it. We just want to spend a year or two here and there at our home. We are sorry if anyone is hurt by it, but it is how we have to have it. Family DOES NOT come see us! And I guess that is their way of telling us how they feel about it. My family got so excited when we told them we were staying home, because they assumed that meant we would be at their house for the holiday, but to their dismay, we stayed at our home. It has been such a awesome decision and so nice every few years to just sit back and relax in your home. Enjoy your home cooked food on Thanksgiving and enjoy the kids coming down your own stairs at Christmas. Not too mention being able to give them Big gifts (Like a new outdoor playset or ATV) that you could not at someone elses home. You are lucky to have your inlaws come to you and I would not worry too much about how they feel about it. You will find it awesome and wanting to do it more! Good Luck and have fun! Relax and enjoy!
HTH
Jenn
Mama to Bryce~9 Austin~6 Taylor~19 mnths
Step Mama to Nich~15 Christian~14

Hi Steph,
We had the same problem a about a year ago after the birth of our 3rd child. Everyone wanted us at their house for the holidays, and we've played that game in the past. Neither my husband or I enjoy our Christmas when give in and visit for Christmas and by the time we get home after the trip we're exhausted and school and work are knocking on the door again so our whole vacation is over and WE didn't get any of it. We finally had to just put our foot down and tell everyone that if they wanted to see us for Christmas that they'd have to come to us. What has also worked for us is staying home for Christmas itself then leaving to visit on the 26th. That way our kids got to open their presents from Santa (us) then enjoy what Santa left for them at everyone else's house (grandma, grandpa, auntie, great-grandma, etc.) I hope these ideas help a little, and I feel your pain about dropping the bomb that you want to stay in your own home for Christmas. Good luck. :)

~Jen
~____@____.com
~SAHM of 3 boys 8,5, & 2

If you are close and have open communication with your family, you should be able to tell them the truth without any hurt feelings or resentment. Explain to them the stress related with traveling, especially over the holidays with a little one, and explain to them the financial burden it imposes. Trust me, that is a legitimate and very common stresser for most of us and I can understand exactly where you are coming from. As the other lady suggested, it's now your turn to make your own family traditions. Let your family know how special and welcome they've always made the holidays feel, and now you want to follow in their footsteps and establish traditions to make it just as special for your own children now. Invite them to take part in going so. I wish much joy and relief over the next holiday season.

I have the same situation with my family. We tend to switch off years one year they come to us, the next year they stay at home and we stay at our home. Most parents understand wanting to have your child at their home for the holidays. As long as thier off It should be ok just be honest with them. Good luck.

Might I just say...Lucky you for having family out of state. :) Our family is just a hair over 2 hours away from us, so the idea of staying home for a holiday isn't understood very well. But like you, since our family isn't in the immediate area (though closer than yours) we don't have family around to help us out in a pinch or any of the other advantages of having family nearby. We have always alternated christmas between the in-laws. But I admit having children now makes the travel dreadful. I've had people tell me to invite family up to our place, but both sets of parents are aged (pop just turned 80) and really not able to travel themselves. Have you tried putting it just like you did in your post?? It isn't hurtful to either set of parents and is more matter of factly stated. you might even think about inviting your parents up for the following Christmas and the in-laws for next year's New Year's?

We have travelled for the holidays and we have stayed home. It is definitely a lot less stressful when you just stay at home. Families want to be together, but what is important to remember that you are your own little family now and you need to have your own traditions as well.

I used the phrase "starting our own family traditions" a lot. My daughter is 22 months and we went to family for her first holidays, and now we are staying home for Christmas. I agree to much stress, and we really do want our kids to have Chrsitmas morning at our home. We have invited both sets of parents to join us if they wish, and we will visit them before or after (we are only a few hours drive from them both), but need to spend the eve and day in our home. I know our situation is a little different, but I just tried to make it "lovingly clear" that we want to be there, but we just need to have our own traditions with our kids.
My DH is an only child so this was hard on my MIL, but they are more than welcome here.
Good luck!
K.

Home is where the heart is! We alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas between our families. This year, for Christmas, we'll travel but, return home Christmas eve to enjoy Christmas day at home with our 1-year old daughter.

This will be the second year that we are "close" for the holidays. In the past, we lived in NC or TN... when we lived in NC the first time we were sans children so we came in to see the family (9 hour drive each way)... in TN the first time we flew home for Christmas... the second time we were in TN we stayed home (I did take my son "home" to family for the new year)... and I did the same for the second time living in NC. I loved having neighbors and other "out-of-staters" over for Christmas Eve dinner. Now that we are 2 hours from "home" I feel badly that my kids don't have the same "big" holiday experience I grew up with.

I would love for my family to come here... and they actually have come down just after Christmas last year... hmmm...

On that note. Be honest with your family. They may be more understanding than you expect them to be. (hugs)