Hard Headed 18 Month Old........ Help!

I think all of the advice you've been given is great. You just have to remember that this "too shall pass". My guy started doing the same thing about 18 months. He's 27mos now and I started seeing some improvement at 24 months. Good luck!!

My middle child was my dramatic one (she's 8 now), and what worked best for her was ignoring.

You have to really steel yourself to it (and the looks that come along with it - but what the heck, raising your kids is YOUR deal, not anyone else's!), and you have to be INCREDIBLY consistent; basically, when the meltdown begins, you ask once for the behavior you want ("Little Jane, please ask in your big girl voice"), and then that's it. The last thing you say is, "I'm sorry, but I don't hear fussing" or something to that effect. Then seriously, act as if you have no idea a little person is whining and crying and flopping on the floor like a fish. Pick him up if need be, but don't cradle or snuggle at all, just plop him in the cart and be on your way down the next aisle. No eye contact, and for pete's sake remember - it's ignore, not ignore until you can't stand it! DO NOT lose it halfway in and start bargaining or scolding - or worse, cuddling.

Then, eventually they realize it's no darn fun without an audience and will calm down. Immediately look him in the eye and say what a big boy he is to stop fussing. Try to address whatever need he originally had.

If it gets really bad and the ignoring isn't working, just leave. Whatever you were shopping for will be there another day.

It takes some dedication - believe me, I'd been a mom for 12 years by the time I had to try this technique, and I couldn't believe how hard it was... but it worked like a charm as long as *I* did it properly. Took MAYBE a week for her to realize that I meant it when I said I didn't hear her fussing voice.

Good luck - hope it works for you, too!

Understand. lol I laugh because DD is 3 now. But at a year she had her happy screams and definitely had moments when she would scream when she was flustered. At this age they are still transitioning from crying like when they were babies when upset or hungry to getting to talk like a pro. For us it was mostly a "stage". As she got older she outgrew the screaming, but really not until closer to her 3rd birthday. For her everything is drama. But we would tell her we don't scream in restaurants, because people are eating and don't want to listen to that. A lot of times, she was hungry and if service took too long...man, that is when she would start to get fussy. So have a snack ready for him to nibble on. She loved to color since before 12 months...so we made sure we had at least some sticky notes and a couple of crayons for her. At the grocery, we would tell her big girls don't like that. Or I don't understand crying and just ignored her until she settled down enough to use her words. She was talking in sentences before 2...so I knew she could tell me the deal! At the house, we walk away and do something else. For her a lot of times her fussiness meant she was hungry or tired or even bored. So for us we learned before it was gonna start we'd sidetrack by mentioning hey wanta share an apple with me or do you want to color/draw or hey go get me a book. My SIL would just say how her kids were so strong-willed and wouldn't listen to her. But that's just an excuse. You really just have to teach them now what behavior is acceptable and what is not. If you make any "threats" you have to go through with it or they'll learn hmm...mom won't do anything anyway. And for us it went away....of course she has her moments. But she has learned what behavior we expect out of her. And she's doing pretty good. :) Best wishes!

1. have you had his hearing checked?

2. if you are in public and he will not respond to your requests to stop screaming or whining - leave. it's a 'either stop now or we leave."
Do not pass go. do not check out. Pick your son up and walk out. My oldest is special needs and still has melt downs in public. I get up and leave with her.

3. I have been known to ignore too. (i have three 9 and under) I saw one Mommy at walmart last year that ROCKED at this. Her toddler was pitching one hellacious hissy fit. She just kept talking softly and calmly to him and went about her business.

4. and the final and obvious suggestion - don't take him with you to the grocery store. Make it mommy time. And let your son have Daddy time. and perhaps even let your son know why he is unable to accompany you. He is about old enough to learn about actions and consquences...

Good luck. Been there. done that. got the t-shirt.

J C,

My son is also 18 months old, we have found that ignoring the bad behavior is the best way to go about doing away with it. If we respond to out burst then he thinks they are ok. We us time out, even in public.

Good luck,
J.

OK I had a little one like this at one time. We bought a little step stool and put it in the living room where we could see him and the TV but he couldn't see the TV even though he didn't watch TV he didn't like being left out of what we were doing. You have to start at home, it may sound mean but don't let him get away with anything.. I though time out was a waist of time but I started using it when he was about that age and at first it didn't work but after being on him all the time that he would act out, or climb on everything he would even climb to the top of our entertainment stand or throw his self back on the floor and hit his head, but his attitude changed and he stopped. At first I had to make him sit there and fight with him, he hated it..and I would make him sit there until he wasn't crying or having an attitude then the time would start I would only make him sit there like a minute or two.. but every time he did something that I had told him not to do, I would tell him to go sit on the stool. I was not a believer of time out with my girls but it worked for my little boy.. I hope this helps..

Two things have helped us greatly....

1. DVD "Happiest Toddler on the Block"
2. Love and Logic (wonderful stuff---there are classes, books, dvd, etc.)

Equip yourself with some tools and he will not keep you at home all the time....now is the time.

Whatever punishments you use at home. Use the same in public, the kids are smart enough to know that you are disciplining differently in a public setting and they will take advantage of that. Also be sure and reward for good behavior, nothing big sticker board or lollipop, sometimes just your words of praise are plenty of incentive.They really do want to please you. Take him out in public when he has been fed and well rested until he gets the hang up. They can also sense your frustration, so try not to show that in front of him. Hope this helps.
T

I like to call my little boy "strong-willed", and like Jeannette said you MUST practice, practice, practice obedience at home. The best way to keep our little ones from throwing these tantrums is to anticipate their needs; this is crucial. When I take my 2 toddler, strong-willed boys to the grocery I go with giving myself about 30-40 minutes, a prepared list of what I need, snacks, sippy cups, and one or two activities (draw-erase boards and/or Play-doh). I am on a mission to get in and out of there as quickly as possible and keep them entertained; anything past 40 minutes I know I can expect disaster, screams, etc.

If you want to go to restaurants it's the same thing. I bring several activities (Magic Colors, Crayons, Play-doh, puzzles, etc.) I call this my "bag of tricks." Usually, the Play-doh is their favorite and will keep them entertained for 30 minutes or so. Again, we don't stay at restaurants longer than an hour. If it's a wait we usually don't go.

Always keep in mind our toddlers have small attention spans, need to have different activities, healthy snacks, and are limited in their time to be places. If mine throw a tantrum in public (they rarely do now), I get down on their level, talk with a firm voice, and give a little squeeze to their hand, then immediately give them something to do/entertain them. If they get louder, scream, throw themselves on the floor after that, I usually leave. 99% it boils down to giving them something to do.

I believe "The Best Toddler on the Block" addressed anticipating our children's needs.

God bless you for wanting to do the right thing and teach your child obedience.

Warm regards,

A.

Hello JC,
Well I have two boys, one that is almost four and the other is 17 months old. If you want to take your children anywhere in the public you HAVE to be prepared to back up your threats of discipline. I would suggest taking him to the store with you not wanting to buy a thing. Use this time to teach you son that acting up in public is not going to work. I would first give him a warning to stop the behavior and then tell him that if he does not listen that you will be giving him a time out or whatever you do as a discipline) in the car or be taking him home for one and then back it up. We've done a many time outs in the mini van. :)Do this a couple of times and it should help you out. Also you should remain calm. When you react you show weakness you lose your creditably as anyone with any authority. As you probably already know the reason he is doing this is because he can.
Hang in there mommy,
C.