Hair Coloring Gone Terribly Wrong

First some background:

This last Saturday, I had an appointment to have a haircut, to get my roots covered and a deep conditioning. I am living in Japan. I have been going to the same hairdresser for many years. Prior to finding her, I had horrible experiences getting my hair cut here. My hair is way different than Japanese people's hair. I have a huge volume of hair. It is very curly, and the individual hairs are quite fine in texture. I am fair skinned, and my hair changes color drastically if I am in the sun for any amount of time. I burn without suncreen in about ten minutes. I usually tuck my hair up under a hat while outside or use a parasol, which are considered quite fashionable here in Japan. I would never be caught dead using one in the States though. I look like I am in my late 20s, early 30s except for the fact that I have pretty much had gray hair since I was in my early 20s. So having my hair colored is important to me! Call it vanity, but if I can get by looking ten years younger with my hair colored I most certainly will do so. I have never tried dyeing my hair on my own, because the smell of the solution just bothers me too much. I can sit and endure it, but if I had to move around and apply it myself I would probably pass out. Plus, getting dye would be difficult. There is a limitation on how much you can import on that type of thing. The home-dyes you can buy here all contain bleach if it is any color lighter than a dark brown. So going to a hairdresser is my best option for getting my hair colored. My hairdresser and I have become friends over the years. She did my hair for my wedding as her wedding gift to me. She and I have gone out many times for concerts, ballets, lunch etc. She is the one who always watched my cat for me when I was away. I really don't want to loose her friendship over this.

So on to what happened. I had made an appointment for March 30 originally back at the end of January, but I had to change it because my son's entrance ceremony for kindergarten was scheduled for that day. So, somehow my friend misunderstood that I wanted my hair styled this last weekend and that I was keeping my March 30 appointment. But when I told her that I wanted to have my roots touched up, she said it was no problem.

It started out like it always does. She asked how I wanted my hair cut. I trust her to do the styling, but I always tell her how long I want it to be and the amount of volume I want taken out. A year ago, I decided to try a darker shade. While I was in love with the actual shade, after a few months of that shade I felt it was way too dark for my skin tone and made me look a lot older than I wanted. So I asked her to go back to the lighter shades she had always done. It took me nearly half a year to get it back to the color I wanted. She didn't want to damage my hair. So last January, I was so very happy to have my hair the color I wanted. I told her that I wanted a honey brown with some red tones added. I love the red in my hair. When I was a kid, my hair was strawberry blonde, but if I stayed out of the sun it could get a darker auborn. So, I just felt more like me with the red tones in my hair.

I told her that I loved the color and wanted to keep the color the same as it currently was. She said that she understood. Then she told her assistant the color combination and started cutting my hair. I love the haircut she gave me this time. Her assistant washed my hair, and then the two of them started to apply the coloring. I looked at it and thought that it looked a little dark, but I trusted my friend.

Then as they were applying the dye, the assistant flipped a piece of my hair into my face by accident. It hit right around my eye. I jumped and my friend noticed. I told her that my hair had hit right under my eye and across my eyebrow. I have very sensitive skin and it started to burn. So I asked my friend if I could check my eye in the restroom. She was so worried and got me a towel. She asked if I thought I needed eye drops. Fortunately it missed my actual eye, but it did take about five minutes to wash my face and eye off before it stopped stinging. I went back to sit down. I told the assistant that I was fine and not to worry about it. I really like her. She is the best assistant at the shampoo bowl and giving the head spa. I knew she felt bad and that it had just been an accident.

Then my friend disappeared, and came back with another bowl of dye. This time it looked so red. She and her assistant started to apply the new dye to my hair. I waited. After I had my hair washed and the head spa, which I always have done because it is like a slice of heaven for only about $5, I went back to have it blowdried and styled. I commented that my hair looked a lot darker than when I walked in. The assistant said that it would look lighter after it was dry. I watched as the true color started to show. I was in shock. I almost started to cry! My hair was not anything close to the color it was when I walked in that morning. It wasn't even the same dark color she had done in the past. My hair was GRAY! All of my hair was GRAY! What woman wants to have her hair dyed gray? (Sorry, if there is someone out there who would do this, but seriously...) I looked at my friend and she said "How do you like the color? I thought I went a little light last time, so I tried to even it out this time." I told her that it was too dark. She said she could recolor it. She has done this in the past, while I was trying to get back to that lighter shade.

While my friend was mixing up the dye solution, a different assistant came over to me and commented sadly how my hair looked silver. Oh, how I had to keep swallowing not to cry, or worse yell. So I sat through another dyeing. It looked better, not completely gray looking. The shade is still way darker than I want, and it seems to still look gray when the light hits it. It has no red tones in it at all. It really makes me look washed out and sickly. I honestly didn't want to pay her for her work when it was finished, but I did because I don't know what consequence legally would have been here in Japan. It cost me about $130 to get the wrong color. I am so disappointed because I wanted to look nice for my son's kindgarten entrance ceremony, Easter, and my husband's birthday. She had my hair color right, before I went in last Saturday.

My husband told me that if it were him, he would go to a different hairdresser. I am nervous to do that! And I don't want this to cause a problem between me and my friend. Bless my sweet son's heart. He hugged me and told me, "Mommy, your hair color doesn't make you pretty. Love makes you pretty!" I just really want to have a better hair color for the entrance ceremony. I didn't have any appropriate clothing prior to a week ago to wear to this very important event. It is unbelievable how much is placed on entrance ceremonies for kindergarten in this country. One of those important milestones for Japanese people. Anyway, the suit I found is a light gray. I most certainly don't want my hair color coordinated to match. I am sure that I will be laughing about this sometime in the future, but right now I am feeling pretty crappy about my haircolor.

Okay, hairdresser mamas or other mamas who have gone through this, please help.

I would like to ask two questions on this topic.

1) Can my hair color be fixed somehow before this Saturday without causing damage? It seems like she did three different color solutions already on my hair. Given the type of hair I have, would it be damaged if I try to have it recolored so soon? If recoloring is a bad option, what else can I do to get a bit lighter shade or some red tones to cover the current color? Or should I just try to wear it all pulled up, so the color isn't as noticable?

2) How would you handle telling your hairdresser friend how you felt about a situation like this one if it happened to you? I don't want to upset my friend, but I want her to understand that I was really disappointed in the outcome. My hair looks healthy and shiny when she does it. I love how she cuts my hair. Prior to me asking for the darker shade last year there was no problem with the coloring. And she really tried to keep my hair healthy as we searched for the lighter color. I just feel like she wasn't listening when I told her that I loved the color she did last January and wanted to keep it. But then, I am wondering if the fact that we had to sort of stop in the middle of coloring the first time because my eye was hit with my hair had any play in the outcome of the color as well. How do I approach her? I thought about asking her to check my record for how she did my hair last January, but I am not sure she is keeping a record now. In the past I always saw her write down what she did for my hair. That was when she was working for other salons. Now she owns her own salon, and since she has bought this place I haven't seen her write things down in front of me. If she is keeping a record, that would help get the same color I had. However if she isn't keeping a record would you ask her to write down the color combination and keep it yourself. I am not like her other customers. My hair is completely different. Please give me suggestions on what to say to her.