I noticed your question because I recently went through this same dilemma. With my 38th bday approaching I wanted to try something different. I haven't colored my hair since I was 26 and leaving it natural all these years has been good to it. I am also lucky that I don't have a lot of gray and I dread having to go the salon every 6 weeks and drop a fortune on color, so I want to put off a full-on color change until as late as possible. I'm very low maintenance in the hair care dept!
The good news i wanted to share is that I finally got my hair done on my bday a few days ago and both my husband and I love it! I'm also brunette but not too dark. my natural color tends toward ashy in the summer, but darker and mousy the rest of the year. I wanted highlights that did not look obvious, like "Hey I have highlights!" Where I live, everyone has them and I mean everyone. What I told the stylist was that I wanted the color to look natural, not too much contrast, be able to grow out without looking stupid if I should decide to do so. As for the color I said something between between blonde, orange and beige, like a honey tone. She said there was one she could use called carmel... perfect!
To my surprise, it really came out just the way I wanted it and the shade is similar to a carmel color. It really warms up my hair and makes it look richer, but still looks natural and could easily pass as my own hair. That would be my suggestion for you ... I have fair skin too and especially in the winter we need something to warm up our skin. If you go too blond with the highlights, like you said it can make us look more pale. Post a picture when you get it done! Good luck ....