Gruff Coach Ruining Team Practice

Get her out of this class. The techniques this coach is using will destroy her. Public humiliation is not a teaching tool.

Lord. Parents back off. If you put a child in a competitive sport, dance team, skill--expect a demanding coach. It comes with the territory. Some parents actually want a tough coach.

If you want them to just have an after school event--go to YMCA.

I also think it's time for all of you to get together and talk to not only the coaches, but the rec center and possibly the league if the rec center backs their choice of coach over the children. Public humiliation is bad enough, but this is also a very fragile age group. Do not let these people's nepotism make your child feel unworthy. If the new coach cannot think of any better way to "toughen" or encourage these kids as they train, then it's time for the kids to find another coach. I'd be very blunt about it. If this coach is new, she also needs to learn when people think SHE is not doing a good job.

I would also look for another gym for my child if she overall likes gymnastics and does well, but doesn't work well with this new coach. You pay them, right? Then if they won't listen to your words, maybe they will listen to your wallet. If you fear retaliation, then speak up anyway and move your child and encourage the other parents who were not listened to to do the same. This behavior is appalling. Sensitive or not, your child doesn't deserve it. She's proven she can do the work and do well, without someone calling her names or making an example of her weaknesses.

You mention that complaints have been brought to the head coach, but have you talked the head coach? If not I suggest that you do so, and be very specific. Don't criticize the other coach in general and keep it very specifically about your daughter and ask him to help: We have a problem. Daughter doesn't fit with the new coach's teaching style. If we have to stay with this coach, I think she is going to quit. What can we do to fix this?

Maybe the head coach will find a way to switch the days back, or something else. If your daughter is good and won the state last year, I'm sure the head coach doesn't want to lose her from his program. Hopefully she/he will find a way to put your daughter back with a coach she enjoys.

ETA: you are hesitant to complain because there might be retaliation? If so, your daughter will likely quit. But if you don't complain, your daughter will likely quit anyway. It sounds to me like you have nothing to lose.

This is not a "demanding coach." These comments are not "a part of sports" that your child must learn to tolerate. I'm livid when parents say that this kind of behavior is acceptable as an inevitable part of a competitive sport.

Your child should not just suck this up and you do not have to step back just because your child is in a competitive sport. This is also not a "gruff" coach. She's setting kids up to hate the very sport they have liked up until she came along. Competitive sports do not mean the coach is entitled to insult kids, give them body image issues, and humiliate them. Unless your child is in some Olympic-track intensive program where she's doing gymnastics every single day with an eye on leaving home to train for national level competition -- good grief, even then, why tolerate verbal diarrhea from a coach?

So the coach does this to other kids, not just your child, do I have that right?

Is this gymnastics program part of some larger organization? In other words -- is there someone over this coach's head to whom you can turn? It seems key, to me, that she is "right out of college." How much experience does she have working with kids this age? Does she have any training specifically on how to work with children, or has her experience maybe been all as a college gymnast herself? It sounds as if she has no idea that you don't belittle and humiliate kids.

I would go over her head if there's someone there. I would not just catch someone on the fly but would ask for time to speak in private to whoever is over this coach. Say that you have extensively observed practices (not just heard one comment, once) and believe this coach is a poor fit for this age group. Give specific examples and say that compared with the previous coach, this one clearly shows her lack of any experience with this age group. Ask what the organization plans to do about it --and when. The longer the kids go on with these kinds of comments (which are actually insults and mocking, not constructive criticism) the worse this will be. This woman is modeling mockery for children, frankly.

Tell the organization that either she needs to be told to stop this kind of coaching or put with an age group she is better able to handle.

If your daughter is this upset, surely other kids are too. Do you know other parents well enough to contact them; see if they too feel this coach is out of line; and ask them to go with you to see the organization? A united front of several parents is FAR more effective than one parent going alone; if you go alone, the boss can just write you off as a helicopter parent who's overreacting, but if several parents go together, a group isn't dismissed as easily.

I would do all this as quickly as possible, starting today. This is the kind of talk that can make kids feel horrible about their bodies -- sumo wrestler comments to girls? Seriously? Do you want your girl absorbing that kind of thing and wondering if she's overweight and all the junk that comes with that kind of body image talk, especially from someone with as much power over a child's mind as a coach?

Meanwhile have a backup: Also start seeking a new gymnastics program. If this one won't get rid of this coach or move your child or force the coach to speak and act appropriately, you need to take your child and walk.

Hey Mama, I would encourage your daughter to see this as a challenge and all part of sports: there will be reasonable coaches and unreasonable coaches. Let her know that she has "got this" and can handle it. Talk with her about ways to reassure herself when the coach says something that she feels tempted to get upset about and let her know she has a choice in how she experiences it. I would work on helping her develop thoughts and reactions that make her feel empowered.

Wanting to push the kids is one thing.
Demeaning the kids, name calling, etc is just bullying.
What exactly would happen if your daughter just said 'No' to what ever humiliation this new coach sets upon her?
What if your daughter told her
"If I need to do something differently, then tell me but do not ridicule me - because that isn't coaching"?
Yeah it takes a lot of guts for a kid to stand up to an adult authority figure but this new coach needs standing up to.

Demanding is one thing, demeaning is another. This coach is coaching through intimidation and humiliation. Not a positive way to coach kids.

I think the age of your daughter is important. How old is she?

Have you discussed this with the head coach?

I would approach it as a concerned parent. I would mention how well my daughter had been doing and how much she enjoyed the sport. I would then say that I certainly understood a coach being demanding and who wanted the best out of their students but that there is a thin line between demanding and demeaning and that this coach has crossed the line.

I would also relay that my daughter was thinking about quitting due to the demeaning manner of the coach. I would also tell the coach that before I would let that happen, I would talk with them and if I needed I would secure a new coaching team for my daughter.

Lets face it, in the end, you are paying money. They want your money.

Hi Tally, my daughter retired at 12, a level 8, due largely to injuries. She competed for 5 different gyms. We weren't really Gym Jumpers, but we did leave one gym due to a crappy coach.

Gymnastics is optional, it's not like school. You're a paying customer. If you don't like it, you go somewhere else.

Talk to her at length about it. Discuss her options, she's not 3 and gymnastics is not a required part of life, she needs to looooove it.

And btw, being "very sensitive" is not a common asset of a high level gymnast. It's a brutal, ball crushing sport. Good news is, retired gymnasts generally excel like crazy at other subsequent sports, cheerleading, diving, etc. And in life in general. After that, everything is easy.

And "quitting" now does not mean in 6 months or a year she can't join a Y or high school team, which is more relaxed and not as intense as an elite private gym.

Good luck!

:)

Gymnastics is a brutal sport. My daughter was part of an elite team for a few years. She loved it but when the coaching at our gym got to be too intense for her we switched to a "lower key" gym (per her request.)
She liked it better but of course the team hardly ever won which was discouraging as well, so she ended up quitting altogether.
If your daughter is sensitive then she should just do gymnastics for fun, skip the whole team thing, she's never going to enjoy that level of competition.

What is it with college age coaches? Not all, but some of them are obnoxious! Last soccer season we had one that screamed at the top of her lungs throughout the games! Well, no one complained until it was time to pay for another season (the kids I coached used to come off the field thanking their lucky stars that wasn't their coach).
If several parents complain and nothing is done let the head coach know that your daughter is going to be moving to a competitors gym\quitting due to the demoralizing treatment. Loss of revenue/operating costs may influence change.

You mentioned that complaints about this new coach have been brought to the head coach, but nothing seems to change. Perhaps now is the time to band some of the parents (or all of the parents) together and visit the head coach and present some concrete examples (with documents- time, date, circumstances) of your issues with the new coach. You have the power of the "purse" since I am sure that you are paying a lot of money for gymnastics classes and training. You could ask the head coach what he/she has done about the complaints that were previously made. Is the new coach receiving some "coaching" or critiquing on her coaching style? You can also do some research on some other gymnastic facilities and coaches in case this is not resolved. In order to be a professional athlete, you need to be dedicated, focused and tough (both mentally and physically). Is it possible that the new coach is just trying to toughen the girls up to face the challenges that will lie ahead. Good luck!

Tough balance. It is very important for your daughter to grow the strength to shake off firm treatment and not take it personally, be resilient, etc. Some of the best coaches are very tough. My kid's Tai Kwon Do coach was very tough. He'd sometimes yell angrily at the kids and make them serve out there "punishments" (push ups, whatever), while other looked on. And the kids loved him and rose to the challenge. I've had some tough coaches and teachers in my day way before people were as careful about how to treat kids as they are now. My gymnastics coach was SUPER MEAN by today's standards.

But it's not appropriate to use personal insults and sort of make fun of people like it sounds like this girl is doing. And it's one thing to command sit-ups in front of everyone, but another to actually stop everyone and make them watch in a belittling way to the person doing them.

Could you zero on on specific aspects of her behavior that need to be addressed with her directly or with her employers rather than saying she's too tough and mean in general? Sort of a positive approach at first before quitting? Like, point out the good in her performances as a NEW (be sure you mention she is NEW) coach, and some traits you admire, including her toughness. But then ask if she could curb the petty, mean stuff like name calling and making fun of girls (use specific examples so she can't deny doing it). And then say sweetly, "Because everyone agrees that is not professional or effective. You really like her and don't want your daughter to quit, but if she could be mindful of that it would be great..." or something? To her or to her boss maybe? Sorry this is happening :(.

A truly professional coach would not speak to the athletes like this,

Times have changed and if she is not training to be an Olympic competitor, no one should be speaking to her like this.

Speak with whoever is in charge of this Gym/program.

There are ways to motivate and this is not one of them. He is young, he is a man and he has no idea how his words can really have a negative effect on these girls.

I would speak with her boss. It sounds like that is the head coach, but it could be his/her boss. Being demeaning is NOT being a good coach. Putting kids down is not helping them work to reach their potential. And really - it is way more important that your daughter learn how to treat people (clearly not from this coach) than anything else she gets out of this. Being a gymnast is a sport for kids and teens. It is NOT a life time career.

you need to go to the practices n record everything-then bring to higher up above this bully..i wouldve been all up in her face..thats just being a plain bully-put a stop to it before anymore damage is done.NO ONE-AND I MEAN NO ONE WOULD GET AWAY WITH TREATING MY KIDS LIKE THAT!!!

You don't mention how old your daughter is but you do mention that your daugther is sensitive perhaps this situation is a great way for her to begin to develop a thicker skin.

Being an authority or coach doesn't give one the right to demean another or to bully those in your care. Being right out of college also isn't an excuse. The way she is talking to the team shouldn't be tolerated not by the parents or by the students.

Keep open communication with you daughter about what is going on. Perhaps if you could sit in on these sessions and record them then you would have viable evidence of what is happening. Sometimes when children are sensitive their perceptions of the world around them is much different than the reality.

There is a way to teach and discipline with demeaning. It is time for this coach to learn to be a better coach and time for your daughter to learn how to speak up for herself or you get to show them how you feel by moving your dollars elsewhere but change definitely needs to happen sooner than later. Ask you daughter what she wants and then move forward being prepared to move from this program to another or out of the sport all together if it comes to that because this kid of talk being permitted can change and alter your daughter's character negatively.

Keep advocating for your child,if nothing changes there are other options as far as where she can enjoy her sport.

Keep her in the loop as to what you are doing this will also help her to advocate for herself as she matures.

Best wishes!