Grief

Updated on April 10, 2008
K.B. asks from Meadview, AZ
8 answers

I lost my 22 year old daughter to a tragic accident 2 and a half years ago. She was the 4th of 5 kids. I still cry every time I think about her. I miss her so much and my family feels like a car with a flat tire that just can't be fixed. I constantly feel like I am forgetting something and then I realize that I miss her, her calls, and her life in general.

What can I do next?

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J.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

I'm truly sorry for your loss K.. The best advice I can offer to you is that be honest with God about how you feel. If your angry then tell him, if your confused then tell him and ask him to comfort you during this time of sorrow. Ask him to shows the way to move forward. Remember the good times you had with her; scrapbook old and new family photos and place them in frames around the house so all of you can remember the times you had with her and how much you all loved her. Yes, it is hard losing someone especially a child. Let your tears be turned into joy. If there is regret or maybe some unresolved issue then just confess it to the Lord; He will help you. Just know that one day you will meet up with her again in the presence of our heavenly father. May God the father grant you peace and comfort.

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L.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

sorry for your loss K.. you can try and google to locate a local chapter of THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS. it is a support group geared towards parents who have lost their children (as well as the grandparents & siblings of that child). i attend the los angeles chapter with my mom & brother because we lost my oldest brother in 2005. it has been extremely helpful.

if you have any problems locating a chapter in your area, private message me.

rah

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J.C.

answers from San Diego on

My best friend lost her daughter at birth and she joined a group called HeartFelt. Google them and see if there is a local chapter for you.

It takes time. My mom diedwhen she was only 28 and it's very hard for my granny to this day. It's been 25 years.
your family will never forget, but what I can say is that it will get easier. Just always remember that she will always be a part of your family.

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T.A.

answers from San Diego on

K.,

I cannot even imagine how you must feel however, I experience anxiety and depression daily especially now due to post pardum depression therefore, the only advice I can offer to you to help you cope with the loss of your daughter is to find a grief therapist who can help you through this time. I am a strong believer in talk therapy especially when a loss of a loved one is involved.

I wish you well soon and I hope my advice helps in some small way.

T.

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J.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi K.:

I pray that God would give you the strength and comfort to get through this season of your life. May He touch your heart, mind and soul. I pray for a release of joy, peace and comfort in your home and your family. I ask these things in the precious name of Jesus. Amen.

Blessings,
Jeannie

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G.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

K.--it's been two years since I lost my baby brother, my first "child." My mother had six very close together, and "gave" him to me (she did it jokingly but I took it seriously, bonding as if he were my own). I have three of my own now, but the comparison between my real children and my brother only serves to prove to me that he was "mine."

I can't take his phone number off my cell phone, I can't take his name off my "skype" list. I cry often still and it's been two years.

There have been some good things. I've developed a relationship with my only sister that I never had before, and that's a gift. But I'm a writer and tend to research my feelings to figure them out, and all the psychology literature says to look for ways you can grow from the experience. Hear me out. :) It's hard to think that way. But resilience studies constantly reinforce that if you're going to come back, you need to think of something that his loss contributed to the world. Maybe it made you more empathic so you can identify with other people who have lost their children. Maybe it made you connect with other people in your family that your daughter naturally overshadowed with her wonderful personality. Maybe one of a hundred other things, only you will know.

One thing that helped me was making a memorial page for my brother on "Facebook." I invited several of his friends to hook up as "friends" on his page, and gradually others have joined. I invited them to add photos of his life and post special memories of him on his wall. His friends sent me so many photos and so many anecdotes that I began to see what a wonderful life he had and how many people he'd touched--that has helped me more than about anything.

Sorry this is so long! I feel for you though, wish I could help. Thinking of you and wish you all the best.

G.

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S.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I am so sorry, K.! I haven't lost a child, but did lose my sister to cancer when she was only 26 yrs. old (22 yrs. ago). I wish that I could say something that would comfort you, as I know how hard this is for you. My parents still miss her, but time has been able to ease the pain a bit. You will ALWAYS miss her, as she was a part of you! Have you been through any grief counseling? If you attend church, I suggest you talk to your Pastor. I know that many churches also have support groups for grieving parents & they are wonderful! Talking about her, sharing memories, looking at pics., etc. will all help you get through this time. God loves you & understands "first hand" how difficult this is! Reach out to him & let him strengthen, comfort & bring you through this time. One thing is for sure . . . . . . . He will use you in the future to helps someone else. I know this, because He has done this with me! I will be praying for you!

S.

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J.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

you lost a big part of your life. i know people say give it time and the feeling will pass. but thats not the case because its soo easy to do that with grandparents who have lived a full life. i think your still trying to accept that shes not here. maybe try a support group to express your feelings more. your a strong woman... i know if i lost my daughter (whos 1) i dont think i would aver be able to get out of bed. my marriage would fail. id loose everything. just keep your head up and try to remember the good times you had with her and dont ever think your forgetting her im sure shes always with you!

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