H.K.
Ouch...this situation hits a nerve with me. I had a similar problem and thankfully found a solution.
My husbands family lives out of state and have never been interested in our children (3 boys, 1 girl). They weren't very good parents and that didn't change when they became grandparents.
My parents are in town but will only see the children if I suggest it or hand deliver them to them for an hour or so (they claim they are not "kid-friendly people") they weren't as parents and again I'd hoped that would change when they had grandchildren. It didn't.
I struggled for years. Finally it just became a joke with my kids that they "got short changed in the grandparent department" but then we talk about how wonderful it will be when we are grandparents to their children.
In the meantime we started spending our holidays with good friends (and their extended "very kid friendly" family). We also invited an elderly gentleman from our parish to spend holidays with us and that has turned into a very nice relationship.
I suggest you simply look for grandparents elsewhere. Surely a couple at your church...the parents of friends...heck you could even advertise at the adult and senior centers! So many people live so far from their own children that they might be longing for subsitute grandchildren. Of course you would excercise appropriate caution when introducing new peole into your family...
I guess just keep in mind that we all have to deal with the quirks of our natural family but friends become our chosen family!
It is either find someone willing to give you what you want for your children or just accept the little that your parents can offer as all they are capable of. Don't drive yourself crazy, like I did, wanting to make them different. This is who they are, these are their limitations and they don't feel very connected, end of discussion.
The bonus to my story? After seeing several elderly people truly enjoy my children at various functions...my parents got the idea that they might be being replaced and stepped up to the plate a bit more. They even attend the occasional soccer game and I make sure my children make their presense appreciated.
Good luck!