Hi Moms,
I am one of 4 sisters and we each have children. My sisters are all single and only have one child but my husband and I have been married for 8 yrs and have 3 kids together. Well, the problem my sisters and I have is that our father does NOT care for our kids whatsoever!! He makes RUDE remarks about my sisters being single with kids, he even tried to encourage me to abort my 3rd child and can't seem to stand being around our kids when we get together for something. I can meet him for dinner and he can sit there the entire dinner w/out acknowledging my kids!! He seems to be one of those people that kids just irritate him and I feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable around him for that very reason. NOW, my father had a girlfriend in his life for about 2 yrs that had a 2 yr old and you would think she was his own child. He seemed to worship this little girl which made me and my sisters very upset that he could spoil this ladys child and not even give our kids a hug when he sees them. I don't know how to handle being around my dad anymore.......my husband and I are even considering having a 4th and final child and I would be scared to death to ever tell my dad I was pregnant again! My Dad is the ONLY person in our family that treats the grandkids this way......all of my husbands family and my mothers family are very loving to the kids.
My mom and dad are divorced so we don't see him much but when we do it's very awkward!
Does anyone have any advice on how to accept my dad being this way? I don't think he'll ever change how he feels and it really bothers me because I want him to be proud of his grandkids and I don't see that ever happening....... : (
Hey mamas,
Just wanted to thank all who have responded......and to answer a few questions......YES my father has always been this way, even to me and my sisters growing up he was never a loving father. I have a ton of respect for my father but he seems to be a very judgemental person. He lived a very poor life growing up and struggled a lot and is now a wealthy lawyer and owns his own business but seems to look down on anyone in our family that may struggle or make mistakes. He seems to think in his mind that my children are "mistakes", that they keep me from doing what I'm meant to do in life, and that I will always struggle in life from having them. YES, I may have had my children young BUT I take damn good care of them, they have a good home, LOTS of love and are healthy good kids. I've tried to set a good example for my kids and try to only make good decisions in their life yet my dad still doesn't see the posotive out of having my children.
I pretty much only see my dad on holidays or a rare occasion where we go eat together. He seems to think he is perfect and everyone is beneath him.........again, I do love my dad very much but I know he's a very stubborn person. Thanks again to all who responded, I really appreciate the posotive words!
Wow, I'm constantly surprised at how grandparents can be toward their grandchildren. I would talk to him about it. If he blows you off, then I just wouldn't be around him anymore. No reason to have all that toxicity around your kids.
I completely feel for you, My father In law is the same way. Cares nothing for his own Grandchildren but loves his girlfriends. It's really sad that he is missing out and one day he'll realize it when he is unable to get out of the house. He'll be a really lonely man, because he didn't but the time in for the kids, they won't put time in for him as they get older. My kids are not the ones who are missing out, because they have some much extended family that love them (hopefully yours do to). One day your Dad will realize how wrong he has been.
V.,
Don't let him steal your joy. You cannot control how someone else feels. I do think you should talk with your dad, tell him how his actions make you feel. But don't go into it as though what you say is really going to change him. I'm sure you've tried talking to him for years.
The best thing you can do is pray for your dad, that God will change his heart.
You may have to stay away from your dad if he's sending these signals out. It's not fair to your children, they should always know how they are a blessing. One of my childhood girlfriend would tell me these stories how her father's mother (she hardly would call her grandma) would be so mean to her brother. She would give him broken toys, and my friend and her sister new ones. Then her grandmother would yell at her brother for breaking it, when it was already broken. Her parents talked to his mother, and then decided it was in the best interest of the kids not to go around her, so they didn't.
I will pray with you that your dad's heart will be changed and he'll love his grandkids. He is the only one that is missing out.
God Bless you!
The number of children you and your husband have is a personal decision that you and your husband alone can make. If you decide to have a fourth child, your father does not need to be told about the decision or even the pregnancy until it becomes obvious.
As for now, you might try scheduling some time alone with just you and him. Meet him for dinner on the weekend when your husband can watch the kids. Don't make a big deal about not bringing the kids, just come by yourself. Maybe he will miss them, or maybe he can't form a relationship with them until they are older. You can't force him to bond with your kids, so just focus on maintaining your own relationship with him.
The best advise I can give you is to talk to your dad about the way he makes you and your sisters feel. The key to any relationship is communication. If you talk about it he may see the error in his actions.
I hate to be blunt, but I have to ask - is his behavior a surprise or has he always been a bit of a jerk? Has his behavior changed drastically recently, or was he like this when you were growing up as well? If he's always been like this, then just don't have him in your life unless you have to. Be polite, and that's that. The kids don't need a grandparent like this. Some people are just toxic - period. I have very little relationship with my mother and would not leave my child with her because I don't trust her judgement. You're not alone. I know it's tough to let go of the dream, but sometimes you have to :( Good luck and take care.
