"Grandddaughters Birthdays and Siblings Gift"

Had to re-edit my response to Kim's response..Wow! Got my entertainment for the day....and the gloves are off!!
Play nice ladies, ha, ha!

For my original response.....Ditto Denise M.!!

Wow, DIL has some nerve. Not to mention the fact that she is teaching her children a sense of unreasonable entitlement.

I would do as YOU feel is right. When it's one girl's birthday, buy that child a gift and only that child. The other grand daughter will receive her gift on her birthday. As it should be. As it is for every child.
I wouldn't even address it, I would just buy the gifts as you see appropriate.

Since Christmas and both their birthdays fall within a short period of time, it shouldn't be a big deal. Bottom line, both girls will receive Christmas gifts and their birthday gifts within a 2 month period.
Any pouting should be short lived.
Daughter in law needs to get a clue. I would never ask my Mother in Law to do what is expected of you and I have 2 daughters.

WOW...I sympathized with you until I read your "About Me".

I think it's absolutely ridiculous that you would sit there and tell everyone born after 1970 - which is the majority of the women on here, I'm sure - that we need to wake up and get a reality check.

I believe that creating a life and delivering that baby into this world is a VERY special thing. Woman have every right to park a little closer when nearing the end (do you remember what it was like to waddle up to the grocery store while 8 months pregnant, carrying a toddler???) and to get off work for the constant doctor's visits and maternity leave.

And centuries ago, a woman giving birth was not drugged up in a hospital. Centuries ago woman gave birth naturally and the women surrounded them celebrated. Things ARE different now.

You sound like a bitter individual. Perhaps there is something at the root of why your DILs treat you as they do. Perhaps you should examine THAT.

I think her idea is ridiculous, but that is the least of your problems. You may not want to be "told" what to do but they aren't your children, so bite your tongue. Don't get the idea that you can change for the better her parenting style when you so seldom see them anyway. Buy what you want, wrap two gifts in birthday wrapping paper and mail them at the same time.

You sound like the mother in law from hell. Seriously, do you think the way to get a relationship with grandkids is to belittle their mother? "GUYS AND GIRLS, yes that is what you are...." Hell, someone born in 1970 is 39 years old!! Wow, what a way to engender yourself to this group and make your DIL defensive. You think she is a bad mother, so she wants nothing to do with you - can you blame her? There is a book titled The Mother-in-Law's Manual by Dr. Susan Lieberman. I suggest you read it. The Ten Recommended Rules are 1. Keep your mouth shut 2. Keep your mouth shut 3. Keep your mouth shut. You get the idea. My husband wouldn't even talk to his mother if I didn't make him and I often have to stand over his shoulder to make him have a conversation with her. She is very critical of everything, not just him and our kids, but of life in general (boy, does that sound like you!)

Sadly, B., there is no way to broach this issue with you DIL without causing problems. Perhaps, (if she will listen) you can explain to her that if she feels both of the girls should receice gifts on the other child's birthday, then your DIL should be the one to get the gift for the child who is not having the birthday. After all, she doesn't give them presents when everyone else (meaning parents, friends) gets something.

A child's birthday is her own special day and she should not have to share it with her sister. I'ed send one gift to the birthday girl and call her on her day. Ignore the DIL and if she says something (which she probably will) just explain that the general practice among most people is to honor the birthday girl only. If she disagrees, ask her to provide proof of her beliefs. She's just trying to milk you for all she can. Be sure to let your son know what you've done or she'll try to take it out on him.

It appears that you are very upset. It is your money--you control it. There is no way to make this any better. Even doing it the way she tells you--will not make this better. You feel strong and so does she. It is a battle--more than likely why your son is no longer married to her. Do not take his place. Your daughter-in-law needs to get REAL or the grandchildren, her and you will loose. Daughter-in-laws are tricky and can make your life hard since your son is not there anymore. I would buy what you feel right and talk with your grandchildren to explain their day will come and it uis not today.