Grandaughter Interrupting

I think you're expecting too much from a 3 year old. In a 3 yr olds' mind, their needs and wants are the most important thing to them and they have a hard time empathizing or having patience. I do think she should have to say excuse me and not interrupt but you can't expect her to entertain herself and be silent the entire time you have someone over. She should have manners but don't expect her to act like an adult. Try redirecting her when she acts out and wants you to play or give her a quiet activity like puzzles or books when you have someone over.

Have a basket of special toys or activity sheets that you bring out for your granddaughter, when your friend(s) come over. By this being the only time these toys come out, it will be special to her and should help her feel less like she is being left out. You can also reserve a special drawer with little treats (kind of like the treasure chest at the Dentist's Office) - if she's good and doesn't interrupt, then she gets to pick a treat.

When I was a foster parent, this was a big problem. We came up with a code. I taught the kids that if they needed me and I was busy (on the phone, talking to someone, etc.) the child need not say my name at all, instead come and place their hand in mine. I would give the hand a little squeeze to say "got it, I will be with you in a moment" and we would continue holding hands. Then, at the next break in the coversation I would say, "Excuse me, Johnny needs me for a moment" and bend down and talk with the child. We would practice it through role-play at home, at the grocery store, etc. If the child yelled from the other room, I did not reply... unless, of course, it was that blood curdling someone's hurt yell. I just played deaf. They have to learn to be polite. I do not reinforce behaviors I don't want repeated. This means if you pitch a fit you WON'T get what you want. If you demand you WON'T get my attention. When you are polite, THEN you get what you want. There are some excellent "grandparenting" books out there.... By the way... no calling the child either. If you want her attention and she's busy, you have to go to her and use the code too....

Check out the Love and Logic, Magic for Early Childhood Book written by Jim & Charles Fay.

Love and Logic is a philosophy founded by Jim Fay and Foster W. Cline, M.D., and is based on the experience of a combined total of over 75 years working with and raising kids. It provides simple and practical techniques to help teachers and parents (AND GRANDPARENTS!) have less stress and more fun while raising responsible kids. Love and Logic offers many useful techniques that teachers and parents (AND GRANDPARENTS!)can begin experimenting with immediately. Here are some examples:

*Locking–in sadness or empathy before delivering consequences
*Setting limits with enforceable statements
*Sharing control through lots of small choices
*Building relationships with the One Sentence Intervention
*Neutralizing arguing with the Brain Dead technique
*The Anticipatory Consequence

Love and Logic is easy to use, raises responsible kids, and changes lives.

I am so glad that my mother told me about Love & Logic! I did not listen in the beginning, but now we use it! I bought this book and the Parenting With Love And Logic, Teaching Children Responsibility by Foster CLine M.D. & Jim Fay. It has made a world of difference in our home and parenting is FUN! I understand what you mean about going to a friends house and the chaos that the child can cause. I have so many people ask what I do with my children to make them behave. I laugh and tell them you can't make a child behave and then explain the Love & Logic philosphy.

Their website is www.loveandlogic.com and you can check it out yourself. Even if your granddaughters parents don't use it, you can still enforce it when she is at your house, EVEN when mom & dad are there. She is more than old enough to comprehend this and it won't cause confusion. It may open her parents eyes to how she behaves at home and grandma's home and ask what the difference is.

Love makes all the difference in a childs life. Too many people get so upset with the child over a choice the child has made, forgetting that wrong choices are a part of life, regardless of our age, and a necessary part of life. Helping them learn from the wrong choice so they always want to think about a choice at hand is a parents tool to producing happy, healthy, responsible adults.

Check it out~ what have you got to lose!!

You can try to teach her manners, but unfortunately if they are not enforced in her own home by her own parents (BOTH parents), then they'll never take. I witnessed this with a friend's child...everyone but her parents tried to teach her the same exact thing and it was all in naught. Luckily, I have a husband who requires the same respect I do from our son. It makes it so much easier. Good luck!!

Oh the joy of the 3 year old! If I were you, I'd get a box and I would put very special toys in it that can only be played with when Grandma is busy with another grown up. Take it out before the visit begins and explain that she can play with these while you are busy with other things and that you will play with her for awhile once you are free. My 3 year old loves play-doh, and, while it can be messy it keeps her occupied for a long time. Or you can try Color Wonder products from Crayola - no mess coloring with markers!

She's just looking for attention from you, as I am sure you know, and she just needs to know she's important to you and isn't getting banished for more important things. Maybe she could be in the room with you, as long as she is quiet and play with her special toys. Good luck!

There should be a set punishment for interrupting or asking you to play with her more than once. It could be there will be 30 minutes after she asks the 2nd time before you will play with her. If she has interrupted adult conversation it will be 30 minutes before whatever she is asking for is granted. A 3rd interrupt could result in an hour. Be consistent and do not give in. How this would work, if you are doing dishes and she asks you to play, you tell her when you have finished the dishes you will play with her. If she asks again, while you are still doing dishes, you tell her it will now be 30 minutes after you have finished the dishes before you will play with her. If you do this everytime she will quickly learn to only ask once and to not interrupt adult conversations.

I would just tell her that "excuse me"s are necessary for attention when you're already in a conversation. Then, just follow through by ignoring the calls until you here an "excuse me". Really, it's just training...

Maybe you can ask guest to come during nap time! or get the grand baby busy with something to do and play a game when no one is there. A child of that age should not have to be entertained 24/7 Mom needs to know the little precious one came to live in the world instead of the world coming to live with her! It will still be here when she is gone. People turn against the adults not the child when the child is spoiled so they aren't doing the child a favor to let this behavior live in their house!

My kids are 5 and 6 and I know what you mean. Until pretty recently, they seemed to think any adult visiting the house came expressly to entertain or be entertained by them. In many cases, this was true, but not always! I never found the solution... just try to explain that you're having adult time. Maybe set her up with a quiet activity, like coloring or something she can do independently. Hang in there, in the past year or so my kids have finally gotten to the point where they would rather play on their own than hang all over Grandma and Grandpa (I think they were a little saddened by that!).

I also have a 3-year old and we are in our late 40s so she could be my grandchild but she isn't. I know what you mean, it's drives you crazy. The only thing that works for us, besides putting her in time-out, is to have another kid over to play at the same time. You might want to ask your friend's kid over. I have also used the tried-and-true bribery system: if she doesn't interrupt for a specific time then she gets a cookie. I know, I know, it sounds bad but sometimes whatever works is whatever works until they are older. You need your peace, too. My child loves to paint with those watercolor paints now, so try that one. This seems to take up all her focus and she doesn't interrupt so much. Another thing we have learned is that when guests come over that they might be encouraged to spend a little time with her talking so she doesn't just automatically get manipulative when she sees that she will not have all your attention all the time. Good luck!
-C.

Hi J.,

I really understand how special being a grandmother is. I have a grandaughter who's almost 18 months old and am expecting another grandchild in Nov. I've been married to the same man for nearly 40 years and have 2 married children and of course our delightful granddaughter. I tease my husband that we both deserve a medal for putting up with each other all these years when some people we know are on their 2nd and 3rd marriages. But, you're right, it is worth hanging in there. I'm sorry I don't have advice yet about your 3 yr old granddaughter interrupting adult conversation since my little grandchild only speaks a few words and the rest is baby talk. I'm sure I'll be faced with the same problem soon, so when you find an answer, please let me know so I'll know how to handle it when the time comes!!

SOmething we do with our daughters (ages7,6,3, and 18 months) is that when we are talking to someone inperson or on the phone is have them place their hand on our arm when they want our attention. You also touch her hand so she knows that you know she is there. Then when I am ready to address her I tell the person, excuse me for a moment... and then address my daughter. This makes her feel like she has your attention at the appropriate time and she is not being rude. Try not to make her wait more than a min because their attention span is so short but creats respect on everyones part.

It is something that we practised with all the kids and it works wonders. We started it with each child when they were 2 so dont think she cant catch on because of her age. When other adults have seen this when we are out they are shocked that they wait. I think the key is that the girls know we will talk to them and address the issue they have. They may not get what they want but they are not ignored.

Best Wishes,
Kimberly

Sometimes it's hard to remember what being 3 means... because they are able to talk and express their needs to us, sometimes we forget that they are still "infants" in a lot of ways (like socially). I have a 3 year old son who does the same thing. I get frustrated a LOT about it, but the thing to remember is that they are only 3. I have found that when I give him a few minutes here and there of totally undivided attention and give in and play exactly what HE wants to play, he will give me time by myself more often. Try sitting down and playing with her for about 10 minutes just before company comes over. When your company arrives, explain you have some things to do, but when the people leave you will play with her again. Then play with her another 10 minutes or so, and you may find she will be ok with that.

My suggestion is to ignore the behavior. She is being reinforced by getting your attention when she calls your name over and over. I understand you want to make sure that she is not in harm's way. Therefore, my suggestion is to go see what she needs if she is in another room. If she wants you to just play tell her that she must bring a toy into the room that you are in. Even if she says your name 5 million times, do NOT respond. By ignoring the behavior (however annoying it will be at first) it will eventually go away. She will begin to learn that you will check on her first, but after you explain that you cannot play at that time she will stop asking. I've used this technique with other negative behaviors and it seems to work. :) Good luck!