Good Listening Techniques

Oh those fun days! My son is two years older than my daughter, so when he was 4, she was 2. Just keep doing what you're doing with your daughter, nothing will make her listen except for repetition and time. Your son needs time with you. Does your daughter nap more than your son? You could use some of that time for him. Focus on making him feel like a big boy. What can he do that she can't? Play candyland? Practice shapes or counting? You and him have big boy time whenever you can. In the evening, you and your hubby take turns with reading/playing with your daughter and the other doing special big boy things with your son. He has to see the benefits of being older so he won't see the benefits of being younger and want to act like a baby.

Your daughter is a baby. If you want her to not do something redirect her. Practice GOYBP (get off your butt parenting) She is not old enough to stop herself from doing something fun or interesting (or scary or dangerous) without help because she lacks internal boundaries (which are LEARNED behavior)

For your son, get down on the floor and play with him, engage in his play world, follow his lead and let him draw you into play time.

As for distracting him when you are on the phone. That is a learned behavior as well. For now you might need to just tell the person on the other end of the line "Excuse me for a moment, my son is interrupting" And then calmly tell your son that you will talk to him when you hang up the phone, but he needs to go to the other room. Or calmly walk him into the other room and tell him to stay put. It probably won't work right away, it will take him awhile to learn the new boundaries but it WILL work after awhile.

Hello P., Consistancy is important. Don't allow them to get away with something once in a while, it is confusing. If the police only gave us a speeding ticket every other time we got pulled over for speeding, we would do it more frequently. When my son was 4, I would ask him to repeat to me what I asked him to do so that he couldn't use the excuse of not hearing me. Good for you for downsizing to be able to stay home. As far as one on one time, set aside one day a week to spend doing something with only your son. Take him to a museum, zoo, or what ever intrests him. I did friday night pajama parties with my children when they were young. We would get in our PJ's, pop popcorn, watch movies, lay out sleeping bags and sleep in the living room. The kids always looked forward to this all week, and I could use it as a tool for disapline. They lost the privalege if they got into serious trouble during the week. Good luck.

Consistency! At that young age, the brain (frontal lobe) is not developed enough to understand the difference between dangerous and not dangerous. That is where parents come in and need to be consistent, regardless of the situation. If sheneeds to stop doing something, shen eeds to be mde to stop, whether she is doing something that is just bothersome, or soemthing that could lead to a danger. So back up and look at the behavior, and work on changing the behavior. If she doesn't listen, the first time, that is a warning. The second time, it is time out chair, or whatever your form of discipline is. As far as the wroking and can't be disturbed bit, I also had that problem as I work form home, and the only solution is to get a sitter, or do it at their naptime, or at a time when your husband can watch them. As soon as you can't give them your attention, they want it. You could try distraction, like a dvd, but you also have to respect their attention span, it may only be for 20 minutes at best, and that is the 20 minutes you have to work on the bills. Then you will have to find another 20 minutes later on. It isn't easy, but you can make the adjustments and get it all done if you reorganize your goals and objectives. You're on toddler time now!

Start now and your life will be easier and be CONSISTENT. I am in sales and often on the phone with three young children. My husband farms and so our house is a dual office. Before I would pick up the call I would tell them I would be on the phone. Just like I would tell them they had 2 minutes until we were leaving or picking up toys. Then set an expectation and stick to it. Don't say because it's Grandma, it's okay to bother Mom on the phone. At their age, they can't tell who you are on the phone with. Also if you have a business in your home, start teaching phone etiquette early. They will pick up the phone at some point and talk with customers or sales reps. We taught them to say we were not available and if asked more to say we were on the other phone. Until they could write we told them to always tell the people to call back at another time.

Also if people stop by your house, teach them to be polite, but respect the fact the strangers are in or near your house. In sales training they tell me to have "treats" for the kids. That scares me, when my kids (now much older) are home alone and a salesman chats with my preteens. Just something else to be aware of as your family grows. Since your business is out of your home, your kids are a part of it. It is a great opportunity for them to grow and learn, but be consistent and start early!

I can't help with the listening...but for the phone/computer time that you need for your home business, I saw something on Super Nanny that might help. The Mom on the show ran a cookie or cake business out of their home kitchen and she needed time for the kids to occupy their own time. So, they set up a physical boundary at first-maybe just tape on the floor-then the kids knew when Mom was in this area she was working. Just a thought.

P.,

I have 5 children and can I offer you a bit of advice based on my personal experience?

Consistency is the key to well behaved children, even at 20 months, even if she's not doing anything that can harm her, she needs to be in the mode of "if Mom tells me, I need to do it". What I am suggesting is that EVERY time she is doing something that is undesired (even though sometimes they are so cute you have to bite your lip to keep from laughing at them, so you can keep that stern look, so they know your serious!) Just simply redirect her attention elsewhere to divert her from what you want her to stop doing, it doesn't have to be a power struggle, just get her interested in something else, it doesn't take that long either, sometimes just going into another room, or picking them up and singing a song to them. By the time you put them back down they have forgotten what they were doing right before they were distracted.

As far as your son bothering you when your on the phone, what I do is keep a shoebox full of little toys that they can only have when I'm on the phone. Usually I pick up cheap things for a quarter or so at garage sales and will change the contents of the box after EVERY phone call (with the majority of the things being stored in a larger box somewhere else). You can keep reusing the same things, but if the contents are a little different every time, it keeps it exciting for them. Then just keep the box handy. When your on the phone and being bothered, just hand him the box and usually by the time they get bored with it, your phone business is done.

Good luck to you, and God Bless.

A 20 month old will rarely listen.. they are just not there developmentally.. at best they willlisten for a minute and then forget what you told them.. they just grow out of it.. when they are 3 they are much better able to follow directions..

Do you stay home all day with the kids.. To me that is the recipe for a bad day... we get out every morning and go somewhere.. maybe only a library story time but it fills up 2 hours of the morning and then the rest of the day is better for everyone..

time alone with 2.... not easy... my kids are 3 (12/2005) and 22 months 6/2007) they are on the same sleep schedule - except taht the younger one sleeps for maybe 30 minutes longer at naptime..and somedays sleeps in 30 minutes later in teh morning. sometimes I try to get the younger one down for a nap early to have time with the older one.. sometimes my husband will take one out for an errand.. but other than that the kid are together all the time.

I can let my older one paint but not the younger one.. so she rareely gets to paint.. that is one of the bad parts about having siblings... but they do get to play together so it all balances out..

I highly recommend "How to Talk so Your Kids Will Listen" by Faber and Mazlich. You can get it at your library. An oldie but a goodie!