Going Potty Has Caused an Attitude

Updated on March 30, 2010
T.O. asks from Dayton, OR
9 answers

We started potty training our 2 1/2 year old daughter about 3-4 weeks ago. She is doing relatively well at it. The problem now is that she has started acting out, talking back, being needy at times and just generally not herself. Oh and she will have potty "accidents" on purpose. I have no idea if this is related to the potty training or she is just being 2. It all just hit about the same time. Just wondering if anyone else has had this happen? I can't take much more back talk and sure getting tired of putting her in time out. Hoping this is just a phase....

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L.R.

answers from Portland on

My guess is that she's 2. She needs a good spanking (imho), but if you don't believe in spankings, then good luck! (That would be for the attitude, not the potty issues!)

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J.F.

answers from Portland on

I' not a fan of punishing potty training issues. If you make that an issue then it will probably make her resist more. I had a terrible time potty training my first child and she was highly emotional and acted out a lot during that time. We eventually found out that she had reflux of the ureter and had been having bladder infections. No wonder she was so moody and difficult! Unfortunately, our relationship suffered during that time because I chose to see it as a discipline issue, when what she really needed from me was more time to connect and cuddle and for me to be sympathetic. Not that this is your case necessarily, but consider that your daughter is going through a phase where things are changing and different and she may be feeling somewhat insecure--sounds like a lot of negative energy going on in your home might be causing the problem. Give her lots of praise and "mommy and me" time so she knows you love her. That doesn't mean that you aren't going to be firm if she is naughty, but make sure that you aren't acting like she is a disappointment to you all the time--try to look for positive things to say to her to keep balance. Also, if she's having consistent accidents, then just put her back in pullups until she's 3. I have found that age to be much easier to potty train because their comprehension is even higher and they "get it" much quicker.

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A.W.

answers from Seattle on

Sounds like a typical two year old. My daugther is the same age and the attitude has started to flow again. They say they go thru phases every 6 months becauss they are going thru the ebb and flow of learning. I think potty accidents are common, especially since you are only into this for 3 to 4 weeks. My daughter has been potty training for 2 1/2 to 3 months now and she still has an occassional accident. I remember about the 1 month mark, it seemed like we had more accidents than actual successes. At this early in the training, just say "uh-oh an accident" and take her to the potty. The less you react, the better. In another month, if it is still happening, which I bet it will have worked it's way gone, then you can address accidents a little more firmly. I have now made my daughter start helping clean up and believe me, the accidents are getting less and less. Going potty is a skill just like walking(remember how they had to stand up first, then hold on and walk, then letting go and then taking those baby steps).It takes time, even months. If you think about it that way, it helps relieve some of the stress involved.

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B.O.

answers from Portland on

At 2, toddlers go through a developmental phase called "autonomy vs. shame and doubt." It is perfectly normal for them to exert their independence. It is up to in your parenting approach to view them positively as being autonomous or punish them into low self esteem with shame and doubt.

At 2, I HIGHLY doubt she is having accidents on purpose. Her body and skill levels are still growing and should be respected. IT IS NOT APPROPRIATE OR HUMANE TO SPANK A CHILD FOR A NORMAL BODILY FUNCTION.

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J.W.

answers from Seattle on

It's being 2. And the potty accidents are her way of getting your attention because it's a red button issue for you. So, make it uncomfortable for her. Don't use pull-ups. Rayon panties, not training pants, but the fouf-fouf girly panties that are silky. When she wets she knows it NOW and they are uncomfortable when wet. Can she go to the bathroom by herself or does she need you to you the toilet? If she has to have your help, get her her own potty chair that sits on the floor so she can get there on her own. Pants should be elastic waisted, not buttons and zippers. You don't want anything standing in her road to success.

While you're at it, introduce you 16 mo. to the potty chair. She's a good age to start this, and they can be potty partners. My kids were potty trained by the time they were 18 months old. Routine and no obstacles.

Her accidents could be just that accidents. So, give her a chart with gold stars for every time she goes to the potty. Accentuate the positive, After so many gold stars, a treat of some sort. Keep it small, you don't want to break the bank. It could be a trip to the library, to a movie, to the zoo, or just a walk in the park.

Give yourself a time out before you respond. She may not be feeling well, we all have bad hair days. No dull moments, just bright, intriguing, interesting moments that leave us waiting and wanting the next ones!!!

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T.O.

answers from Eugene on

It sounds to me like she's just being a 2 year old. Our daughter will be 4 in July and her attitude is just now getting better. We tried everything...putting her in time out, taking toys away, taking privileges away (ie, having to sit on the floor for the rest of the day if she mistreated the furniture). The only thing that worked for us was only giving one warning, following through with discipline, and being consistent. Her attitude actually got worse for a while as she was testing us to see if we would give in at all. She has finally realized that we will follow through and it usually only takes a warning now. It has been extremely difficult at times, so I can empathize with your situation. Hang in there. It will get better.

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E.W.

answers from Seattle on

Probably just being two, but she might have focused her acting out in the potty department because she might sense that it particularly "gets" you. I would try to be as consistent in disciplining her and matter of fact about what is acceptable behavior and what's not. One of my kids had a hard time potty training and the other took to it pretty easily.

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A.M.

answers from Portland on

This was a really hard phase for me as well. But that's what it is. The only thing that worked was consistency so she understood cuase and effect. We also made sure and stressed to her WHY she was in time out so she knew. Good luck.

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