An oxymoron statement I know..but I have been relapsing with depression symptoms for almost a year. Been on the same meds a long time.
I know that's a long time to go but as I posted before I've been putting off seeing my doc because his rates are too high and he doesn't take insurance. (I'm unemployed.)
The thing is I am totally functional and do enjoy things but I do have to put on happy faces a lot. I don't feel it should be this much effort. I do all the right things: Exercise, eat healthy, get enough sleep, force myself out to be with people, etc. I know I'm affected by where I live--rural and isolated--but I can't change that right now. I also suffered from severe S.A.D. but thank goodness for daylight savings.
In sum, I guess I'm putting off seeing my doctor or finding a new one because I'm scared that a medication adjustment will make me feel better and I will kick myself for not going sooner. I'll feel like a lost ayear.
Does anyone else feel this way? Putting off something that might help because you wish you had done it sooner?
Silly I know.
I am so glad I posted this. Very supportive feedback here. I think I will ask if my current doctor works on a sliding scale. I do want to feel better because who wants to feel "partially" there in life, especially your child's!!!
Hi ES-
I just want to 'second' everything that sandy just said...
And tell her that it is a WONDERFUL analogy!
Please go...feel better.
Sending good thoughts!
Michele/cat
I think procrastination is a part of depression. And looking at the past rather than the future. Try to think of it as a physical pain, for weeks you hoped it would get better, the pain wasnt so unbearable, but it didnt get better, now you are embarrassed to maybe find out it's broken and you should have had it x-rayed immediatetly. There is no good reason not to deal with it now. It is depression that's stopping you. It needs to be treated. I hope you go.
Procrastinating, thinking you are not worth the money to fix, thinking that there are no better solutions than the one you have, blaming yourself for not doing it sooner, and my personal favorite kicking yourself in advance for the idea that you might feel better at some future time... Love that circular logic! That is ALL the depression talking. Only depression can make you feel bad about the possibility that you may have already screwed up in the future! LOL! If you really think about it you know how silly that is. Would you talk to any one you cared for that way? Of course not. Go see the doctor. Try a new med, get your life back. Good luck and you are worth it!
Oh, sweetie. What a tough place to be! You sound just like my mom & my sister (and maybe, I'm beginning to think, one of my daughters). Pelase remember this is your biology talking -- just one vey small part of you. It takes so much effort NOT to let that small part of your biological make-up determine your entire life -- and you are so much MORE than this small piece of you!
Sometimes, what helps my sister is to make herself accountable to someone else. If there's something she's been putting off, she tells me she's going to do it by a particular date; when she feels she's made a commitment to me, she feels a need to get the job done. Is there someone you can tell that you'll call your doctor by, say, Thursday afternoon? Would that give you the "push" to do it?
My sister finds exercise & St. John's Wort to be helpful.
You're in a tough place. Take hugs & strength from others here. Use our strength & support to lean on until you can find your own. You have it in there, mama. I know you do! Hang in there with us. Look up your doctor's number today & write it on a note. Tape the note on your phone. Leave it there until you call (by Thursday -- before lunch would be good ;) ).
Hug...
As moms, we will dash to the doctor for our children for all sorts of ailments and worries.. And yet, we will put off taking care of ourselves because we do not have the money or want to feel like we can get through it...
First of all your health... Physical and Mental is way more important in a child's life than almost anything else. You have to be your best to raise the best.
You need to show them that mom is taking care of herself, so that she can be around for them as long as possible and to be her best.
I suffer depression also, and when it is time to see the doctor, I have to force myself to go.. Money, time, and feeling like I can deal with it.. All part of the depression blocking what I really need to do.. Take care of myself as well as I take care of my family.
I have had migraines since 5th or 6th grade. I didn't see a doctor about them until I was in college. The medications they gave didn't help and I was afraid to take the big drugs - imitrex, relpax, etc. After finish a master program I got up the nerve to try the imitrex and, really, my life changed. Yeah, I kicked myself for not trying the imitrex sooner, it would have made grad school a lot more bearable, but I was soo glad. Now many years later I am taking a profilactic - agian kicking myself, why didn I do this sooner... Don't think about what could have been, think about from this point on.
Also - find a new doctor. 'Doesn't take insurance?!?' Also a thing i was resistant to doing, but again, am so glad I did. It is only scary for the first a little bit. Then when the unknown is over it isn't so scary anymore.
Good luck
Not silly at all. I totally get it. I think we wait to see if things improve and they do sometimes, if only temporarily. We seek help when we really can't stand how we feel anymore. Sounds like you are getting there.
Go see your doc because you never know what might be going on. It could be thyroid related? It could be something else? Maybe he/she can do some labs to rule out any other issues. Maybe it's as simple as getting your meds adjusted a bit?
It will resolve, but you're right, you need to get yourself to a place where you are asking for help.
There's no point in taking mediation that isn't working. Talk about wasting money! Have you considered going off the meds and see if maybe you've developed a tolerance and it may actually be contributing to your symptoms?
There's also no point beating yourself up. Shoulda, coulda, woulda... do something now before you end up feeling like you've wasted 18 months instead of just a year!!!
I get depressed for different reasons. I grew up in the country, so I'm literally at piece with nature. I could spend all day just walking around in the woods or sitting in a nice senic area and mediating. I get depressed when I can't seem to do anything right or I just don't like the way my life is. I don't bother with medication, because the side effects seem to be what you are trying to combat and I fear dependence on meds. You might want to try a psychologist first for alternatives to meds. If that doesn't work, then go back to your doc. You might want to take the free courses on "The Secret." That seems to help out a lot. I just take the info. that makes sense out of them. It gives you a different perspective on life. I'm not very social, but I think when you say you "force" yourself to go out with people...You might actually need a little "you time" instead. Try scheduling a little "you time" each day for 20 min. or a few hours on the week-end to do what you really like to do. (I know, when depressed you just don't enjoy what you used to; but the idea is to rediscover yourself and distract your mind.) You can even try something new. Find a book that is written in the first person or has a lot of action/cliff hangers to read... ("Flowers in the Attic," "Hunger Games," Phantom of the Opera," etc.) Dance to some peppy music...Go for a walk in the woods/on your property and actually observe things around you like shapes of the stones under your feet...wild berries and find out what they are...Take a bubble bath and soak rather than hurry through it...Do a craft...Fix up the house...etc.
