I love the book idea below - that's a great idea!
There is something about "no gift" parties that just doesn't sit well with me. I've always hated the idea and I can't say why exactly. I guess in some way, it seems a bit sanctimonious to me. And in my circle, the families who do this (one of my close friends in particular, who has never denied herself the chance to get gifts) will say something about not needing things and wanting to instill non-materialistic values in their children. Meanwhile, they live in a McMansion, drive luxury cars, have designer handbags, the little girls are wearing designer clothes and shoes, and the kids all have the latest gadgets. But somehow getting a new Polly Pocket or Transformer from another kid is going to be what makes them materialistic lol? Really?
I hate the "no gifts but please donate to a charity" idea even more. I don't care how great your kids are, if given a choice between getting some new presents or giving to some charity, little kids are going to choose gifts, so it's not to the birthday child's benefit or preference, and it always seems a bit showy to me ("look how wonderful we are"). Do your charitable giving privately, and not on the backs of your child and their party guests.
At the end of the day, it's the child's birthday! He or she should be able to look forward a few gifts from friends and the friends should be able to gift freely to the child. When my kids get a birthday party invite they start to think about what the child will like and it's fun for them to find a gift that the recipient will really enjoy.
I know that many of us who consider the "no gifts, please" party are motivated by the idea that our kids already have too much and that there is no need to have guests families spend money to come and celebrate. We truly may just want the kids to get together and have a good time, I get that. But birthday gifts have always been a part of children's parties - I think the book idea below takes care of the problem while keeping the spirit of gift-giving alive and avoiding the "how great are we" charity angle.