I don't exchange bday gifts with most of my family members, but they give bday gifts to my kids. Because of this, I usually buy something for the kids to give to the family member. But here is the thing, my brother's live in gfriend's bday is on Turkey day, so we will be celebrating it then. I totally forgot about her, so when I bought my brother his bday gift, I spent more than I would have if I had taken into consideration that I had to buy something for her. I also have to buy gifts for her children for xmas. I don't like this woman --she split up my brother's marriage and I now never get to see my brother.
I have a friend that refuses to take any gifts from the kids. This got me thinking: what do you do in situations like this? Just have the kids do home made presents, or do you buy stuff for them to give?
I don't think people are understanding my question: if you do not exchange gifts with a family member, but they buy stuff for your kids, do you buy gifts for your kids to give them?
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No, I don't. If an adult gives a gift to a child, I don't think the child needs to reciprocate by giving a gift to the adult.
Have them make her a nice card. If you feel weird showing up empty handed, buy her flowers or a plant. It's not necessary, but it's nice if you want to do something.
A small token. Heck, if you have a nice dollar store, sometimes they have very cute things there that don't look like they're a dollar (picture frames, vases, scented candles).
mini-ADD: I think it's sweet that you have your kids do it, but it's not necessary. But if it's something that you do for EVERYONE else, then not doing it for her may start something with your bro you won't want to deal with. If it's not a routine you do with everyone, you don't have to.
And I hate to say this, but your brother also split up his marriage. Unless you mean that you won't visit him if the woman is there, which is YOUR choice and is fine, then HE is responsible for you not seeing him because there is nothing stopping the two of you from getting together without the GF if you want to.
Maybe have the kids bake them something? It is hard to say No to baked goods! :)
I would probably buy a small token gift for her...perhaps a photo album or a small gift set from Bath and Body Works. Just a token to say that you did not forget. I get that you don't like this woman and I get why. However, I don't think specifically excluding her in the way to go....
My kids receive gifts from adults like aunts/uncles, grandparents, etc. They do not give gifts to adults in return. In a typical adult/child situation like that, there is no expectation of reciprocity. Just stop doing it.
Gift giving should not be an obligation. So just do what feels right.
my BIL lives about 45 minutes away and I only see him on Christmas (with his hand out for his gift!?!) He does not attend or respond to my kid's birthday parties or attend any other family functions. It pains me to have to do a gift for him for his Christmas. I don't know what the hell to get him. I don't know him. I asked about this years back here and I received lots of great suggestions on homemade gifts from my kids. Do you have a good picture of her kids? Can you lift one off of maybe her facebook page and slap it in a frame? Even a thrift store frame or one you don't care about. If it would be obvious you didn't have a gift for her I would probably do something but otherwise you could just not give a gift.
No.
Kids get presents. Adults do not.
My kids make presents for a few people who give them gifts, and we surely give gifts to all family members that ARE kids, but the parents we do not.
I think if you typically get a little gift for family members, then get a little gift for your brother's gf. If family gifts are made by the kids, then I don't think you need to have your kids make something for her -- she's not an aunt yet (not married to your brother), and she probably won't appreciate a homemade gift from kids. But I think some kind of small token that you buy would be nice.
You should be kind to her, regardless, because she is currently a part of your extended family. Your brother is choosing her, at the moment, and you shouldn't strain relations because you don't approve of her.
BTW -- what do you mean, she "split up" your brother's marriage? Did your brother have no say or culpability in breaking up his marriage? You need to put the blame for his failed marriage where it belongs: on your brother (and possibly his ex).
TJMaxx - soap or stationary aisle spend around 10 bucks to give her a nice token gift for her birthday. Have the kids make her a Birthday card.
A small gift would be the way to go, in my book. Can totally be homemade. My kids have made cookies or candies (chocolate covered walnut clusters are a big hit) for extended family. Others that have been well received: seasoned salts for cooking (get sea salt, cute small jars & add spices; shake to mix together), sugar facial scrubs (sugar, some oil, some fragrance), hand-made Christmas ornaments. Pintrest is a great source of easy, inexpensive but nice ideas.
Good luck -- and good for your for doing the right thing, even if you don't like this woman.
