Gift Suggestion in Invites????

Hi N.. My daughter went to a birthday party before christmas and the invitation read: bring a can of food to celebrate Samatha's birthday instead of toys please. It worked out great. They dropped the food off at the food pantry the next. Its a idea to think about. Good luck

Okay, call me crazy if you want but I've heard of people registering for their child's b-day & the holidays. The only time I have specified anything in an invitation was when my daughter did a Charity B-day party for St. Judes & we put down about making a donation in lieu of a gift. My daughter was the first granddaughter so i hear you about the gifts! Good Luck!

Hello N.-

I would write her clothing size in the invitation, that way people get the hint and also get her the right size. I have gotten many invitations in the past where the parents have done that and i did not see that as being rude.

I know how it is with a child having way too many toys and not needing anymore, yet I think it's unfair to my son for people to give him clothes as a gift b/c that's more of a gift to me since clothing him is my responsibility. But this year since I know my son seriously does not need another toy I am putting in the invitations that in light of the current economic crisis, instead of gifts please bring non-perishable food items to donate to the local food bank... this is to help my son learn the lesson of helping those less fortunate.

N.,

For my daughters 1st birthday, I did an invite "letter" from her 2.5 yr old brother. He "asked" everyone to come to his siter party. It was a huge hit! Have the invite be from your daughter, inviting all of her friends and family. She can say, "since Santa was just here for my 1st Christmas, I really don't need anymore toys. But, I would love to have a fabulous new spring/summer wardrobe, though. My favorite stores to shop with mommy are ??? I also love to visit (if you take her to Gymboree you can add that). Another suggestion for party favor, if you're doing any, are books & GC to local ice cream shop. Look on Scholastic Book Club. Even though they are sold throughout schools, you can purchase on their web. They have all age groups and as low as $1/book. I just did that in November w/ my now 8yr olds party. The kids loved it. The GC was for $1 for a kids cone/cup. Good luck and make sure you let us know what you came us with.

J.

You could say something to the effect of "Bring your favorite children's book". Growing a library is terrific. Books can be affordable and you can never have too many.

Hi N., I recently got a baby shower invite with the great idea of starting a "library" for the new baby. I thought you could use the idea for your invitations. You could put a little note inside your invites that says something like... "(Daughter's name) has a love of reading and would like to start a library of her own. Instead of toys, please pick out a book she might enjoy and sign your name to it, along with your favorite quote." Also, add a list of books she already has. You will be unable to return them once people sign them. I would even keep a running list of what people buy so you don't get duplicates. Good Luck and Happy 1st Birthday! J.

N.,
The short answer to your question is no. Asking for no gifts, or items for a charity, however, is acceptable.

What you can do is let those who ask for suggestions after receiving the invitation know what ideas would be most appreciated, and hope for gift receipts so you can make returns/exchanges.

It's always a good idea to keep some toys hidden away and cycle through them as your child get bored and needs something new.

Hi N.,
Have a Theme party, like a Book Party or Library Party. That way it is directed but not rude. I have done them in the past and it went over well. If you get other items there are so many children in shelters / children hospital units out here I am sure they would love a donation of a used or new toy.
With your daughters birthday so close to the holidays it will always be this way. My son's b/day is 12/27 and we did a 1/2 year outdoor party for him in the summer with all his friends. Worked out really well and the house / Christmas items did not get destroyed :) always a plus!! Good luck and just enjoy it always seems to work out!

I personally think it's really tacky to put down names of specific stores or exact items, because then it looks like you're "fishing" for expensive gifts, especially if you start "naming names" of shops. You can, however, state that something like "no large toys" or "no electronic toys" or even "no toys, please" and not come off looking too bad. But honestly, to make pointed suggestions of what exact stores you would like gifts to come from or what specific articles of clothing you want is just really, really bad etiquette, IMO. This isn't a baby shower, where you might be registered someplace for necessities, after all.

And don't be surprised if people ignore you even if you do say something and bring huge and noisy toys anyway -- when my son was small, people kept giving him obnoxiously loud electronic toys that drove me and my husband up the wall, and we finally just asked people to please not give us any more of those, and they went ahead and did it anyway...

I am in the same situation as you - my son's 1st birthday is Jan. 28th. I decided to put in the Evite that we don't want any more toys and that he does need summer clothes size 18 months. I also was bold enough to ask for cash/checks that will help pay for his class at The Little Gym.

Its better to inform people and if they have a problem with it that's really there problem not yours.

We just attended a 1st birthday and sounds very similar. The greatest gifts other than love from ones attending were the savings bonds and cd's, however our little one enjoyed musical instruments. Have fun I know we did.

Hi N.,

Yeah, you really can't tell a person don't buy her a toy. However, I think it's okay when you write out your invitations to say, here are some gift ideas.

I think the only thing you can really say is "No gifts necessary!" Other than that, all you can do is casually mention to people that she really doesn't need any toys. I wouldn't put suggestions on an invitation.

You can always ask a good friend to spread the word that you're in need of clothes and books!

I definitely think it's ok to put her size and preferences and I think you can make it kind of cute.. put it in 1st person i.e. I'm growing & am already a size 18month! I LOVE the color red, I have TONS of toys but really just LOVE to read. I look forward to seeing you on my birthday!!!

People always appreciate a picture in that invite & you can take it yourself. "Hint" by it being a picture of her with tons of toys around her. You can put a line at the bottom about gift receipts appreciated. And the pciture by the way should ideally be a wallet size which will be much cheaper for you & people actually appreciate that for the most part. The more fun she's having in the picture or cute that she looks people will be very excited about coming. And if all else fails, you can do your best to exchange/return excess items. But definitely don't outright say anything that's going to discourage people, they obviously will mean well and be hurt.

Personally, I have a suggestion for you. I just bought my daughter (who LOVES reading, etc) the "your baby can read" set. (think it's www.yourbabycan.com). It's kind of expensive, approximately $200 (they don't say this upfront), but I have to say as hard up as we are financially I think it's worth it and will keep it. We've only been using it a few days and I can clearly see my daughter learning things she didn't know before. I won't say she can "read" already, but it's only been a few days and as I said I do see other clear evidence of learning (i.e. doing commands she was otherwise unfamiliar with such as "arms up" or sticking her tounge out). And the books and cards are actually fabulous. I didn't think I'd say that b/c I'm in this field and have seen a lot of them. But their design is really good (word slides to reveal picture vs. them together from onset) and I can really see how much more effective that is. They are well laminated, heavy cardboard books/cards that are built to last. And there is SOOO much that it's almost too much that comes with this whole package. I think you could suggest that to the grandmas & it's something you will both feel good about. There are also DVDs in case I didn't say that already, the 1st one was a little confusing to firgure out exactly what I should be playing but once I did, again I must admit is well designed. Anyway, just a suggestion.

Good luck, N.

For my daughter's first and second birthday I did gift registries. That way I could list what I wanted her to have but people could choose a gift they liked. In each invite I put an insert that said "Sierra's Gift Wish List can be found on target.com" and the other relevant information they needed to view the list. A few people still bought what they wanted, but most stuck to the list.

Have a great party!!

R.

I have the same problem. My daughter will be 1 on the 13th and figuring out what to say in the invite is hard. I already have a 2 1/2 yr old, so her baby toys became the others.
I like the idea of stating on the invite about your favorite stores. I personally would rather have an invite stating what the child needs. Our cousin just did a one year old party and in the invite (on a separate sheet of paper) that if we brought gifts, he would like to start his disney/pixar movie collection.
Maybe state "If you would like to purchase a gift for xxx, she would like clothing in xx size. Her favorite stores are xxx."

Sorry, I would just send out the invites. No notes.
You can always return gifts if need be. If people ask,
that is different. If these are people that you see
often, they will probably know what you need. Just
be grateful you have family and friends to share this
milestone wtih.

For my twins first b'day we had the same problem with clothes. They had way too many. I wrote a poem that said "please refrain from buying them clothes...they have more than enough heaven knows" No one was offended and many people asked me what they could use. I suggested gift certificates so we could buy what we needed (like diapers). I know I wouldnt be offended if someone put realistic uggestions in an invite. I might actually prefer it! Go ahead, I think you telling everyone what she truly enjoys is fine. Hope she has a great b'day

You could make it a "themed" party surrounding books and learning activities and invite guests to bring their favorite children's book, but even that's kind of pushing it! With the exception of "no gifts, please"- they should NEVER be mentioned on an invitation. You could also be honest with people when they ask and make sure that your parents and close friends know so they can share if someone asks them.

Your best bet to it put the toys away after the party and make a massive trip to the toy store to return them and get the store credit. You can use the Toy R Us card at Babies R Us and get clothes.

Don't forget the thank you's!

How about asking everyone to bring a donation and send it to Saint Judes Childrens research or how about the hospital you daughter was born in?? Just a thought I know what it's like to have to much stuff it just gets out of control!!

N.-

I completely understand the "toy overload" situation--I have two boys and they are the only grandchildren on both sides so we have an insane amount of stuff! That said, I would not make a comment about the gifts that you want within the invitation--it can seem like you are asking for gifts even though that is not your intention. I will tell you that alot of people will probably ask you what your daughter wants/needs and then you can definitely say that you would prefer clothes or books or whatever. If you get a ton of toys you can either save them for other times (we keep them in our basement and use them for rewards, half birthdays or whatever) or if you do not have storage space, return the gifts for store credit and get your daughter whatever you want. This is just a softer and more subtle way to handle the situation. Best of luck and enjoy her first birthday!

I would not mention anything about that.. people with think that is rude. don't even list any gift ideas..
They will end up asking u believe me.. I know what u mean who in the world needs more toys and things your daughter does not need.
Barb G.

You are more then allowed to state no toys...I would sugest picking a noticable font, making it slightly larger then small details, and putting something simple like:

Please - No Toys!
I would Love some colorful books to read or (insert other gift you'd prefer here) instead!

Or you could go with:

While I would love any gift, I could really use some winter clothes and a few colorful books to enjoy! I wear size xx, and I like green!

Most other parents and friends will understand, and may even be relieved they don't have to pick out a toy...books are very easy!
I personally find nothing offensive about noting a child's actual needs, so people don't waste their money on something they may never see the child enjoy. If people follow your requests, try to get pictures of your girl wearing/using the items she gets, and send them to the people who got them for her.

Good luck!

P.s. (after reading other responses) -
I don;t think asking for specific brands or items (unless the persons asks you specifically) is ok, just make a generalized statment, and let them choose for themselves. However, all that aside, it is your child and your home, and if you choose to do something, not a sigle one of us can stand here and tell you you're wrong for it, because we all have the same right to choose as you do.

I personally don't think it is the right way to go. That is suggesting someone is going to purchase a gift and not what a party is truly about. If you want to put her size on it invite on the side or something like that I would say ok but to come out and put a list on the invite not so OK.

Good luck!

I would suggest having folks give a donation to your local food pantry in your child's name, or if the gifts given are more toys, then donate them to a local family of little ones who can use the toys, or simply hold on to the new toys to re-gift at a later time. Just some thoughts.

I have the same issue with my son- he doesn't need anything. I have plenty of clothing that fits him now and he has enough clothes for spring and probably summer too. He got too many toys for Christmas. There are a few things that I want to get for him but I'm just going to wait until after his party. If anyone asks directly what she needs, you can tell them, but I don't think there is a polite way that you can suggest what to get for your daughter in the invitation. I think a gift registry for a birthday is tacky. (Fine for weddings, showers and other one-time events where things are needed, but not a yearly thing).

Here is what I wrote at the bottom of my son's first birthday invite. I'm not sure if it will work (his party is in 2 weeks)but it's worth a try:

Please do not feel obligated to get a gift. We are still recovering from Christmas. Ben has lots of people who love him and that is gift enough!

I figure that some people still won't listen and we will be stuck with lots of stuff he doesn't need, so I'm hoping there are lots of gift receipts so I can return stuff he doesn't need.

Once he gets older and has parties with kids I think we will do a book exchange, where we ask each child to bring a book ($5-10) to exchange. This way, every child that comes will go home with a book, and we don't end up with a million toys. It's a good way to teach kids not to be greedy.

Hi N.,
I don't think that it's really proper to ask for specific gifts in a party invite, unless you are asking for "No gifts" or letting people know that any gifts will be donated to a children's charity. The way to let people know that your daughter needs/wants specific things is when they call to rsvp, hopefully they will ask you what she wants or needs. I usually ask when I get an invitation. That's the time where you can come right out and say that you simply have no room for more toys, but that clothes or books would be appreciated.
Good luck!

N.,

Etiquitte mavens will tell you that it is improper to say anything on the invite about gift suggestions. A way to handle this, though, is to register at a couple of stores for things you would like to receive and then confide in a friend who can "spread the word" to the other invited guests. You know how it goes - "Hi, Sally, it's me, Diane. Have you though about what you're going to bring to Sophia's party? I actually asked Lisa and she told me that she's registered at XXXX to make it easy since there are going to be so many people there..." Hopefully, your friends will actually attach gift receipts as well so that if it is a duplicate or unusable gift it can be exchanged.

Good luck and don't sweat the small stuff. If you end up with lots of extra toys, there are always Toys for Tots or other charities that could use new, unopened toys for children who are much less fortunate than ours.

Have fun!

No - it's okay to request no toys, but it's really not okay to ask for other things from anyone other than your immediate family, and I wouldn't do that in your invitation. If you end up getting too many toys, I'm sure there are PLENTY of charities that would be very grateful for them.

My daughter's first birthday is also coming up in February, and she also has a ridiculous amount of stuff.

It's not polite to request gifts for an annual event (a previous poster said this, and I agree).

Our daughter really has everything she needs, so we've decided that we will make a collection for a specific charity each year. We recently lost our dog, so we've chosen a local animal shelter. The wording I included was

"In lieu of any gifts, we would rather take a collection for the local animal shelter. The shelter is always in need of food, toys, blankets/towels. Everyone has already been so generous, that we would like to share a little bit."

If anyone wants to give her something above that, it's their choice. I would rather have the local dogs and cats get a little loving too, than get stuck with more giant toys that she doesn't need.

Have fun at the party!

Hi N.,
I'm sprry but I really don't think there is a proper way to tell someone what to buy for you as a gift. The only thing I can suggest is that if someone close to you, such as your sibling, mother/father, close friend, maybe you can tell them in person. Or, of course, if someone asks. Maybe you can have your mother tell and aunt/uncle what to get, but other than that, it is extremely rude. GL!

I don't think its right to ask for specific things in an invitation. It sounds like you definintely do not need toys, and most of the time that is what people end up buying for a 1 yr old.

So, we've used this before for grown up parties - state on the invite "the Gift of your Presence is Present enough" and leave it at that. Some people will still bring a gift, but you can stash those away for later, or make a donation, etc... some may decide to just put some $ in a card and discreetly hand it to you at the party anyway and you can use it for the books/music etc that you want !!!

not a bad idea,i have also done the same and my youngest is 6yrs old the next in line is 21yrs old and the other is 25yrs old so for years it has worked at least with my family and friends, just simply state here are a few suggestion of things she could use and or the size. it helps out a lot. if i get an invite without a list i usually call to see what they want this way you are not spending money on something they cant or wont use. enjoy her birthday either way...

I believe you were given so many great suggestions by the other Moms, that there is no real need for me to answer, however...I just thought I would add a little something... I have 3 children all in close age (9,8 & soon to be 7 - 2 boys & 1 girl) and although they had plenty of toys to go around... it was always nice to know that people cared...So when their birthday comes around, I usually put in the invitation...clothes and shoe sizes (usually on the opposite side of the invite) and any interests my children are into at that time. My friends and family are so into that, because they prefer to get the kids what they want and/or need rather than just anything. Now that my kids are older - if its something they already have - we usually go to our local church or goodwill and donate it ourselves - my kids get a kick out of it because they feel like they are doing something for someone else - and it makes them feel good. Just something for you to keep in mind for the future too (because you'll definitely run into this situation again!) :-)

Hope this helps!

N. - we kindly ask in a letter sent with the invitation, even though not everyone 'listens', but it has helped, to either contribute to the college fund or donate to a charity of your choice or theirs

Ex. Dear Friends,

I'm a very lucky little girl to have you coming to celebrate my birthday. I'm also very lucky because Santa has been very nice to me this year. My Mommy and Daddy would greatly appreciate gift cards to Target or a donation ot my college fund. Even better, a donation to........

I hope to see you at my party!

Love,

(Good luck - A.)

i would talk to them as they rsvp. the first bd party is more like a social. so maybe they rather bring a appetizer/dish?
well i would say bring a book. it would be fun to see what they got and a conversation piece??????
when my daughther was little i read to her as much as i could. when christmas came around i wrapped books and she would pick one and we would unwrap it and read it.
hope that helped!

My thought on this is to not even mention gifts in the invite. I verbally communicate to everyone I can about gifts. I find most people tend to ask anyway. I realize you aren't going to speak to everyone who is invited so just accept whatever it is they give you. Then you can just store away items for use at a later date. Toys are great because you can put some away and then rotate them with ones that are being played with currently so your daughter gets something "new" every so often. Or extra toys are great for leaving at other places - like the granparents house. Less you have to carry. Extra clothes - well, lets just say, extra clothes are GREAT - even if you don't "like" everything you get, sometimes for playing outside or something you want to just put anything on and not worry about it getting ruined. You could always return some things. A lot of people give gift receipts now. My son is almost two now - my first child too - I felt a lot like you do, but I eventually found that everyones gifts usually did come in handy at some point for one reason or another. EVen though your daughter just got a lot, its going to be a while before Christmas and her birthday again, so it might be good to put some of her things away now to pull out months from now when she's looking for something new.

You can register for the items your daughter needs at most stores using their Birthday Registery(Target, Babies R US, Gap, Old Navy, Barnes and Nobles, Borders). Then either place the cards that the store sometimes gives you in the invitation or write that she's registered at such an such a place.
I am a practical gift giver and would much rather know what someone needs and know that it will be used than give something that will just be taken back or given to charity. I think a lot of moms think this way, but people without kids, might just want to get her something cute even if it might not be useful.

The way to get what you need and want for your child is to create gift wish lists or regisries with your favorite store(s). They have them at Target, Walmart, Babies r us, Amazon.com and others. Good luck.

Hi N.~
My family tree is more like a grove of trees so I've been to plenty of firsts parties. I've always welcomed the gift suggestions instead of being left to my own devices. I feel it is more than appropriate offer gift suggestions. If money is more appreciated (for her college fund, of course) you may want to voice that to them seperately and only to close family and friends. But you should realize some will still give her a toy.
Another option is to celebrate her birthday 6 months after the actual date and explain that you wanted her to have a break from too many toys. It should be understandable to others in attendance.
Good luck with whatever you and your husband decide to do.
J.~

For my baby shower I decided to place a small note in the invitation that said "J. and baby camryn's favorite stores are baby gap, old navy, h&m and babystyle." I made the font cute and cut it out with a fancy scissor. It actually worked! But it did take awhile to figure out the perfect phrasing. Good luck!

I can understand not wanting so many big things to find storage for, when she already has plenty of toys. However, it is not really proper to ask for gifts at all, so to specify in the invitation which gifts they should bring will likely rub some people the wrong way. Definitely tell those you're close to, like your mom and best friend, so that if they talk to party guests, they can discreetly spread the word about what your daughter needs, like clothes. And of course, some may ask you directly, so you can tell those people that clothes are best. You could also ask each guest to bring a note for your daughter to read when she's older - maybe advice or something special they would like to say to her?

you could suggest that she has plenty and you would like for friends to give to the less fortunate. maybe you could get put something together with a local organization of your choice. or maybe start building a bond or some sort of acct for your childs college. this is our child's first b-day coming up as well, and some of our family members are setting up an acct for her future education, and not too be touched until that time. they are leaving it open where everyone puts in a bit at xmas, bdays, etc... of their choice. also since our child got so many toys, my partner and i bought her a piece of art work for her bday. at one she will already be an art collector. good luck!

If you're serious about her not getting toys, I think it would be fair to say that you feel very fortunate to have plenty of toys and that if people feel inclined to bring something, you will donate them to a children's charity. Asking for specific things on an invitation seems tacky to me, although I can relate about getting toys you don't want. Good luck!