My hubby is military, so we are never living close to either of our extended families. Around the holidays, we tend to not really give out much more than cards to everyone, as it would be costly. In the past, we have sent gifts to my nephew (my sisters son) because they are not able to give him much themselves, and the same for 1 of my husbands sisters kids. My hubby has 5 brothers and sisters, so there are a lot of nieces and nephews on his side of the family, but giving to that one family that was in the same situation as the nephew on my side of the family was easy, because they lived no where near anyone else like us. But that family moved to the same town as all the other brothers and sisters, so now giving them gifts would definitely be costly, because we would have to include all the other kids. We were planning to just not to do that this year, but now his sister is sending us a gift card for our girls! I am not sure how I want to handle this, as I really do not want to buy gifts (or gift cards) for about 10 kids. Especially this year, since we just moved to the other side of the country in Novemer. Any advice?
K.
Thanks for all the advice! I talked it over with my hubby, and we ultimately decided to just send that family's children gift cards (very small amounts each) and leave it at that. I did like the idea about drawing names, and oddly- his family does do that already, but we are not included in this (I specifically asked about it one year) because we do not live there. Go figure! And I do know what it is like when a grandparent showers one child with gifts, and not others (I grew up on the short end of that). However, we feel that we are close with this family (as opposed to the others), and wonder if the others even know of our existence! So we decided to keep the special relationship that we do have with that family. As for gifts, I do realize it is all more important for the children, and that they don't really understand much of what is going on other than they are getting gifts from people they love! But my hubby and I had to oppose the idea of sending each of the nieces and nephews gifts, mainly because only my grandma sends our girls things...not even my hubby's parents do..and we felt giving to all the kids would ultimately shorten what we can give to our own girls, and since they don't really get much from anyone else, we didn't feel it was worth doing so. And I know that someone giving a gift doesn't mean you need to reciprocate, but I feel guilty when I don't, as if they are thinking I hadn't thought them special enough to put effort into getting them a gift or something! Anyways...just wanted to let you know what we decided...thanks again! I appreciate all your help...and hopefully our decision will work out okay.
K.
I know it is hard when you have a big family, where do you cut it off. I have sent this out in the past and again this year. It can be for the whole family. A holiday tin from the Popcorn Factory. www.thepopcornfactory.com/holiday05/ It is $14.99 for a two gallon tin(+s/h) a special 1/2 price offer.
K.,
I've read something like this in one of my parent magazines. The writer was asking Ms Manners what to do and Ms Manners replied that you are not required to send gifts to anyone. If you feel like you need to send something, send a nice thank you card and let them know that you appreciated their gift. I have a similar problem and what I do is just send a card to the family. Also, you can get free cards online for those who have e-mail. It makes it a lot easier.
Something else I do, and I know this may sound crude, is that if someone tells me that they want a gift, I don't get them one because this is not what gifts are about. It's not the getting, it's the giving. I've done that to my in-laws and they may not have appreciated it, but they learned that I do not like being told that I have to get them a gift. They should be blessed they got one at all.
Hope this helps and good luck.
Just be very greatful. People don't expect gifts in return, it is about giving! And if they do then they are giving for the wrong reasons:) Send them each a card so they each feel special then it doesn't cost much but the thought is obviously there. Then send a thank you note from your girls when their gift arrives.
I actually suggested last year that my brother and I who both have one child to just buy for the kids and not eachother b/c it wasn't necessary. That cut down on cost and made the gifts much more fun to buy.
I know this probably isn't going to be very popular, but you need to consider that kids just don't understand sometimes that not getting them a gift isn't anything personal. My brother and sister in law are financially not as secure as we are, and my mother in law is constantly buying them things and not our children. I love all of them and we all get along fine, but all of us have experienced the grandmother that showered certain grandchildren with gifts and not others, or maybe an aunt or and uncle. When you are a kid, it's hard to understand that. Parents can understand, but it takes pretty profound poverty or extreme wealth for any kid under 10 to understand why it's fair for some cousins to get gifts and not others. Even if their parents try to explain it to them, they just have a hard time getting it. And I don't want to have to put anyone's parents in that situation. I am wondering what I am going to say to my own son when he realizes all of the gifts that his cousins get that he doesn't. It's going to be hard to rationalize when they live in a much larger home than we do, drive nicer cars, etc. Children don't "get" the concept of debt. They are very concrete- what they see is what they understand.
Because of that, I would caution you for sending gifts to some cousins and not others, especially if they live near one another and might find out. Either get everyone a small gift, or no one. A $10 bill or gift certificate can buy a little toy. One year we were tight and I sent cookies to my nieces and nephews. But I sent them all the same thing, so I guess they all could be disappointed together. Who cares about the adults and what they say, but try to remember what it was like to be a child when you were the one who didn't get anything.
Hello K.
We are an all military family as well (Navy, Airforce and Marines) and we just decided years ago that everyone in the family gets a Christmas Orn. every year. You can shop at the after Christmas sale and save 50 - 75% and then you are done for the following year. That way everyone gets something from you and you are helping the younger ones build a tree for when they move out on their own and you feel good about giving something. Make sure you write their name and the year given on the original box. I take extra efforts to wrap it up pretty. It works for us. The children can have a piece of candy as part of their ribbon..unless they have a pet...skip that part...but you could put a MatchBox car on the ribbon for a boy and a hair bow for a girl.
Hope this helps.
We tend to make their birthday gift about a 30.00 gift. Our family is too large to give much more than that....plus, gift certificates for Birthdays cut down on the cost of shipping!!
Merry Christmas...it's the thought that counts. Make cookies for family if nothing else.
Hugs,
T.
I would suggest you have a private chat with the parents in the family and graciously say that you appreciate the gift card but are unable to reciprocate. Then, you might want to plan that next year you do a dollar-limit gift exchange where you draw one name per person so that nobody has to take care of giving presents to everyone.
You might just also write a thank you note for the gift card, and not send any presents... a gift received is not an obligation for you to send something.
Best of luck with this!
I'm sure its too late for this year, but have you considered a name exchange? Perhaps having the grandparents "assign" which grandchild will send a gift to which of their cousins and put a price limit on it. The children would then be assured to get something they want because I imagine living far apart you don't see each other often enough to really know one another.
I come from a somewhat large family and since just about all of my cousins are over 18 now, starting this year we put all of our names along with a couple gift suggestions limited to $50 into a bowl and drew them on Thanksgiving (the under 18 cousins will still get gifts as normal, but will be added to the drawing when they turn 18). Granted we all live within an hour or two of each other, so its easier for us. But, its just a suggestion.
If that won't work, why not just make an agreement between everyone that you don't exchange gifts with one another.
I would continue doing as you have. Do the other family members send things to your children?
My husband has two brothers with children. One gets gifts from us regularly. The other we don't send things to. The former has always thanked us. The latter doesn't ever acknowledge even receiving them. I don't feel guilty in the least with how we do things now.
