Getting My Husband to "Want" to Have Another Baby

It sounds like he was on board a few months ago. I would have a conversation with him and ask what has changed since then. He may have other reasons other than lack of rest that he is not vocalizing. He may be worried about what is happening economically. Something may be going on at work that is setting him on edge. Or any number of other things. Try to have this conversation when there are no other distractions so you can stay focused on what is being said.

I would have to echo what others have said about making sure that you both truly want to have a baby. Maybe go talk to some disinterested third party about it--like a counselor--to see where you each stand, what your reasons are, what you're each afraid of (whether you do or don't chose to have another baby) because it would likely put a lot of strain on your marriage if you don't both feel sure about the decision. It sounds a little too simple to say that you will take on all the responsibility of caring for the new baby and your other child. (Because who knows how it will actually be, once you have a second child, know what I mean?)

Maybe your husband can switch his schedule around, or something, but it seems like the most important choice for your marriage is how to make a decision you will both be happy with.

Good luck!

Talk to your husband about how much you want another child. Listen to why he does not. Work together to come to a solution you both can live with. If either of you pushes your decision on the other, it will cause problems down the road. There is no perfect time to have a second child. It is always a disruption to the established routine, and added work and expense along with the added joy. You need to be together on this one.

As far as being the one getting up and taking care of everyone, make no promises. Yes, you will most likely do most of it as a SAHM, but you need to know you can rely on your husband when you can't do everything, and there will definitely be times you can't. Having him do some of the caretaking will build a stronger bond between him and his child(ren). You doing everything will make him feel left out, and there will be times you resent his lack of participation.

If you are doing everything now, stop it! Give him something specific every day. When our boys were little, my husband did baths every night, and that worked out great. Maybe your husband would prefer tucking your son in, or giving the bedtime snack, or folding laundry with your son. (A 2 year old can help sort socks!) Give them something that is their special time together. A strong bond with your son might help persuade him how much another child would add to your family.

Hi J., I think you made a good point in that you would be the one carrying it, delivering it and then feeding it. Do you have a good support system around you? ie - family and friends who could also help out with your son and the baby? That would help too. I don't know your financial situation, but do you think if he wasn't working two jobs, he'd be more open to it? You mentioned he was pressuring you a few months ago. Was he working the two jobs then? I know my husband's more concerned about the money involved in adding more children than the lack of sleep. Good luck to you!

Men just don't realize that a woman's desire to have children is like their desire to have sex. It is a very strong emotion. Is your 2 yr old his child? Did he have to deal with him in the night? I can understand if he did, but still, it is such a short time to deal with it.
BEtter to have a child now, while the other one is young, than to wait and have a child when he is too old to be close to the second one.
All I can say is that he will probably change his mind when it is too late. I have seen it happen to several men. They didn't want kids when they were young, then they got older 40-50 and decided they wanted them and their wives were too old to have more kids.

get the birth controil taken out and have him wear condoms when he is ready he will stop wearing the condoms!

My arguement to my husband was always that I didn't want my son to be alone if something were to happen to us! He was a little hesitant, but after we had our daughter they are all inseperable! He will admit to me that he is really glad that we decided to have another. Our kids are such a blessing, but we are stopping at 2!

Good luck, we argued about it for 3 years. My son is 9 and my daughter is 2 and I LOVE the age difference!

i don't think you should have to convince your spouse for another child...it really should be a mutual decision. & don't sell yourself short by telling him you will be taking care of the baby by yourself at night...he is your partner & should offer support (which is why it's important for it to be a mutual decision). if he's only partly into the idea of having another, it is possible that he may resent the child or treat him or her differently. i would say to wait it out, maybe he will change his mind once your toddler is older.
we have a 26 month old & an 11 week old (both girls) & it is exhausting. i'm a SAHM as well, but if my hubby wasn't willing to help out when he's home & at night i truly think i would be a walking zombie most days.
i'm sorry to disagree with you, i just see that this could really put a 'crimp' in your marriage if you convince your hubby...convince sort of sounds like another word for 'manipulate' & that shouldn't be in a marriage.

Okay, so you want another child and he does not. First of all, is that a deal breaker? Can you still love him if you don't get a 2nd child??

Second, play an imagination game with me. You were a SAHM, but now you have a 4 year old, an infant, and a divorce, so you are now a full-time working mom, with 2 outside careers to keep the $$ going, and no time to play with either baby. Deal breaker?

You said you would "do everything" so he would not have to do anything additional. MOMMEEEEE, I WANT A PUPPY!!! (tears) I WILL DO EVERYTHING FOR IT AND TAKE IT FOR WALKS AND ......
(sound like any child you know?)

I'll bet that your husband just wants more time with you!!!! With his jobs and a 2 year old, it is probably hard to get time together, let alone the $$$ for an additional child. He may not want to take a 3rd job to support you, you will have to get a job, nobody can stay home with the children, you are both too tired to enjoy each other, etc. etc. etc.

Back off from the discussion for a year, then revisit the question. My kids are 5 years apart, you can survive that gap. But if you make a big scene now, your marriage may not survive the big scene. And he would resent the baby you "talked him into" having. And it is NOT FAIR for a child to be resented like that!

PS - your surrounding family DOES NOT get a vote as to the size or timing of your family!!!!

Good luck with your decisions. Cut your husband some slack, and you too. Just enjoy this child. There is time in the future to make further decisions.

I don't really have any advice because I am in the same situation. However, I do get very irritated when this topic comes up because all everyone says is "respect his wishes and maybe one day he will want another". No one ever mentions how not having another one may cause us to resent our husbands for not allowing us to complete our family. Both husband and wife need to respect how each other feel and be willing to talk it out and try to see it from the others view. So just like the husbands feelings shouldn't be ruled out, neither should ours.

The best thing you can do is openly listen to his concerns and put your personal timetable on hold for now. Did he know about your appointment to have your birth control removed or did you decide that on your own? If he feels unsure about having another child, pushing it on him is going to be counter-productive. It's important to not approach it as "talking him into it." He needs to be heard too. If you honestly listen to him and care about what he has to say without worrying about now being the absolute best time that YOU think you must have a baby, then he's more likely to come around to it eventually when you approach it this way. Ask him open questions, such as "When you think about having another child, what are the things that come to your mind that make you think you don't want to?" Then LISTEN without judging, without jumping in and trying to convince him. Just listen and keep asking more questions to find out what's going on in his mind and heart. IF you give him this consideration, he might give you the same consideration at hearing your thoughts and concerns.

Hi J.,

A few years ago, I felt like our family had been called to adopt from China. The problem was that my husband didn't want any other children. We already had two bio daughters, and he felt like that was enough. So I figured that I had made a mistake in interpreting what God was telling me, and I tried to move on. Well, it continued to weigh heavily on my mind, but I knew that I couldn't pester my husband about it. The last thing he'd said about it, was that if he felt God pulling him in that direction then he would follow God's calling, but he said he didn't feel that pull.

So I prayed. For almost a year I continued to pray for God's guidance for myself and for discernment on my husband's part with respect to the adoption. But I have to say that I'd pretty much given up and decided that we'd be a family of 4, and that this was what God wanted.

One day I was sitting at home in the evening after dinner with our daughters. My husband was at work, and he called me up to tell me "I'm ready". I didn't understand at first, but it became clear that God had put several people in my husband's life that influenced him in deciding that we should go ahead with the adoption.

Now 4 years later, we have 3 beautiful girls with the addition of our now 2 year old daughter from China that we brought home to our family about a year ago. So my best advice to you is to pray. Pray that God will lead you and your husband in making the decision about having another child.
M.

You should wait until you and your husband can agree on this. This is a life changing event and shouldn't be forced on anyone. If you "talk him into it" you may be setting yourself up for a fall. Tell him you would like to have another child and then pray about it. Give him a chance to come around on his own.....it needs to be his CHOICE too as well as yours.

Remember how it felt a few months ago when your husband and family were pressuring you to have a baby? Remember how it felt to "not be ready at the time". I'm sure the pressure was stressful and for whatever reason, you simply felt like you could not do it.

Please remember that as you try to get your husband to want to have another baby. Right now, letting some time pass might be the best way to persuade/assure that having another baby is okay. While you might be the primary caregiver for the child, having another baby and increasing your family size is still a humongous change for your husband. I'm sure he feels he will have to shoulder more responsibility for another member of the family besides the inconvenience of waking up in the middle of the night.

Be patient but have open communication with your husband. He may eventually come around when he is ready, just like you warmed up to the idea of another child when you were ready.

Keep in mind that he has reservations, and they are valid to him, even if you disagree.

Our two daughters are 3 years apart, and we had the same discussion when the oldest was 2: Should we "go for 2"? My husband is an only child, and that played into the conversation because I have 3 siblings. My father-in-law is an only child too. Recently things occurred with his mother requiring he and MIL to get powers-of-attorney regarding finances and other stuff to help out. He's the guy. He has nobody to "bounce things off of" or help out. It all falls on him. Now it could have ended up that way regardless if he had had siblings who had passed away or something, but anyway....

Here's the other end of the story too...DH told me he would take 1/2 days off work for a month to "help out" instead of taking off a week or so when #2 was born. That ended up not happening as he had planned, and I'm still mad about it. There's nothing I can do except get over it, but it bothers me that he promised to help out more and didn't - and I'm still paying the price because #2 is a HUGE daddy's girl. So much to the point where she won't let me pick her up at night if she wakes up...she can't get away from me fast enough to ge to daddy, and she's only said "mommy" maybe 3 times. LOL She can count to 10, but won't say mommy.

Don't get me wrong - I love both my girls so very much I'd do anything for them. I love the way #2 says "Dah-deeee". I love that #1 wants to go kiss #2 on the forehead and gets mad when #2 moves out of the way. It's great having 2 - and it does increase the workload more than you realize, but it's worth it (to me anyway).

Don't know if that helped at all, but for what it's worth!

I would say: respect your husband's wishes and not try too get pregnant at this point. There is more to it for a man having to help with the house and kids even though you said that you would do it all. It puts pressure on a man (or on most man) when there family starts to grow as far as being a provider, not only financially but also mentally and emotionally. My hubby isn't ready for another child either and I respect that. For him it's just exhausting to think about it at this point. We may never have a second bio child but I'm thinking that there is always adoption later, when our son is older (we are both older parents). So, I don't know how old you are but you already have a lot going on. And all of my friends, that have had a second child, have told me that it is a huge adjustment going from one to two. If you believe in God, then start praying for God to put the wheels in motion and prepare the way for another child in your heart, your husband's heart and your little boy's heart. Trust in God that He will bring about what is best for you and your family. So, take the pressure off your husband and keep your birth control in place for now.

LOL OK I have a 4 yr old AND a 15 mo old OH LORD LOVE my kids BUT I will say you will be SO TIRED. I am not saying not to have one BUT be ready to be running CONSTANTLY PLUS with your hubby not being around that much with what it sounds like you will pretty much be a single SAHM mom which is what I fill like. The single mom. My hubby works 4:30 pm and gets hm at 2-3 am and up at 10-11 and BACK off to work. We NEVER have time for ourselves which really stinks. Now DO NOT GET ME WRONG. I LOVE my kids and I got slack from another post from some saying it was sad I did not want my son. NOT THE CASE at all. They are just full of energy from the moment they wake up and non stop till 9 at night. They HATE to do naps and will go till they fall on their face lol. Realize they are laying down and BOOM back up lol. Kids are a blessing from god but SO MUCH work. Not sure how anyone does it with more than 3 kids lol. I know you will do what you want but it will be work work work plus with you sitting for a 9 mo old will drain you more. I sit for a 3 yr old and they are CONSTANTLY at each other like cats and dogs. My 4 yr old will even say that to lol. The lady I sit for just found out she is with baby SO I am sure I will watch that one to and she works with my hubby so I will have 4 kids :0 Hope I can do it. lol

Please make sure he is on board before you have another one. It would not be pretty to trick him into it thinking he'll change his mind. It needs to be a decision you make together. Stop and think about why you want another and see if you would still be happy with just the one. Try to see his point of view, if you still want another one, sit down and tell him the reasons you didnt want to stop at one. Make them good reasons. Maybe he just isnt ready now and you can have a 2nd, just not right now. Then you both get your wish. I on the other hand am quite the oppisite. My husband wants another child and I have 3 girls and am 36 1/2 and want to be done. We cant get pregnant again until I'm almost 39 because we will be seperated from one another and I'm not willing to have another child at 40 and have these two be 5 years apart. Sorry to rattle on, I know this wasnt part of your question.

Dear J.,
I wouldn't do anything that would upset your husband. Allow God to change his heart by praying for him and allowing him to be part of the decision. L. J

I do not know how to get your husband to want to have another baby, but I do have a little advice on what NOT to say. Do not tell him you will do everything. I made that mistake when I decided to be a stay at home mom. Now, I do all the housework, cook, do laundry and watch the kids (I have 2 stepchildren). He goes to work. When I asked him why he didn't even chage a diaper when he got home, he said it was part of the deal. I will say it has changed, but we went almost 8 months that way with me being stressed and angry at him and he was clueless to the fact because "it was part of the deal." I understand how you feel as I wanted another one as well, but am extremely grateful for the one I have! Good luck and I hope you win the battle!

Hi J.,
I am a mother of 4,2 boys,and 2 step daughters. WWhen me and my husband had our second son,he wanted it to.Talk to your husband.tell him you want another baby. tell him how you feel. If he loves you and wants to make you happy,WITHCH IM SURE HE DOES, He will have another baby with you. Just talk to him and let him know how you feel about it. Im sure it will work out for you.

A.