Getting My Hubby to Join Forces with Me

You can't just go to bed and dump it on him. You need compromise, and to work together. Tell him if he expects parent time, than he needs to get it before you go to bed, and he needs to help you get the kids to bed. Try taking a day off and not doing any chores, cooking, cleaning, come home and take a nap, then let him see what you do by doing it in the evening when he is home. Good Luck and don't be affraid of changing routines, but the kids really need to go to bed at a decent hour for there own sake. Just because it is summer does not mean they get to sleep later. Maybe you can compromise and they can stay up late on Friday since everyone can sleep in on Saturday.

Yes, all kids need routine. There are plenty of articles that detail just WHY kids need sleep, and even how much. Your kids are not even getting 8 hours, and they should be getting between 8-12. I even read one recently that when kids don't get enough sleep, they often act the opposite of an adult, meaning they don't fall asleep or whatever, they get extremely hyper, almost like ADD-like behavior.

I totally disagree that this is MALE behavior though. My husband is wonderful and does his part in the daily routines. To me, your husband sounds like a stereo-typical 1950s man: lazy and selfish and also undermining your authority as a parent. He tells you you do nothing all day. What?!? My husband tells me at least once a week how thankful he is for all the hard work I do, and just how much he appreciates me. Mind you, I know I'm married to the best, but I suggest you may need some family counseling to learn to communicate and become a united front.

How about getting some back up from your pediatrician? Hubby can't argue with a dr.'s wisdom. Children and babies need to be on a regular schedule or any control is lost and the child suffers many problems as a result. Eating, napping and bedtime should be on a daily schedule and most parents do this. I spent all day with my daughhter while she was growing up, then she had daddy time when he came home from work and was in bed by depending on age anywhere from 7:30-9pm when she was a little older. I is ok to allow and extra 30-60 minutes as they grow a little older during the summer time according to the age of each child but to allow them to stay up to the wee hrs of the a.m. and then expect you to wake up for him doesn't fly. My husband and I had our time when my daughter went to bed and at age 3 it was around 7:30pm and as she got older it grew 30 minutes. by 5 it was 8pm and by 7 on up it was8:30- 9pm. on school nights and maybe9:30- 10pm on weekends or during the summer if something special was going on. but 9pm was the major bed time for many years and when ever there was balking on her side, I would tell her that all day and evening was her time, but night time was for mommy and daddy to have their time.

Wow- tell him that if the kids go to bed when they're supposed to, you guys can have alone time and everyone is happy. He should NOT be bothering you to entertain him after you've been asleep; especially that late at night. You may just have to get ugly with him and lay down the law. Little kids need early and structured bedtimes. I wish you the best of luck, love.

You sound like your plate is full. All you need to do is simply create boundaries with your husband and enforce them.

To create boundaries you first think of each thing that you don't like and write it down along with how you feel when it happens.
Then write what you WOULD like to see happen along with a consequence on what you will do if it doesn't happen.

The consequence has to be something you will enforce or the whole formula won't work.
A counselor told me the formula and it's been very successful in my family. Here it is:
When you....
I feel.....
I want....
Or this will happen....

Example:
When you let the kids stay up till 12am then
I feel like you aren't considering me and my limitations on how tired I get at night.
I want to let the kids stay up later on the weekends but not through the week.
If you do let them stay up till 12am through the week then I will let them sleep later the next morning and can get them ready and take them to school when you get up.

He will test you at first so you MUST enforce your boundary. This was just an example. You have to think of your own boundaries.

Most people at first find it difficult to come up with boundaries because it means they can't be lazy and just nag.

You have to be creative and really think about what you want, how you feel, and what you will do to enforce it.

When you are done with writing down all of your boundaries, fix a nice romantic dinner and explain them to your husband.

Then sit back and just enforce your boundaries.
This formula actually works with 90% of relationship problems.

In a respectful way, lay out to him like you did to us, what your day is like. You are very tired and you need your sleep and so do your kids! Explain to him that if the kids go to bed at 8:30 he can have "parent" time, if not, leave me alone! If he really values this time, he should jump on board. Aren't your kids cranky?? I can't imagine a 3 year old only getting 6.5 hours of sleep! If they are cranky and you are taking care of it, stop. He will see what it is like and tell him the easiest solution is getting them to bed! Always talk about these things calmly and don't "blame" him for anything, just tell him how it is going to be! Tell him the fact that it is summer doesn't mean anything if they are still getting up at 7am for summer camp. Good luck.

he is a man and from all men are from the show me state. go on a weekend alone to a hotel. read, study and have your hubby take care of the kids. you will see a change quick

I had the same problem at home with my hubby too. I had to finally say the baby goes down for bed at 7:30, my older childe must be in bed by 9. If you want my help in putting them to sleep it must be at these times. I am going to bed after 9 and I don't want to be disturbed. Here's the big one: If you don't help me put the kids down on time, then please plan to help have them up, fed, dressed and ready to leave by 7:30 before you leave for work!!!! It worked. It was basic, be reasonable, or you take care of them in the morning too !!!

Barbie, my husband won't enforce bedtime either -- he'll fall asleep, and my girls could be running all around the room with the lights on, and it doesn't bother him. Of course, that's not dad-time. :-) I finally decided that I had to be the bedtime person also, because my girls needed the sleep (and I paid for it the next day). You may have to break down and just do what's best for your kids, even though it may not be fair. (I, fortunately, don't have to worry about "parent" time too often after he's already fallen asleep. :-)

If you haven't done so already, you may want to get your kids helping you around the house. Also, maybe your nine-year-old could help make lunches.

Good luck,

J.

Oh, Barbie. It is so important for your children to get enough sleep. Their extreme lack of sleep can lead to a weaker immunity, clumsy accidents, and behavior issues. Their little minds and bodies are suffering on 6 1/2 hours of sleep. Structure and consistency (like an appropriately set bedtime every night-even in the summer) will help yield a healthy child who feels safe and secure that parents will set boundaries. I hope you can work this out with your husband. Your kids deserve it.

Good luck.