Getting Kids to Do Chores - Cincinnati,OH

Don't give them a choice between doing and not doing. Right now he has the choice to not do his chores. Don't allow that; instead give him a choice between which chore he would like to do first.

Mine have to do their chores and homework before they can do anything else; play with friends, play with toys, etc etc. They don't have the choice of not doing their chores, only the order in which they do them. If they flat out refuse (rare) then they are sent to their rooms (no electronics) until they are ready to do them. I always make sure they have enough time each day for the chores and homework and a little free time after both are done; the free time is their incentive, if they finish chores/homework quickly they have more free time, if not they have less or none.

In our family, chores are just part of life. Before the kids go to school, they have chores. They like to play outside with their friends before the bus comes, and they are not allowed to do so until chores are done. If for some reason the chores were not done before school (or done poorly) then those chores are added on to their afternoon chore list. I write down what they must do (usually 3 jobs each) as well as homework and reading time. This must be completed after school before they go do anything fun. So, if homework and chores are not done, they basically are doing nothing else until they get it done!
The kids DO whine sometimes but not completing the chore is not even an option in the older ones' minds. My 5 year old is still learning. Just last night she threw a big fuss about wiping the kitchen table. I told her, "Either way, you are wiping the table. If you whine and cry, you will wipe the table and then go to bed early. If you wipe the table without making a fuss, you can stay down with the family and watch a movie". Guess who sucked up the tears and completed her chore?
Like I tell my kids- I am not the maid. I am not the only person in the family that will clean. We all live here and we all are responsible for keeping the house and yard tidy.

I have been teaching parenting for yrs and yrs. Chores are necessary and parents who parent well, have their kids do chores. Kids who have chores feel a sense of responsibilty within the family. It's teaches some independence, etc... So many kids are "entitled" today. And with this "entitlement" kids walk all over their parents. I just got off the phone w/ a Mom who allows her 4 yr old to treat her like a doormat.

My kids were told at a very young age that everybody in the house chips in because we all live here. I do not take "no" for an answer. Unless my kids are sick, they have to do them. When they were little, we used to put on our "dusting" music. We would play music and they would dust. As far as setting the dinner table and putting dished in the sink---These "chores" were expected once they were a certain age.

Your situation sounds like it's a bit of a power struggle right now. And he won. I would be happy to send u a message tomorrow when I have more time.

Certain chores should be expected. Some extra chores can be posted for a dollar amount.

You are right... There should not be any fighting over this. This will teach him to argue. Then, some of the respect will go right out the window.

First, my son gets a small allowance which is unrelated/unconnected to doing chores. This is for him to practice saving and spending and giving with.

In our home, chores are dealt with as a matter of course. My approach is more or less this: life does not progress happily until your chores are done and opting out is not an option.

I have two main techniques for helping my son get his tasks done:
1. Life cannot progress pleasantly
and 2. Broken record

Life Cannot Progress Pleasantly: This is what happens when my son isn't taking care of things which lead to other things. For example, he is supposed to set the table for dinner each night. If he hasn't set the places, he cannot eat. Pretty simple. If he whines and complains, then I tell him that I'll need him to work on doing this task until he can show me that he can do it without whining and complaining... once that's accomplished, I may give him a different chore for a while.

Life Cannot Progress Pleasantly: Each evening he must be ready for bed by seven; bedtime stories start at 7 and go until 7:20; I stop reading at that point. Before seven, he must have his room picked up ( be able to walk through safely), pajamas on, dirty clothes in the wash, teeth brushed/toilet, and face washed... if he doesn't manage that time well.... oh, my , you might only get 5 minutes of stories or none at all. Natural consequence.

Broken record: left that backpack on the floor again? I will stand by your doorway while you play, tell you once "Kiddo, you need to put your backpack on the hook right now please." Noncompliance? I will stand in your doorway and say "backpack" every five seconds like a total, unavoidable PITA until it's done. I am the queen of this... I can do this for as long as it takes and that backpack will go on the hook because the kid just wants to make it stop. I do this calmly and coolly, will sometimes even grab a magazine to look at so I'm not getting peeved because there have been a handful of times it's taken five minutes before he realized I Wasn't Going Away. Used without any anger and with patience, the Broken Record is a very useful tool. And once they know you are in it for the long haul, the faster they begin to respond.

If your toys become a problem for me, then they go live in the basement for a while. I am not investing effort in keeping Kiddo's toys picked up. He's six, he can figure it out, or they go away for a while. He may even need to come up with his own plan for managing them and present that plan to me before we agree the toys can come back.

I know this is long, but in all of these situations, I have made not doing the chores HIS problem, not mine. Right now, your son has made not doing the chores your problem, not his. My sister has something similar with her boys; her rule is that you cannot progress to a different chore until you have shown her that A. you can do your chore without endless verbal reminders (they have charts) AND B. you have mastered the chore, including no whining or griping. Sorry this was so long, but I hope it gives you a few ideas.

Also, consider a chart or some visual reminders for him to refer to. "Go check your chore chart..." is sometimes preferable to "I told you to...."

FYI: his chores are:
Dress, get ready for school, dirty pjs downstairs
Homework (I consider it a chore, it is for him), Reading aloud, eye exercises (eye therapy-- this all can take a long time)
Setting the table for dinner; helping with dinner prep
Clearing his place at dinner
Help put groceries away (2 x's a week)
Bring recycling items out/help gather up trash cans (1 x a week)
Putting his coat/backpack where they belong; shoes too
Putting his laundry away (2-3 x's a week)
Tidying up the backyard when he's done playing out there
Picking up everything off his floor for vacuuming (big task, usually needs help as this becomes a great time to clean out some things) 3 x's a month

We have two separate chore "charts" for our 3 and 5 year old. The are really just lists.

The first one is the things that are non-negotiable, just simply part of our family, and both children are expected to do the same things. They are:
Dress, get ready for school, clothes in laundry, brush teeth
Setting the table
Clearing dishes after eating
Cleaning their sink and the toilet
Putting up coats/backpacks/shoes after school
Sorting laundry
Folding and putting laundry away
Keeping outside toys put away
Watering the flowers and garden
Cleaning up toys every night, in the play room and their rooms

The second list is the one that they "earn" extras from. We pay them per item the amount in parentheses:
Cleaning the floors ($1.00)
Wiping down cabinets ($1.00)
Dusting (I spray, they follow me and dust - 50 cents)
Washing outside furniture ($1.00)
Cleaning counters ($1.00)

They can keep the money or turn it in for screen time, which is usually their choice, unless they are saving for something.

We look at it as they have natural things they must do as a part of our family, but they can also earn extra by working harder. No task is difficult, or that time consuming, except the paying ones. The consequences are natural. If they don't clean up their toys at the end of the night, I pick them up into a garbage bag and they disappear until they can show responsibility (Cleaning up toys takes less than 5 minutes because of this - everything is put away after they use it). If they don't put away their laundry, same thing (obviously keeping enough clothes so they have clothing to wear), and they may lose their favorite shirt as a consequence. Outside toys, same thing.

Good Luck!

Here is what my kids do on a three week rotating schedule:

Wipe the table and counters as needed (usually after breakfast and after dinner).
Vacuum the living room.
Responsible for the laundry, getting it from the hamper to the washer, washer to dryer, and then to the basket where my husband or I will fold.

They are also responsible to pick up after themselves, my boys clean the bathrooms (8 year old does the toilets and the 6 year old does the counters and sinks), my 9 year old daughter mops the downstairs, keeping their rooms at least decent looking, unloading the dishwasher, and anything else we ask them to do.

No, they do not earn anything and do not take anything away. It's not an option to do chores. They are a part of our family and will help as needed.

We keep our monthly calendar where they can see what chore they are responsible for. Occassionally we'll get a complaint, but a look is all it takes to get them doing it. NONE of their chores take more than 5 minutes. But it's a HUGE help for my husband and I in getting other things done.

They have been doing this since 4, 6, and 8. I don't see any reason why your 6 year old can't do his chores. It's not a choice for him. He gets them done when you ask. Plain and simple.

Moms need to nag kids to do chores. It's a fact of life. I don't know if that's ever going to change. I think with most kids there has to be some form of carrot or stick. So you encourage them and use the incentive when possible. My kids do get paid for their chores - it's their allowance that they don't get unless their chores get done. We figure it's a picutre of what the world is like. And then other times we have to use the stick - they lose all kinds of priviledges when chores are not done.

But I don't think there will every come a time when they'll jump up from their activity to run and empty the dishwasher or vacuum the hall... And if you get to that point please instruct us becuase you will clearly be the Master...

I would ask what his chores are. Are they reasonable or too much? If reasonable then let the consequences fall naturally. Hold out. See how long he can go before he misses those electronics if they are chores that can wait.... inconvenient for you maybe, but can wait. Now if the chore is feeding the dog... that is another story. It might be time to give up the dog. That would be harsh, but lesson would be learned.

But.... honestly,

I'm the last one to ask! HaHa! I didn't require my kids to have much of chores. They were expected to pick up their toys, turn the lights off when they left a room, bring dishes to the sink and help with the garbage. That is about it! One of my sons never could remember to turn a light out. I tried every consequence in the book, but it didn't matter! I bet now that he pays his own bill in his own apt he remembers though. LOL!

Hi! I blogged about this a while ago: http://heyyougetreal.com/momblog/money-and-kids/
have fun!

It's either the chores are done ON TIME or she is grounded to her room. My GD is a rule follower and a people-pleaser so she does what she's supposed to do without much trouble. I don't remind her about them; I'm trying to teach her to be responsible for her own things. But if the time that the chore is supposed to be completed by comes and goes, then I simply say "you missed the time on your chore. You'll be in your room tomorrow." and that's the end of it. She stays in her room the next day and the following days she makes an extra effort to get them done on time. she has only had to spend one afternoon in her room because of her failure to do her chore on time. I'm lucky - she is a VERY GOOD girl!

My kids have a list of chores they must do every day, and a list of once a week chores. They have to do them, they don't get a choice. IF they do they one their own without complaint they get a star under their name, if I have to nag or go behind them and redo things that were not done then they don't get a star, even thought they still have to complete the work. Stars are worth $1 they can either cash in or use for purchases on their tablets. With once a week chores they can choose to split them up one a day, or they can do them all on Sat, but they have to be done and those they do not get paid for. Chores are part of being a part of a family, they get paid for being responsible about getting them done on their own. (If I just have to remind them once about getting their chores done and then they do a decent job after that they will still earn their star)

I don't have a chart exclusively for my 2 boys; I do have a chores' list and a "to do" list on my refrigerator. Chores my kids have to help me with are colored differently (red and blue): setting & cleaning the table, loading & unloading dishwasher, taking the trash out, clean up toys, dusting, sorting boys' laundry, feed the fish, watering plants, etc.
I try to keep the chores' thing fun and FAST, so we get up in the morning, we take a shower, we prepare breakfast and we start from there, I say: "OK boys, it is time to clean up the table, load the dishwasher, in the meantime I will be sweeping and cleaning the counters....." My boys know, at this point, what they need to be D., so while my 13 year-old boy load the dishwasher, my 7 year-old kid is cleaning up the table, and we all together do our part. It is like being on the same page. We do different things like that: "We have to do this, this and this, so you do this and I will be doing this stuff", things like that and I start immediately doing chores. I set a time for them to have an idea how it will take to do something.
Your routine or chores may vary since my kids are home-educated.
I always remind them, with a smile :), while doing chores TOGETHER, that helping around the house is OUR goal to keep OUR home clean and nice. However, the kids get a little "extra incentive" for those tasks that require an "extra" effort like gardening, weeding, raking leaves or so.
I think this method has been working very well. I always did the "chores' thing" like something "natural", something that is part of our lives.
You may want to start little , do not over do, don't have your children do lots of things in the beginning, just 2 or 3 chores.
Be consistent and do not give up, they will thankful when they grow up!

Oh, um, chores? Well, I haven't really done chores yet. My 6 year old is usually good about putting his clothes the hamper and helping with clean-up occasionally. But my 4 year old, not so much.

What kinds of chores do you have him do? Maybe I really need to step up here and begin requiring more.

In our house chores (jobs) are done before privileges. That includes playing, electronics, going out, ect.

This is why payment for chores is ineffective. Eventually kids get bored and decide the payoff, whether it's money, treats or screen time, isn't worth it.
My kids have basic chores they MUST do. It's part of being a family, we ALL pitch in one way or another. Of course it's easier when you start doing this at a very young age but you can start now. When my kids start to moan or whine or complain I simply remind them, hey, nobody pays ME to wash your clothes or cook your dinner. Kids need to understand chores are for everyone, and mom is NOT a maid!

We don't earn things in this house. Instead, we all contribute to the household economy, and we are specifically responsible for our own things, with assistance if needed.

If they don't put away their clothes or pick up their toys and I have to do it? Well, they are all put in a TO.

I'm not sure what chores you're assigning or if this will be much help for you or not, but I give my daughters lists. They have certain jobs that are just their jobs and they are expected to do them, always, but whenever we have a clean-the-house day, I get a notebook and write down all the specific things that need to be done, by all of us. I let them decide the specific chores they do. Some are obviously for one child or the other and some are specifically for me, but we basically all tackle the same list at the same time, crossing things off as we go. They actually have fun finding something they're willing to do, crossing it off the list and looking for the next thing. They sometimes even try to race each other (which decreases the quality of the work, unfortunately). Whatever they don't want to do, I end up doing, but I'm ok with that as long as some of the chores are getting done and I'm often surprised at what they do or don't pick. They're older now and they've gotten so used to it that they even remind me to make a list if I leave them home by themselves and they try to get the chores done early so that they can spend the rest of the time doing fun things like watching TV or playing with their ipods. As for consequences, we do make them do the chores before doing anything fun and have been known to take away cherished items if they don't get done. The more they don't do them, the more we take away. Really, though, they don't have much of a chance to not do chores (unless they're home alone, but that hasn't been a problem yet), as we just say ok, we're cleaning the house now, or whatever, and they are expected to get up and do it right then and we are working right alongside of them, so it's not like we're cracking the whip while sitting on the couch doing nothing. It's kind of a family thing and when we're done, we get to relax and do whatever we want. Between seeing that we are working, too and getting to have some control over what actual chores they do it really goes pretty smoothly.