Getting Dressed

Make her go to school in what ever she sleeps in. She will be so embarrassed that she'll learn to do it herself

My daughter went through this stage too. Some kids are really slow starters in the morning, and others just don't like to get dressed.

My solution was to put my daughter in sweatpants/leggings and a t-shirt/long sleeved shirt as her "pajamas" and when she woke up in the morning - she was already dressed. Her night-time clothes were comfortable enough to sleep in, and she preferred her "pajamas" to having to get dressed in the morning.

Hope this helps!

T. Y,
SAHM of almost 4 9 yrs, 7 yrs, 17 months and 15 weeks pregnant with baby #4.

Hi L.,

i have a very independent almost 4 year old daughter. When she gives me a hard time in the morning about getting dressed I tell her if she is not dressed and ready for school (or wherever we are going) she can wear her Pajamas. After I tell her that I go about my business. I usually remind her by saying, "oh you decided you want to wear your pj's". Then I tell her well I will be ready to leave if 5 minutes if you change your mind. I am happy to day she has never been out of the house in her pajamas. If your daughter makes it out in her pjs bing a changer of clothes and explain to the teacher what happend and they will changer her for you. I guarantee it won't happen again.

I don't know if this will work for you, bu it's something I saw on "The Nanny", which did work. A woman was having the same problem with her 4 or 5 year old daughter, and the nanny told her to tell the little girl that she needed to get dressed and if she wasn't dressed by the time they were supposed to leave, she would be going to school in her pajamas. I think there might have only been 1 day when she left the house in her pajamas (her mother did bring her clothes with them), but she agreed to put her clothes on before getting to school. I don't think they had a problem after that. Good luck!

I have a friend who says, "You don't have to go to every fight you're invited to." SO I would advise you to stop fighting it - try to reduce your own stress. Take her to school in her PJs - big deal, right? She either will be humiliated at her own stubbornness and will get dressed on her own, or she'll go to school in her PJs. She's really in control of the war right now and she's getting attention, negative as it is.

Don't worry about anyone being judgmental - every mom can sympathize with your dilemma, and many will marvel at your resourcefulness and ability to avoid the confrontation! I doubt anyone will condemn you for sending your kid to school in PJs but if they do, so what?! I cured my son of chronic lateness to elementary school by telling him he could just let me know when he was good and ready to go, but of course, the school rules would require that we check in with the principal upon late arrival so that he could inform her why he didn't think school was important. That solved it. He was a little older than your daughter, but the point is the same -- the kids will torture their parents but they won't break a big school rule.

I'm not sure what the teacher's issue is - is your daughter balking at putting on a coat at school? If so, she can go outside at recess and be chilly, or it won't matter now that the weather is warm. Or, is the teacher commenting that your child is late due to the dressing delays? If so, the problems will be solved if you just take her to school on time no matter what she's wearing.

You can do some simple things like others suggest - choose the outfit the night before, or give a choice of 2 outfits, or give her a time limit to choose and after that you do the choosing - whatever course you opt for, stay with it and be consistent. Once she knows you aren't going to fight her, the war will stop.

You can put a bag of clothes in the car if you want to and send her into class with them, as long as the teacher agrees. Your daughter can dress herself in school or at home, but those are the choices.

Good luck!

Good luck!

Consider getting up 15 minutes earlier and spending some one to one time with her. Put out 2 outfits and ask which one she likes. If she won't choose, do it for her and dress her with love and then have her either do some reading while you make food or she joins you. Sounds like she is screaming for attention, which older siblings do periodically. Be firm but gentle and don't let her exclude her sister when sister wants to join. Doing it for her gives all less stress and if she fights, consider sending her to school in her pjs one day.... just a thought.

Kids challenge us and it is good for our creativity, be strong and loving!

My son is exactly the same age and I had the same problem in the mornings. My solution was a compromise of sorts. He gets himself dressed for bed every night (when I have the time to coax him thru it), after baths and on weekends. But I dress him in the morning because I have a commuter train to catch and have to drop 2 kids at 2 different schools. No matter how calm I seemed, I know he could feel my stress level building, which only made the situation worse.

So...we'll try the morning dress routine again when he's 5. For now, I went the stress-less route.

Good luck!

C.

No seems to have mentioned that she is in competition for your attention with the 2 year old. Make her the "big" girl and give her jobs and rewards that fit the task. If you get your self dressed in time you can pick out Mama's earrings today or necklace. Or you can pick the breakfast cereal etc. Also, is she able to help the 2 year old with getting dressed? When you are dressed you can help me with your little sister r you can choose her clothes or shoes etc. Anything to show who is big and able and who is little and needs help. Good luck.

Yeah her teacher is right it is time to start dressing herselsf. Just remember these skills take time so if she hasn't done it or doesn't know how she's not going to do it all the sudden. Take it steps if you can to try just putting on her shirt. If she does know how plan something with the kids when your husband is home. Tell if she doesn't get dressed she's not going and stick to it. When the time comes to leave just take the little one. I know it doesn't sound nice, but following through is everything. I imagine such threats are idle when it's something you have to do so then you have no choice but to cave and help her. Though I also liked the idea of keeping her in her pj's as suggested. Good Luck!

Hi L.,

I agree with Diane B., below. Right now the power struggle is over who will dress your daughter, and she's winning. the only way to win that battle is to change what it's about. Tell her that she can wear whatever she wants (a win for her), but that she'll have to wear what she's in when it's time to leave for school, no matter what (a win for you). If she doesn't have anything on when it's time to go, put her in a big, ugly t-shirt, or a funny outfit from Salvation Army (like a grandma dress). ha-ha
Good luck!
J.

Hi L. - you've got lots of advice already, but I did want to add something since I am going through this with my 4 year old son. First, his pedi indicated this is not a battle worth having - especially first thing in the morning. So, with my son, I backed off somewhat. Everyone morning I suggest he pick out his clothes and get dressed. Most days he will do that, so if he then balks at dressing himself, I offer to get him undressed if he does the rest. This usually works, except that he does need help with buttons, snaps and socks. If it doesn't work, then I simply help him do it. We also don't come downstairs for breakfast until he's dressed - so if I'm ready and he's not, sometimes he'll hustle to get dressed, and sometimes I'll help him so that we stay on schedule. Just yesterday he dressed himself completely - without being asked. We heaped praise, and put a penny into his piggy bank which he seems interested in filling! I do think that if children know your hot buttons, they will push them, so why not take this issue off the table completely? That being said, encourage her in whatever ways you think, but don't make it a deal breaker. She may surprise you one of these days... good luck.

Well, I haven't had to experience this yet, but I have some books from the Love and Logic Parenting program, and they have a couple suggestions. You tell her when you are leaving and what you need her to do by then (get dressed and put her shoes on). Then leave her alone. Ten minutes before you go you say "sweetie, we're leaving in ten minutes. You can go with your clothes on your body or in this box." Then when it's time to go, if she's not dressed, you say "oh, I guess you chose to go with your clothes in the box." Then you leave, with her dressed in whatever she's in, and let her be the one to experience the consequences of not having shoes or a jacket or no pants on. The book says kids need as many reminders as they are given, and the best thing to do is to let the consequence be the teacher so that Mom doesn't get blue in the face. This all has to be done with only love and empathy, because it's her choice. You bring the clothes with you in case she changes her mind, but it's important for her to be the one experiencing discomfort instead of you. Hope this helps--the books are great, and you can get them at Amazon or at their website www.loveandlogic.com. Good luck!

Try to make a game out of it. The more stressed you are about it, the bigger the payoff for her! Whenever I can't get my 5 year old to do something that he needs to do, I tell him I bet he can't do it before I count to 20 (or whatever number seems suitable for the situation). It works every time! He just can't get enough of trying to prove me wrong. I no longer have the hassle of him not doing what he needs to do. Kids don't like to do things that are not on their own agenda, so you have to make it fun for them. Good luck!

I just borrowed the book 1-2-3 Magic (author Phelan)from my public library that addresses how to get your kids to do what you want, and this issue specifically. check your library...good read so far. Good luck.

First I would like to say that I understand your frustration over this situation.
That being said, it is a war ONLY if you make it one.
Discipline means to teach. Not to punish.
AND whatever you do at this point in time establishes the basis of your parental foundations for the duration.
OK. She is stubborn, has found a way to thwart you, to get attention, to make a fuss.
As a teacher you need to find a method to counteract her behavior.
I am sure you will think of something that can work.
Here is one suggestion.
Lay out her clothes, tell her she has ( whatever period of time you are willing to expend on it) so many minutes to dress herself, then you and baby are going for an icecream.
IF she is not dressed, she will be able to go. ( park, toy store to play with demo toys, whatever outing appeals to her and baby.
Now ,if she has not dressed herself she gets to stay home with whomever you can get to be there....dad, gram, aunt, neighbor ( who is welcome to come along for treat if she dresses herself)
This method has the benefit of a great many variations and I am sure she will not let her stubborness keep her home more than once or twice.
If she doesnt dress herself for the outing you can say ( loudly) too bad sister did not manage to get dressed..we will miss her and think of her while we are eating ice cream.
The child is not stupid, she will get the picture.
Thing is here, she is the one in control and this is not acceptable.
If you live in a warm climate, take her to school in her underwear or jammies once or twice.
It is up to you to sorta harden your heart and take control of the situation.
You could do the more passive thingy, stickers and earned treats but bet my method is faster and more effective.
Best wishes and God bless
Grandmother Lowell

L.,

Why are you making this a battle to pick?? You need to help a 4 1/2 get dressed. You can actually make it fun. Let her pick out her cute clothes, but you need to help putting it over her head, buttons, snaps, zippers or what ever. If your stressed to begin with it only make your little one stressed. So make this one of your things you can enjoy with your daughter. Start on a weekend so she can used to it being a fun thing, so by the time Monday is here she will have caught on that you will help her in a happy way. I mean what a way for her to start her day with you and her fighting. Not good for her or you. She cannot be having a fun day at school starting it off this way and neither can you. So when you start to make it fun, I am sure her day will be delightful at school as it should be. And so will yours!!

D.

I am shocked at how harsh so many of these responses are. We are talking about a 4 year old child, not a 14 year old adolescent. I do not beleive in humiliating children to benifit my own personal agenda. In general, I really try to reward positive behavior instead of punishing negative.

When an adult asks a child to "get dressed" we forget just how many skills and steps are involved in this process. Maybe she is not developmentally ready for that level of complete independence?
Here are some of my thoughts that focus less on being putative and more on success:

Begin with one item of clothing that she has to do independently and then you will help with the rest. Let her choose which one she will put on.

Maybe letting her choose the clothes she wants to wear that day will give her more ownership

Try setting a timer and play "beat the clock"

Have a fun race between the two of you to see who can get dressed first

A sticker chart can work wonders! Give her one sticker for each article of clothing put on independently. If you feel like you need to up the ante let her know that after x number of stickers, she will get a bigger reward (ice cream, date with Mom, etc. - something that will be reinforcing to HER)

Warmly,
L. :>)

Your daughter sounds likemy son who wll be 5 in Nov. I know he can dress himself but most days he refuses saying he can't. It's so frustrating because my 16 month old is almost dressing herself.
On the days we aren't going anywhere I don't push it I just leave the clothes out and tell him to dress himself because I'm not doing it. On the days we have to be out the door I try to make it a race for him and that helps a little bit. But I just tell him he's a big boy and needs to do it by himself. I also give him tons of praise and hugs when he does dress himself.
I know I'm not giving you any great suggestions but I thought I'ld share what goes on in my house and to let you know you aren't alone.
I've told him that if he doesn't get dressed he has to go back to bed because he's in his pj's.

You aren't doing your child any favors by helping her. She can do this and it is an important part of a naturally growing independence. She is using this to control you and get your attention. I agree whole heartedly with the advice to give her ample warning and then take her to school in her pajamas if necessary. Ignore her distress. Attempts to make children's lives happy all the time by giving in to all their demands leave them completely unprepared for real life when they are older. Keep your attitude light and optimistic. Just be matter of fact.

The transition to dressing oneself usually takes place at a much younger age. Toddlers are notorious for wanting to do everything themselves.

Have you taken her shopping with you so that she can help choose her own clothes? Then when you get them home, you can have her choose from two different outfits daily that she's already invested in because she picked them out with you at the store. Make sure they're easy to dress... elastic waists and no buttons, for instance. Nothing with snap buttons or belts. Easy all the way.

Also try to remember that if YOU are stressed about something basic like getting dressed, then SHE will be stressed too. Getting dressed shouldn't be stressful, and it doesn't have to be fun, but it should be something she's proud of.

It's also not completely uncommon for a 4-yr old to be unable to completely dress themselves. My 4-yr old can do the easy stuff but anything with snaps, buttons, belts, ties, etc she needs help with. She's my youngest and wants to do everything by herself, but she still does need help with certain clothing items.

This can be a touchy situation. My son's teacher recommended to us about 4 years ago (when he was 3 1/2) that we just leave the house if he's not ready...pajamas and all! She may be uncomfortable at school in a nighty (maybe pick out appropriate jammies the night before). And once she sees the consequence she'll get dressed in time to get out the door in her favorite outfit! Even if it takes a few days, stick to it!
Good luck, hope this helps!
E. K.