Getting Annoyed!!

I agree. I also feel bad when something I say (that's not meant in a rude, judgmental, or rude way), is taken really personally. I am sometimes afraid to give honest advice.

huh. the site generally strikes me just the opposite! people ask for advice or feedback and then come unglued if anyone offers something they weren't eliciting. and it's very common for someone to respond to the topic being posted on and have the OP blast away because the responder isn't privy to the backstory, which is just illogical.
i think public fora are places for a spectrum of personalities, and that's what i like about this one. i've had some of my best 'aha' moments from comments many sensitive souls consider 'criticism.'
well, it IS criticism some of the time. grown-ups need to learn how to handle that. rudeness isn't okay, but too many of young'uns consider the slightest dissent to be just horrible.
complete love and acceptance comes from friends and family. advice and feedback from strangers on an internet forum will be more varied, blunt and occasionally out of line. no one is forced to ask a question, ya know?
khairete
S.

I come from a long background of fixing other people's grammar, syntax and spelling. But I do NOT do so here. I look beyond those things
for the intent and content. I have a great deal of sympathy for those moms who are brave enough to write their questions here, even while knowing (or, perhaps, not knowing) that their command of written language
isn't as strong as it might be.
Thank you, A..
S.

I think on a site like this, you have to take the good with the bad. Plus, a lot gets lost in translation. I've posted some stuff that has been taken the wrong way. It was never meant to be hurtful or rude, but it came across that way to the person that had posted the question. Thankfully, I was able to explain myself.
I've been on the receiving end of some nastiness. You just have to use a filter. If you don't like it, don't read it. No one is ever going to agree 100% and some people's personalities are just harsher than others.
The post about the spelling, if it's the one I'm thinking of, was sort of dead on. The poster was having problems with her son's teacher and was having a hard time getting the teacher to listen to her via email. In a situation like that, unfortunately, spelling and grammar and very important. So, while I agree that some people can get sort of harsh, you can just sort of take the good and leave the bad.

Public forums are not for everyone, just sayin'.

:)

The one thing that is the most annoying to me is when someone gives an absolute opinion on something you didn't ask for advice on.

Just for example, the person who responded to your post said something about you being a Hypochondriac. O.K. was that REALLY necessary? Did you ask?

That to me was a definite jab.

I see responders doing that a lot.

One thing I will say in relation to this post is that my curiosity was peeked so I reviewed your post about temperature. I might just be truly oblivious or clueless, but I didn't think anyone blasted you. I think when someone asks a medical question and people only have one symptom to go off of, they make conjectures about what may or may not be going on...and such conjectures can be offensive to some. And sometimes people express frustration in not knowing what is going on, so maybe you are picking up on their frustration and feeling attacked. I don't think it's done with ill will though. I've read some truly mean things on some posts, but I didn't get that vibe from the post you are referring to. Which is ok, I could very well be wrong in my perception and if you feel offended by that post, that's ok too.

The thing is, you don't know anyone responding to your question and because of this, they shouldn't be allowed to cause so much distress in your life. You are in charge of that in trying to just let irritating comments go...they belong to whoever posted them, not you. You have enough going on in your life than to worry about someone you don't know saying something offensive. Are they worth you feeling so bad?

I can be a very ineffective communicator in type, so I hope I'm not coming across poorly. I say all of the above with a kind heart and attitude that you more than likely don't deserve to feel this bad and certainly not about what people you don't know say on this forum.

I know everything I said is unsolicited so apologize. I just have a different view about this topic and thought I'd share because it keeps me sane (well, relatively speaking!) and not so hurt:)

I think you just have to take it all with a grain of salt. I don't like "holier than thou" attitudes either and if I choose to respond to a question, I try to be as helpful and constructive as possible - if I can't be, I just don't answer. The bottom line is, this is a public forum and you are going to find all kinds of opinions and "styles" if you will on here. Sometimes I feel the need to be blunt, but I will preface it with, "Sorry if this sounds blunt, but..." or "Not trying to sound rude or judgmental, but..." Honestly, sometimes I am surprised by some of the questions on here - it seems like what they really need to do is talk to their pediatrician, or start reading up on normal toddler behavior, or whatever. Sometimes how things come across when they are written is not how they are intended and it can be difficult to know how to take something that is not spoken instead.

I try to overlook the misspellings and poor grammar, but like someone else said - if you are having issue with your child in school and trying to help them with subjects like reading and spelling, or trying to communicate with the teacher via e-mail and writing, it might be helpful if you brush up on your spelling, grammar, punctuation, etc. But I suspect that some moms on here don't have English has their primary language, based on the words they choose and incorrect use of grammar and such, so why make them feel bad?

I try really hard not to come across too harsh or blunt, but sometimes one just has to call a spade a spade, and that's it. Nobody wants to be criticized or be made to feel bad, but sometimes, some people might need a wake-up call and just be told how it is. Sometimes I think moms go on here saying they are looking for advice, when really they just want validation, and are looking for others to simply agree with them.

It would be nice if all responses were thoughtful and polite. They aren't. That seems to be a simple fact of modern life. Some people, secure in their anonymity, try to make themselves feel better/smarter/holier by passing judgment others, but that's a dark mark on them, not on the recipient, unless she internalizes it.

And if it really doesn't apply to us, we generally DON'T internalize it, we can just shrug and let it stand there reflecting on the rudeness of the poster (or we can flag it as inappropriate). If it stings, we are feeling a snippet of truth, and the truth can hurt. So we can look at why it stings, and do something about it. It might be useful information.

As lovely as it would be to live in a perfect world filled with nice people, no amount of wishing or educating will really make much of a difference. Requests like yours are posted every few weeks on mamasource. There will always be rude, inconsiderate, self-righteous people. And sometimes, "they" will be us. The only person we can reliably change is ourselves. This may mean growing a thicker skin, or being more realistic about our expectations. When we argue with reality, we're going to lose. Every time.

A.:

I too am new to the site. This is a public forum. Expect answers you will like and don't like. You are the first person I've responded to. You won't be the last. I was referred to this site by a good friend of mine and will enjoy getting asking and answering questions!!!

Some people can say it nicely - others just come out and say it. Many have NO INTENTION of being rude. Others? Well, Others just need to be mean. I don't know why - but they do.

I've looked at your previous post and don't feel that the poster you were referring to was rude - I think your response to her was rude and mean. You asked a question in a public forum - expect to get answers you like and don't like. I personally think that taking your temperature is weird - and THAT IS MY OPINION!!! Does it make it wrong? NO. Its MY OPINION. Take it or leave it. Be like a duck and let the stuff you don't like roll off your back or maybe learn something from it.

Like life, it's not all happy-happy-joy-joy. People need to expect to hear things they don't want to hear. If you can't handle that - then this might not be the site for you....

What YOU think is a criticism is NOT - it's another's way of thinking or expressing themselves. That's what makes this site soooo great!! You might actually learn something. Acknowledge something about your behavior (and that's a hard thing to do!!) and maybe change it. I know my GF who recommended it said she's had some "ah-ha" moments from people telling her what they think....

You ask a question you have to be prepared for various responses. I read your last post and I don't get why you are so offended why someone questioned why you take your temp everyday. You are the one who offered the info. You could have taken it s an opportunity to talk about how you think your health is important you may have sparked some curiosity.

EDIT: In response to your edit if you know your health is that bad and obviously we have no clue because we are asking why are you charting your temp then instead of getting defensive GO TO YOUR DR OR THE ER as you stated you need to. We have no clue and based on what most of us know taking daily temp is for charting a preg. This is why I don't understand why you are getting upset. We are moms with basic knowledge of our own health! You didn't state you have a health concern you already talked about with your Dr. I don't mean to be ignorant really I just don't understand why you are getting so upset with us.

And for the Moms who are afraid to post a question, don't be just be afraid to ask a question just be as detailed as possible because we don't know you or your situation and I really think most of us care and want to try to help I mean isn't that why we all come here regularly?

A., you keep taking your temp. I didn't go back and read your other questions, but more power to you taking care of your health.

Yes, some people are rude here - I hope you don't encounter too many. I have to admit I don't understand when someone asks for opinions as to whether or not they are right or wrong, or if they should feel a certain way, that they get mad when you give them an answer they didn't want. They asked, for crying out loud!

Welcome to the site - glad to have you!
Dawn

A.:

This is a public forum. When you ask a question - don't expect peaches and cream all the time. If you don't like what people have to say - you can take it with a grain of salt and press on.

If you read my response to you - I did NOT call you a hypochondriac, I specifically stated "it is almost like a hypochondriac." I do not feel I criticized you. In a forum like this - you are going to interpret things the way you want - whether it's meant that way or not since you can't see the person's face, hear their voice inflections or anything like that. So next time you get a response that doesn't bode well with you - take it with a grain of salt or like several posters said "be like a duck and let it roll off your back."

Updated

A.:

This is a public forum. When you ask a question - don't expect peaches and cream all the time. If you don't like what people have to say - you can take it with a grain of salt and press on.

If you read my response to you - I did NOT call you a hypochondriac, I specifically stated "it is almost like a hypochondriac." I do not feel I criticized you. In a forum like this - you are going to interpret things the way you want - whether it's meant that way or not since you can't see the person's face, hear their voice inflections or anything like that. So next time you get a response that doesn't bode well with you - take it with a grain of salt or like several posters said "be like a duck and let it roll off your back."

I think that if people post questions on public forums they need to be prepared for MANY different personality types answering these questions. Some people are sweet and kind and others are just more blunt. As a woman, I know that sometimes I am just in the wrong mood to answer questions and you should hear me talking to myself when I read certain things. In those instances, I TRY to hold back and not say anything. That's what makes this site so great. You can pick and choose the answers you like and for those you don't like, let it roll off your shoulder.

I think you got a lot of GREAT advice about your temp question. Try to focus in on those if it helps you feel better about the world.

There are like two other posters that just asked similar questions today, only one was the opposite of your question. So there are both sides. Personally, I don't really think that there are any rude people on here, just heated topics where people get a little too passionate.

Women love to give advice and often if you disagree, you can view it as rude, a put down, or overly judgemental, or just view it as a different opinion that you disagree with. I prefer to think that people are in general good and mean well, rather than jumping to the conclusion that they are out to get someone.

I saw your "temperature" post, but didn't respond, as I had no advice to give you. I do think it was a reasonable question to ask and understood why you would ask. Seems to me you were simply concerned about your health and asking if anyone else had a similar experience. Good for you for realizing that if you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of your family! What I don't understand is why you thought anyone was responding negatively. I went back and looked at all your responses and couldn't find anyone who was blasting you. Maybe I missed something?
We all have problems that others are going to think are silly or signs of instability. What we all long for is validation. Sometimes just being able to verbalize our issues and knowing that caring women are listening and willing to share is enough to solve the problem. I try to keep this in mind whenever I respond. Keep on posting whatever you want advice about. It will keep you mentally healthy!

I had someone say my question was stupid! And that was one of the first responses I got...talk about disappointing! That comment has been removed..i didn't know you could remove comments.

I agree. I got scolded by a mom because I was giving my baby rice cereal at 5 months per my doctor's advice and another mom was just plain pedantic. If you can't say something constructive or helpful, then don't reply to people's posts.

Agreed! If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. We are here to support each other. Well said.

Your awesome for posting this! This is a great site but there are some that just enjoy making others feel worse. Most people are at their wits end and just want to vent and get some real comfort from others who may have experienced the same thing. To add to your post, there is no reason to compete for "I had it worse" because everyone handles their situation differently and should be understood. Thank you for sharing your thoughts! (((BIG HUGS))) for anyone who needs one today :)

I completely agree with you. I hesitate to post questions here because I don't want to be blasted or criticized. I just want some helpful information. We are all just trying to get through the day the best we can. We should be able to lean on each other for support.

If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all. Someone is looking for support and help. If you can't handle their spelling or you think they're being nuts just don't respond to their post. It's really not that hard.

I think people forget to treat others as they want to be treated. They don't think about how they come across when they post and how they would feel if someone responded that way to them. I fully disagree with those who said you have to take the good with the bad, that's what you get when you post on a site like this etc..., good manners and compassion for others should extend to all parts of your life, online or otherwise, with strangers or friends.

We wonder why there isn't more solidarity amongst moms, amongst women. This is why. You don't have to cut someone down to make yourself feel better. Try being kind and you'll find that others will respond in kind. Pay it forward. We need each other.

I have noticed some of the "rude " answers they dont read the whole question. I have gotten some answers I found offensive but dont care enough about what idiots think. and I had one I took real personal and told her so in my what happened and she ammended what she said to the point I understood it was a misunderstanding but still didnt agree with her :)

Totally agree!

If you can't say anything nice...or helpful or supportive...then don't say anything at all. Rude comments are a waste of everyone's time.

I love what you wrote. Moms need to stick together and be helpful to one another. Not make others feel badly.

I COMPLETELY agree, there are a lot of mom's on here who seem to think it's okay to be mean or to some extent bully. I find myself over explaining a question to avoid being attacked. We are all in this together and just because you can't see the person on the other end doesn't mean you have the right to attack. Isn't this what our teenagers our going through on social networking sites with bullying right now? If we don't want it for our teens we shouldn't want it for ourselves. We are all people and we all make mistakes it's our job as mom's and human beings to be understanding of that fact especially since we don't know what is going on for that person on the other end of the question. Great Post-Thank you!!

Very well said and so very true. This was a good positive, venting msg. I think 'we' sometimes forget others thoughts and feelings. Have a wonderful day.

I see you've gotten a bunch of responses (when you said you didn't need any-lol!) but I figured I'd throw in my 2 cents. First, if a hypochondriac took their temp daily and noticed a sustained drop over a period of time, I'd hope they'd go to a Dr. about it. Who cares if they're a hypochondriac? If their temp is abnormal (and they happen to KNOW it for a fact!) then good for them! When my kids were born, I took their temp every day to know about what it is (and at various times). These days, I occasionally take it when they're healthy but it's more when they seem to be acting a little off. I never considered it with myself, but I've taken it when I feel a little different than normal. I saw it as a great tool. How many people really know what their temp is normally? 98.6 is an *average*! There are some responses I've given that have been a bit harsh, but it's when I really believed the person needed to hear that. I felt I said it the best way possible, but I certainly didn't coddle. And I don't really care that it's a public forum, I'm with you-we should at least be nice to each other here, understanding we're all looking for help from other moms. With my thyroid-my temp fluctuates when I'm not taking my meds (if I forget). I can be freezing cold and then do something and be roasting hot within just a couple of minutes. Or I can feel warm, and take my temp and it's normal, but for me that was high because it was usually low. I just didn't know b/c I didn't take it. Whatever it is, I hope you get it figured out.

lol, Ronnie I was JUST typing the exact same AMEN sista when I saw your post. Well said :) A., I couldn't agree more. Moms need to support each other, especially on days when it feels like everyone else in the world doesn't!

I 3rd everything you said. Even though I am relatively new here and don't quite understand everything (lingo and such), I've seen some rude people too!

I 4th it. I may disagree with someone or be blunt, but I usually say "i'm going to be blunt" before I do it. Some moms just blast people. We don't have to type everything we think, but sometimes people just don't have filters - which I think we run into in "real life" but there are MORE of us here :)

I second everything you said

I totally feel you! I've gotten one or two responses from snotty mom's out there too, but I don't let myself get stepped on and just snap back. But I would never do it firsthand. There sure are many mom trolls out there(Troll is a term used for someone who harrassess/nit-picks/is rude to others online!)

I missed that question-but if it is something you feel you should do-then you should do it! I hope you stay well and best wishes to both your Dad and your friend. Take care!