Getting an Infant to Sleep Somewhere Other than Your Amrs

Get a sling to make holding her easier. Don't put her down unless you have to. Get a friend to come over and hold the baby while you do a few things. Babies grow fast, and this time will seem like it's dragging, then one day you'll blink and cannot believe it is gone and she is talking.
Best wishes!
Read about attachment parenting by Dr. Sears.

N.,

Then hold her! She is a precious little 3 week old baby. Relax. Enjoy it. She will grow out of it, but for now, it's okay.

Hi N.,
I have a 4 week old son who randomly gives me fits with the same thing. I've had success letting him fall asleep on my chest (tummy down) and then putting him to bed on his back. Having him in this position also makes it easy to get out of a seated position and bend over his crib, easing him down to the crib with minimal change to his positioning.
I've also read that all babies have deeper sleep on their tummy and therefore don't wake as easily after falling asleep.
It's been pretty successfull for me, you might give it a try!!
L.

There is nothing wrong with occassionally holding your baby until she falls asleep but I have four children and made that mistake with my oldest. He was 3 mos old before I put him in his own bed. He was smart enough to know the difference and now I see my first granddaughter doing the same. It's a hard thing to do but the earlier the better. Believe me! I have a girlfriend who didn't listen and her 12 and 13 year olds still sleep with them. Not good for a married couple. You may have to let your little girl cry it out the first time but after that, it will be good. If you're worried about leaving her, put her in a bed in your room but still by herself. You'll be glad later. Good luck~ S.

N.,
We had the same issue. A friend gave us the book, "The Happiest Baby on the Block" and it really helped. Swaddle her super tight (no room to move), rock and jiggle her, use shushing or white noise and if she'll take a pacifier (my daughter wouldn't)give her one. The idea is to recreate the comfort of the womb.
Good luck!

I had the same problem with my little boy. I tried a lot of the ideas I've read in other responses. Nothing worked for me. He would cry when I put him down (whether just for a small rest or for sleep.) A swing was the thing that finally got him to start sleeping, but it really could anything. He was almost 3 months old when he would lay down without crying. It sometimes just takes time. I know how hard it is though.

At 3 weeks old, the baby should be sleeping with you and nursing at night. Dr. James Mckenna has done some wonderful research on co-sleeping. I am a nurse and a midwife. I just went to an excellent conference on the benefits of shared sleep. The risk of SIDS is actually less with a co-sleeping breastfeeding baby. If you are a smoker, it is not advised. Also, don't sleep with your baby on a water bed or a couch. Unfortunately, the American Academy of Pediatrics has not jumped on board with the recommendation, but there is a lot of politics involved there. The fact remains that SIDS is called "crib death" for a reason. Over 90% of cases occur in cribs!

I read about an idea once that I never had to use but it sounded good. If you put a heating pad in her bed 10-20 mins before you are ready to put her in bed, that will make it warm and simulate your body warmth. Try also to put her down when she is really mellow right before she goes to sleep so she will learn how to fall asleep on her own. Good luck and enjoy her being little.

Hi N.,
Little babies love the fetal position. They also love your scent, warmth etc. Yes, in a perfect world we could all hold our lovies all day so they would sleep the perfect sleep.

That said. This is your time to start transitioning her to the end result of where you want her to sleep. I wanted my babies in a crib for sleep, so that was always my goal.
I started with a "bouncy" seat that fully reclined. I kept it next to me. I would sit baby upright after feeding them, then once he drifted off & was asleep for about 10 minutes I would ease the seat to more of a recline. ( I could never fully recline my first because he had reflux, so he slept upright most of the time)
At 2 months I started putting the bouncy in his crib for naps & at night. At 3 months I took the bouncy away & put him directly in the crib (I elevated his mattress just a smidge with rolled towels) At 4 months he was sleeping through the night (10 hours) He sleeps 12 hours a night now at 20mo.
Make sure to only use the bouncy when you want them to sleep, otherwise they could get a flat spot on their head from being in it too much. Offer tons of tummy time & play time flat on the floor so they get used to stretching out.

You will soon learn the difference between a "fussy cry", "attention cry", "pain cry", "hungry cry" etc

That will help you a bunch. 3 weeks is still a bit young yet.
I felt that as long as it was just a fussy cry it was ok to let them fuss awhile. Basically I did a modified CIO. They would eventually go to sleep in their non-favorite position.
Bedtimes are a nice time now for us. Time to read books & cuddle. Never a battle.

Good luck!
Becky R

N.,
My daughter is now 8 months old and when she was your daughter's age, I thought I had the same 'problem'. My grandmother even told me that I should just enjoy it because she'll grow fast and won't want to be held anymore. It's true! I really miss our 'cuddle' time now.
Anyway, you might want to try letting her sleep in her carseat, bouncy seat or similar warm and cozy location. Since she is only 3 weeks she still has a strong memory of the womb. Most babies will enjoy being swaddled but I believe it is the combination of being swaddled and then lying flat on their back that is not entirely comfortable. She is just not used to being unfolded.

Dear N.,

You baby has your number!! I have had 5 kids, am 71 now, so listen to me! ( tee hee)
Any baby will awaken when put down, that is natural. You just need to ease her a little bit, if she wakes up. Of course she wants to stay in your arms, so you must make her bed seem just as comfortable! Keep a blanket edge tucked into her little fist as you are rocking her, or holding her. Keep part of the blanket snuggled around her, too,not too tightly, to make her feel like it is part of you, or part of a comfort zone. Put some of your perfume fairly near the head of her crib, to smell like you.
I also used to very lightly tickle the area around her eyes, with my fingers, to relax her. All my kids loved that.
Hope any of this helps you. I remember how hard it was to get them to sleep!
Good luck.
Jan

Hi N.! I have a 5 month old and what worked for him is that we had a sleep positioner, but what he really liked is that it had a button that you could push that would put out a heartbeat sound and from what I have read babies really like that and it comforts them. I know that at Babies R Us they have all kinds of things that you can get for the crib that put out this sound. I know those first weeks can be very rough! It will get better!

Hi N.,

I am a mom of a 2 yr old. When my daughter was smallwe had problems getting her to sleep in her bed but she'd sleep in her infant carseat so we put her carseat in her crib and snuggled her up in it to sleep for a few months. She loved to be curled up like in your arms but NOT swaddled. She slept this way for a month or two and then we worked her into her bed.

K.

I found an excellent book that really helped me. It's called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Mark Weissbluth, MD. It's helped me so much.

Hi N.. I have 2 boys and both had to sleep in a seat called the Fisher Price Cradle Rocker Seat. It is a hard plastic base, with a soft padded body, and handles to use as a carrier. The one I have can be used to bounce the baby in it. I actually put my children in it then set it down in the crib for them to sleep. Their pediatrician said it was fine and it was 100 times better than how some people end up putting their babies to sleep on their stomachs. Once my sons were old enough to want to become more mobile (around 3-4 months) I switched them over to the crib, and allowed them to cry it out; that method of leaving them for a few mins, then checking on them at longer intervals, worked like a charm with both of my boys; by the 3rd night, they would fall asleep on their own. Their pediatrician advised that crying it out is safe around 3-4 months for most babies. Anyway, if you have any questions about this, feel free to email me back. I know the debilitating lack of good sleep that you get with your baby in your arms constantly, so I completely understand.

E.

Hi N....I love your name (my daughter's name is N.!!) I have twins...when they were infants I would swaddle them and put them to sleep in their infant seats. It seemed to work well, they liked the closeness of the seat..it was almost like someone was holding them. It worked for me...just a suggestion. As far as her schedule goes..that will come in time...she is still trying to get used to being in the world and not in her cozy, warm, dark enviroment of your womb... Good luck and enjoy your baby...

Hi N.!

I just wanted to give you some reassurance that what you are doing and what your baby is doing is completely normal. I'm sure it can get very tiring holding a baby all the time, but really for the first few months they really need that cuddle time. I have a 15 week old baby girl and a 3 year old boy. My little girl did very well sleeping in a swing and her bassinet because they were more enclosed spaces rather than a crib. Have you tried a swing or a bouncy seat that vibrates?
The swaddling usually helps a little bit, but if she starts to wriggle out of it you could try swaddling her below her arms. We did this with our daughter for almost 3 months and she did pretty well sleeping. If you ever need a break though make sure your husband or whoever takes over for a little while. You can drive yourself bonkers if you are the only one caring for your daughter 24/7! As far as a schedule goes, your baby will not be on one for a long while most likely. It will constantly change until she gets a little older. Having a routine will help though by just continuing to do the same things over and over-that will make your baby feel comfortable and safe. If you need anymore help you can always email me at ____@____.com name is K. and I live in North Olmsted-I grew up in Parma!

Good luck to you and congrats on your new baby girl!!! I hope I helped a little bit?

Take care-
K.

Have you purchased a swing yet? If so, then I recommend that when she starts to get sleepy, you swaddle her in a shirt that you wore yesterday (provided you weren't running a marathon or painting the house in it!) and put her in the swing. The constant motion and the comforting scent may be enough to send her into slumber and allow you to get some other stuff done!

Hi N.,

Sometimes, when you are holding her and want to set her down, slide your hand up to cover the back of her head and neck so when you go to lay her down it's a smoother transition to the crib. Don't fret, I am sure she does some sleeping other than in your arms. As far as getting her on a schedule . . . she's only 3 weeks old. My 6 month olds aren't on a definite "set schedule" yet. They're just babies . . . things change constantly with them . . . just do the best you can, it will all work out. Enjoy her . . . she's only little like this for such a short time.

Take care and Good luck!

All I can say is this...she is three weeks old. You have to "train" her to do what YOU want HER to do. She may cry...it's OK. Like my pediatrician told me.."no baby ever died from crying.." She'll get the idea that she cannot sleep in your arms. It may take a couple days, but she WILL adjust. Good luck!

Try a swing. When she wakes up is she screaming? If not just let her lie there. Even if she crieds a little she'll be fine.

HI. She wants to hear your your heart beat. There is a bear that simulated a mothers heart beat. I got it at wal-mart a few years ago, however I can't remember the name of it. It was in the infant dept. Ask there or even check babies r us. It worked wonders for my kids. Just remember it's ok if she's awake when you lay her down. It's actually better in the long run to put her down awake. She'll then learn to comfort herself. It's ok if she cries alittle. She'll catch on.

Hi N.,

I know it may seem hard but the best thing you can do is to break that bad habit as soon as you can. Your baby will be cranky but you've got to let her learn to sleep on her own. Just lay her down where you know she will be comfortable and lay with her until she goes to sleep. I am more then sure she will put up a good fight, but that is because she only wants to be held. She will get over it and will be just fine.

Try getting a baby sling (such as a Ring Sling) I've used one with my baby, who is now 4 months old, and it was a lifesaver for getiing things done and allowing him to sleep. You can find them on the internet- I got mine from someone local (New Lebanon)- you can visit her website at Fireflybaby.Com

Good Luck and hang in there!
R. M

My son is now 2 but when he was a newborn he only slept in our arms as well, what seemed to work was holding him until he slept them put him in his car seat and buckled him in and rocked that a few minutes if he stirred, he slept the first time we did this for 6 hours straight. We just placed the car seat in his crib. It also helped significantly when he had reflux symptoms because he was propped up and couldn't roll over. During the day I tried one of those carrying contraptions to hold him to my chest but it didn't work that well for us. Good Luck!

J., springfield,OH
I'm the mom of a 2 year old and one on the way in January.

If you're trying to lay her down on her back, that's probably the culprit - it's very exposed and vunerable, not to mention not comfortable. It will also make any gas pains worse if baby's on back.

The AAP will not endorse sleep positioners because they are a suffocation hazard. Tummy sleeping is safe (has nothing to do with SIDS, I can post the data if you want), and baby will probably sleep longer and better that way.

Good luck!

EDITED 09/23: I wanted to include the information on SIDS since so many people haven't researched it...

After a decade of research on SIDS, I can confidently tell you that BTS has NOT reduced SIDS deaths, and yet the media continues to not only put a false sense of security in the minds of new (and veteran) moms, but also scare moms to the point of truly believing that they must wedge their rolling children because the minute they get on their tummies they will die.

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Here's more information so that each mom can make an educated choice (information that you can find on an Internet search):

There is less than a .5_STRONG> (yes, that's POINT five) chance of SIDS from even a newborn tummy-sleeper. You actually have a higher risk of injuring or death to a child in an auto accident by age five than your baby suffering crib death.

Several factors can be attributed to the "drop" in SIDS statistics: parents became more conscious about removing stuffed animals, pillows, and fluffy blankets from cribs, thus eliminating true suffocation deaths; and the medical profession is now under much more rigid standards to be more specific on the actual cause of death in infants. It used to be that any death, unless obvious trauma, to a baby was simply called SIDS. SIDS is not suffocation, heart defects, other physical abnormalities, or any other health issue - doctors don't know exactly WHAT it is...

More and more studies are being released that indicate SIDS may be genetic - which means it doesn't matter how your child sleeps, if the gene is present, there's frankly nothing a parent can do about it.

Recent studies and in the May 2005 issue of Pediatrics magazine, they showed that the reduction in SIDS deaths was not due to BTS but rather in a stringent campaign forcing States to find a cause of death in newborns instead of just labeling it SIDS. http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/news/fullstory_24409.html

Another study came out in February of 2005 from Cambridge University showing a correlation between maternal levels of alpha-fetoprotein (AFP) and SIDS. Women with the highest AFP levels were three times likely to have a baby die of SIDS.

Keeping your child at a comfortable temperature and keeping the crib free of obstructions is common sense. Remember - SIDS is NOT suffocation.

Before the BTS campaign, we were TOLD to put babies on their bellies. Then about a decade ago, that got switched to recommending ONLY side-sleeping. Then this BTS stuff started. So you see, the next publication could revert back. It's frankly up to each parent, and just like any recommendation, parents must do research.

Babies have died from SIDS on their backs AND bellies, at home AND in hospitals, and even in their mother's arms. Believe what you will, but I (like many others, medical professionals and parents) am absolutely convinced that the position that a child sleeps in has nothing to do with SIDS.

And of course, there is a contradicting argument to virtually every statistic you will read.

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"...Further more, much depends on how statistics are gathered. Until recently most autopsies on infants were carried out in a haphazard fashion. Often, no autopsies were performed. Now, in most parts of the western world, strict criteria are applied and autopsies performed by specialist teams. Many cases that previously would be considered as qualifying for the diagnosis of SIDS are now excluded. This artificially reduces the incidence compared to pre-autopsy and specialised consideration times. To accurately follow recent trends one needs to look at the overall infant mortality rate. This is the bottom line and cannot be easily manipulated."--Dr Kalokerinos MD (Medical Pioneer of the 20th century p178) - from http://www.whale.to/vaccine/quotes18.html

"...In summary, this study has shown that infants who die of SIDS have a higher proportion of airway smooth muscle in their small airways than age-matched infants who die suddenly from causes no associated with underlying cardiorespiratory pathology. The increase in smooth muscle may contribute to excessive airway narrowing which, along with other factors such as immature ventilatory control mechanisms, may result in sudden death, but the precise significance of this finding remains unknown." from http://ajrccm.atsjournals.org/cgi/content/full/160/1/313

"...The tragic mystery (MYSTERY - meaning there is NO CAUSE OR CURE - my words) of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) is a bit closer to being solved. New research shows that genetics may play a role." from http://my.webmd.com/content/article/92/101949.htm

"...A new study has identified mutations in genes pertinent to the autonomic nervous system among babies who died of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) that might explain why they died..." from http://www.docguide.com/dg.nsf/PrintPrint/8848BC53E7ED852...

"...In other words, the more we look for fine abnormalities the more we find. Unfortunately, apart from a few factors such as the recognition of the dangers of cigarette smoking, nothing had been found that dramatically reduces the incidence of the syndrome..." from http://www.pnc.com.au/~cafmr/newsl/kalo.html

I had this quote from somewhere..."Weese-Mayer's own research, published in 2003, found that infants who succumbed to SIDS were more likely to have a certain pattern in the serotonin transporter gene. Serotonin, among other things, influences the regulation of breathing, the heart and temperature. Another study published during 2001 found that a small subset of SIDS cases occurs in babies who have a mutation in a gene called SCN5A, which causes subtle cardiac rhythm disturbances during sleep."

So you see from these studies, genetics and other factors are what are believed to cause SIDS. But alas, no one still really knows! But it is clear to me that sleeping position is unrelated to true SIDS.

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Let me put this in perspective about the misleading stats. For example:

- 10 years ago, 10 babies suffered crib death. No autopsies performed, so all 10 called SIDS.

- Now 10 babies suffer crib death. Autopsies completed - 2 suffocated, three had tracheal abnormalities or other heart/health problems... 5 are mysteries, ala SIDS.

Viola. A 50 eduction in SIDS deaths in the past decade. BTS is taking the credit for it, and it's absolutely no-questions-asked false statistics.

Info regarding this can be found on: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7706456/
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Some sites are connecting immunizations to SIDS, however I am still a strong supporter in childhood immunizations. That's a whole other debate that I'm not interested in getting into.

Why I am such a strong opposer to BTS? I am carrying on the work of my now-deceased MIL who spent the last decade of her life compiling the information contradicting the validity of BTS. She was a brilliant medical professional for over 40 years. Her main concern was mothers getting a false sense of security that their babies could not suffer SIDS if they were put on their backs. That's blatantly wrong, and she wanted her moms to know that.

What are the wonderful results from the scare tactic of BTS?
Some think a link to PPD may be derived from moms not sleeping well at all because their back-sleeping babies can't sleep (why anyone would take an infant that had been snugly curled and secure for 9 months and lay them out on their back is still beyond me). Now there are increasing reports of plagiocephaly (flat heads) and the progressive health problems that can come from it - from poor babies having to wear helmets and all the way to mental retardation from compression of the brain. This comes from forced back-sleeping. We have babies with delayed development - not a big deal, but yet another side effect of forced back-sleeping - they're not developing the arm and leg strength to crawl as quickly as their predecessors. There are also lots of reports on the dangers of sleep positioners - supply and demand, right? These manufacturers are brilliant. Sleep positioners are suffocation hazards and should never be used (the AAP won't endorse them), but the hype over BTS makes a mom believe that her child must be "pinned down" in order to survive, when in effect they are risking crib death.

There are a few sites, and I won't argue that there are many that still claim BTS has reduced the stats. I believe otherwise, and that's my perogative; I, like you, must do what I feel best for my babies and myself.

I highly recommend you read the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child (Paperback)
by Marc Weissbluth. I have read about 6 books and this is the best. My 3rd child finally sleeps like a champ after reading this book.

Michelle - Mother of 4

i know thismay sound nuts but build her a nest. get the biggest fluffiest blanket you have and make a bean bag type cubby hole in it. when my daughter was born i couldnt put her down and went throught the same type of thing as you. i rocked her to bed for about a year even. but when she was about 3 or 4 weeks old and i started to realize my housework was slipping i grabbed a huge blanket and put it in her play penin a big lump with a little "nest" in the middle. i put her in it and shed sleep for a while without me holding her. im guessing it made her feel warm and hugged. i also had her swaddled tight so she couldnt move and suffocate herself. i kept checking on her for my sake but it worked like a charm. good luck to you and dont take all the advice you hear, shes your kid, do what you think is right. J., 25,married mother of 2 1/2 little girl.

She may be doing this because she wants to hear your heartbeat, which she has been hearing so long that she is so accustomed to it soothes her. It may sounds strange but try to find something that simulates the sounds of your heartbeat and she may be satisfied, like a clock ticking or egg timer or I think they even sell things now that simulate a mother's heartbeat just for that reason. My daughter had that problem and we had to hide a little wind up clock in her cradle to get her to calm down.

Enjoy holding your baby, but listen to the moms who said teach your baby to sleep on her own. You may have to listen to some crying for a few days, but it's so worth it when they learn to put themselves to sleep. Put her down at bedtime/ naptime...even check on her a few times by patting or stroking. But leave her where you want her to sleep and she will learn the art of good sleep. The earlier you help her learn this, the happier and more well rested you and she will both be!! One other thing, my little boy was the same way the first few weeks. We ended up letting him sleep on his tummy because he wouldn't stay swaddled. He was more comforted that way. At 7 months, he's a great sleeper and a happy kid!

N. H.
Hello, I grew up in Parma, I'm now living in Willoughby!

Here is an idea that worked for me with my now 18 year old, that I held non stop!!!

Wrap a blanket around the baby from the chest down and tuck in like a little nest. Put a burp cloth on your shoulder. Now hold the child as always to get them to sleep. Wait until good and sound a sleep. Then slowly get up. Walk to the crib and so as not to have too much COLD AIR rush between you place the child in to crip, burp cloth and blanket still around baby, now put a blanket over the child. and they will sleep. They need to smell you hence the cloth and the blanket still feels like you are there!

Good Luck. If the baby awakes rub the back as you would normally do and coo softly. Trust me it works.
Saves your back later too!

C.

Hi N..

I am from England and we have different ways of doing things and some people might not like it but when you try some things and they work then what's not to like.
I started by always putting my son down where I wanted him to sleep so there was continuity and familiarization.

I would put him down and when he would start crying I would leave him for a couple of mins and then go in and stroke his head just to let him know I was around but I didn't give any more attention.

I would then leave again but this time when he cried I would leave it 1 min longer than the last before I went back into the room to again stroke his head.

I would use this method leaving it 1 min longer each time until he went to sleep.

I was told off my Dr to try this and that it would take about three days for the child to realize that this was time to go down. I tried and the first couple of nights was so hard, all I wanted to do was go and hold him and let him know I was there and give him lots of kisses.
By the third night I put him down and guess what? NOTHING!
He lay down even though he was still awake, sometimes he didn't sleep straight away but he was quiet and it was amazing that he just knew it was quiet time.

Before I tried this I checked that he wasn't hungry and changed his diaper and made sure he was fine.

Ever since I tried this My son has slept through the night and even now at 3 years of age I put my son to bed awake, he goes to his room and because it's all he's known he stays their until I WAKE HIM UP.

I really hope this helps. I know you will feel terrible and that you might be doing wrong by your child but all through our lives we are told that children need continuity to learn things so why not start early?

If you would like to talk some more please feel free to contacet me, I am sure I havn't come accross the way I would like to in this email. I really do wish you the best.
As long as you establish sleep time as being a different time to mummy and baby time then you are not neglecting your child.
You need time to yourself to be a good mum and you can't do this with a baby hanging on your arm all day long.
good luck.