Getting 9Yr Old to Stay in Bed W/midnight Wake-ups; Mom & Apron Strings?

Have him try sleeping with a body pillow.

My children aren't autistic but I know how you feel and kids have different needs. I think she was a little younger than 9 but one of mine has always been a needy sleeper so we put a mattress on the floor in our room. That way we weren't disturbed and she knew we were "there for her" but it's a kind of middle ground. Then she just kind of got over it. If he just came and gave you a hug and went to the mattress, would you be able to go right back to sleep? If so, he could do that so again a middle of the road type approach. He gets a brief snuggle but you're not allowing him to act like he's 2 years old. If you couldn't get easily back to sleep, then you have to tell him not to wake you but he'll know you're right there almost next to him.

This is one of those things that he will eventually outgrow. Unless it is a major problem for you, I would let him come in to your room when he feels the need. My husband travels for work and honestly I don't like sleeping alone either.

(My daughter is 13 yo. She had a 102.9 temperature last night and I made her sleep with me. She was the one that asked me if I thought she was too old to sleep in my bed...(my husband was on the couch))

On the occasion that your son wakes and successfully makes it to your bed without waking up you or your husband, does he fall right back to sleep? During those times, do you continue sleeping most of the night without even noticing he's there?

If the answer is no, then this is something you need to work on. But if the answer is yes and he is able to make it to your bed and settle down and all three of you still get a good night's sleep, then the problem is that his behavior is something you believe should change. The problem is not lack of sleep.

I think you should think about whether or not this is really a problem. If this is only a problem because you fear it's a bad thing rather than because you see actual negative consequences, then consider the possibility that allowing your son to come to your bed is one of the many ways you are meeting his emotional needs.

Our 7 year old has Asperger's and he comes to our bed at night. Not all the time. He was in our bed a couple of nights ago (Tuesday night, maybe?). He hadn't been there for several weeks. We know that when he comes to our bed, it's because he's feeling stressed in some way. We see it as one of the ways he seeks comfort. He's stressed, and snuggling with Mommy and Daddy helps him feel better.

If this is something you can accept about him, I would do that for now. He's not going to want to come to your bed forever.

Can you put a rice bag in bed with him after he's gone to sleep? A gentle warmth. When I want heat I heat my rice bags up about a minute and 20 seconds. Sometimes it's so hot it's too hot. My point with "gentle heat" is maybe 45 seconds in the microwave will help him feel that warmth and stay asleep. I'd put it along him back.

I buy the largest tube socks they make. They're about 18 inches long. I put a full bag of rice in one of them...it was big! I just tied a big knot in the end.

Then when I heat it up I put it in a curve so the heat gets to all parts. Since it's bigger I can put it around my knees, along my back, and more. It is a great size and stays warm so long.

He's not "too old" or doing anything wrong. He's just looking for his parents to snuggle with. That doesn't mean you have to allow it. If he's gong to sleep in your bed, all 3 of you have to be ok with it.

You could try just walking him back to bed each time. you could also try allowing him to sleep on your floor.

Lots of kids go through this phase. I wouldn't read too much into it.

What about slightly waking him up when u go to bed at 10 or 11.. just enough to readjust his sleep cycle so he isn't waking up later

Ugh - I feel your pain. You want them to come to you for comfort but you don't want them to be dependent and unable to self-sooth. But sometimes kids on the autism spectrum have different "wiring" and needs. If they are on medication, sometimes it affects sleep or even appetite (a friend with a son on the spectrum has to put a snack in his room at night because the meds make him hungry - not good for his teeth but he needs the rest more).

It sounds silly, but can you put a picture of you (or you and your husband) next to his bed, and maybe even take an old tee shirt or sweatshirt of yours and stuff it (you can buy a cheap bag of stuffing at the fabric store). Sew or safety-pin the openings and stuff it like a big stuffed animal? Then he can snuggle with it without getting up. Another option would be a little CD player if you can make a soothing recording, either one that's commercially available or one with your voice on it saying, very calmly, whatever needs to be said: "It's sleep time, you can do it, breathe..." We used to have one from a pain control/relaxation clinic that had you imagine you were on a beach, spreading your towel, feeling the sun, and then it went through each body part to relax ("right big toe, 2nd toe, 3rd toe....left big toe, 2nd toe"...on up through the body and jaw and head). We never got to the end of it. Other options are soothing nature sounds (rain, waves). Yes, it's a crutch, but maybe he needs it right now.

You can also put a lock on your door if it won't make him freak out and will just discourage him.

You can also have your husband get up and put him back to bed, since that may work. Feeling loved, to a kid, can also mean your parents insisting that you get some rest so you are healthy. And I commend you for knowing that you have your own baggage and trying to deal with that. Don't overcompensate by doing another "wrong" thing to undo a wrong done to you as a child.

One of my kids, my most *need* in terms of attention because very introverted and finds life difficult at times, is like this. Was not earlier in life - but when became more stressed as school years went on, became like this. Just needed comfort and security. To me, it's a sign. I don't know about Autism and difficulties sleeping - but my child had to go to a child therapist because of his sleep issues. Mine is not on the spectrum at all, but lots of kids have sleep issues for different reasons. Mine has some anxiety and has trouble turning his mind off at night. He keeps thinking of things ... So he does not wake that much - thankfully - once he's asleep we're pretty good. But the odd night for sure.

Mine has a fan, and has to have certain things going to help keep him asleep. The white noise was a biggie.

Also - we tried melatonin which helped a few years back. His doctor suggested it.

How about - this is what I did - you give him that same closeness and bonding - but when it's a more acceptable time, and see if that helps him. If he still wakes and has to come into your room, say you cuddled earlier, you both need your sleep, and put a makeshift bed on the floor. That way if he needs to know you're near, you are. But not in your bed.

I did that with mine when they were preschoolers. Trust me, sleeping on a duvet on the floor was no where near as comfortable as our bed, and they quickly grew through that phase.

But what I liked, was that I wasn't saying no - I was simply saying "Your choice is on the floor on the comforter in our room, or back in your bed.". So they made the choice themselves.

Maybe talk to his doctor and see what's up about the sleep. Our doctor had lots of good ideas but the therapist was really good in our case. Relaxation techniques before bed, etc. Not sure if it would help your child, but something to ask about maybe. Good luck :) Keep us posted

If my kid needs me and if it is every night for a while I want to be there for him. No matter what age he is. I remember when I was between 9-11 years old I had those phases. I still remember this deep love I felt for my parents because they were there for me. We still talk about it.

However, your child will eventually grow out of this but helping him through this phase he likely is coping better with difficulties in a long term.

With autism he is challenged in every day routine so he probably hopes for a save spot without rejection at night.

Maybe you could offer him "Monday" night to let him sleep in your bed and he will compromise with you and stays in his bed the rest of the week.

Have you talked to him about it? I would tell him that he is too old to wake you up in the middle of the night and need to snuggle. That he needs to learn to roll over and go back to sleep on his own. Ask him what bothers him in his room? What is he missing? What would help him? My son likes to sleep with a small light on (not a nightlight but a lamp!). He puts pillows and a couple stuffed animals around him too. He has a special soft large blanket that he always sleeps with. He also likes the bathroom or kitchen light on so when he looks out of his room it does not look pitch black. He is 12. He always had a hard time sleeping too or he would want us to snuggle when he was younger. When we talked we found out he was kind of scared and these things make him feel better. Would white noise help? A heated blanket? A large stuffed animal or special pillow? A heavy, fuzzy blanket? When he wakes up is he cold or hot? I think start an ongoing conversation with your son and try to get his input...and encourage him to help you change this dynamic because he is starting to be too old to be getting you in the night. It will be a process...so just start working on it with him.

There is a lot of research about autism and melatonin (which your body should make naturally to help you sleep, but in some people with autism, for some reason natural melatonin levels are very low). You might talk to your child's doctor about it. It may well be a reason and not an excuse - and a treatable one at that.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24050742