Getting 13 Y/o to Cooperate with Doctors?

One of my relatives works on a pediatrics team - and she sees this quite a bit. There's a psychologist on the team too. They handle this kind of thing.

From just hearing her talk over the years (always in general terms, she doesn't share personal stuff), she has said the worst thing parents can do is turn it into a negative experience - so punishing a kid after (removing privileges) is reinforcing that it's something to dread. I get it - totally - that it's a consequence for mouthing off and being rude. But he will come to associate having a punishment with doctor visits. So instead reward him for not mouthing off - so say "if you can be pleasant or NOT mouth off at all to the receptionist, we'll consider doing .... afterwards". I know that sounds nuts - but you have to start turning this into a positive.

It's kind of the same thing with anxious kids (I had one). You don't say "It's no big deal it takes 10 min' casual way - to them it IS a big deal. You're diminishing their feelings - which to us, doesn't make sense, I get it. To them, it's a HUGE deal. They think you don't get it which further upsets them. Anxiety doesn't make sense - to them it's like a fright and flight (whatever that term is) response. Just remember that. It's physiological as well as psychological. They are not able to control it. They need some coping tips.

That's where a therapist can help. Even 2-3 sessions can turn this around for you. They do work with very specific anxieties. My kid had a very specific one. Coping strategies (breathing for us) helped big time.

But parents - our job was to be positive and encouraging and not diminish what they were feeling. Hope that helps.

Yeah I think he needs to see a therapist about this.
He's effectively throwing a tantrum about seeing any doctor and at 13 this isn't normal behavior.
Whether it's a phobia or not - not seeing doctors could really shorten his life especially if he has appendicitis as an adult and refuses to see a doctor.
Until he's 18 you can make him see a therapist - after 18 you can't.
So make the most of the 5 years you have left to get him over this.
Good luck!

I knew a mom whose 9 year old son acted like this with women doctors. He poured his urine sample in the FLOOR when he found out the doctor was a woman. This boy's mom was such a ridiculous wimp when it came to her kids. They ran her household. If that kid had been mine, I would have worn his behind out.

That being said, I would not put up with this. I don't believe for a minute that this is anxiety. I believe this is behavioral. And I would withhold huge privileges from him when a doctor visit is coming up and tell him point blank that if he as much as looks cross-eyed at people coming into the doctors office, he won't get them for a MONTH. No computer. No TV. No playdates. No sports. No going anywhere with his friends. NO NOTHING.

You need to be stern and tough and determined to make this a showdown with him that you win. Don't talk about why he needs to do it. Just tell him that he will not treat people like this and he will do what EVERYONE else has to do.

My own son would scream when he had to get shots. He was as old as in 5th grade when he was still doing it. Did I let him get out of the shots? NO. The problem is that you have let him get away with this since he was little and he continues it because he knows he CAN.

Get tough on this. If something bad happens to him, it could cost him his life. There are some things you just don't allow, and this is one of them.

I agree with Diane B. To me it sounds like he has a huge phobia of going to the doctor. It would be really good to help him figure this out when he is young by having him see a therapist who specializes in anxiety and fears. My dad, who is in his early 70s, has a fear of doctors and he will put off going forever till his wife forces him to. It's the same with the dentist. He's not pleasant about it and he lets things go because of it.

Wow it certainly sounds behavioral! A therapist seems wise at this point because this can not continue for obvious reasons!!!