Get Rid of Pacifier? - Portland,OR

Don't buy any more & cut the tip off a little bit more each day. You are the parent, it is not an easy job. You must be firm & say no even when it is hard on you too.

work on the potty training and then work on the pacifier. Sounds like a strong willed little girl there (I have one too). If she only uses the pacifier for bed time, I would say give it more time and not to stress over it.

Yeah she's basically telling you how it's going to be and you're letting her. She has screaming fits because it works, she's getting what she wants. If you tell her that it's gone, yet you give in and buy her another one at the store, it's never going to work. We can give you advice all day long on here, but if you aren't going to be firm and stick to your guns, it's not going to do any good. And think about what you're teaching her - throw a screaming fit and no matter what mommy said you can't have, then you can have it because you're having a meltdown. Let me tell you, you're setting yourself up for a devilish 4th year. They get smarter and even more aware of what works and what doesn't.

It's not going to be easy, but I bet it will be about a week of difficulty and she'll move on. But you have to decide, once you take it away, that's final. No wavering back and forth. Do it when you have a week when no one is coming to visit, you're not planning to travel, and she's not sick. Maybe you could reward her with a new toy or something really wants at the end of the week with no pacifier...even if she throws fits all week (that's her learned behavior). Stay firm, tough it out, and don't give her the pacifier...keep calmly reminding her that she gets x at the end of the week and then follow through with it. She'll love the reward even if she fights it all week, and that will show her that you are happy with her not having the pacifier.

I weaned my son at 18 months from the pacifier - because my pediatrician was really strict about it and I thought I had to do everything she said. My daughter is now 22 months...she gets it only in bed and after we go to Florida in April we're going to take it away at night too, the goal is before her 2nd bday in June. It's rough for a few days, but even worse if you tell her she can't have it then give it back...that's confusing and will make her keep fighting even harder for it. Good luck.

The longer you wait, the harder it will be. She screams because she knows you will give in. I know how hard this can be. Our son was a thumb sucker. didn't worry too much about the habit. My BIL is our dentist and told us that most kids give it up on their own. He also said that it could cause dental issues, but that many children have this habit for years with no problems. At his checkup when he was 4, it was discovered the thumb sucking was causing some dental issues. It had to stop. It was even harder because not only was he emotionally attached, you can't exactly take a thumb away. We bought him a thumb guard and tried two nights of cold turkey. It was awful and heartbreaking for everyone. So we took a break and tried a different route. As bad as it may be to some ,we bribed him...you stay two weeks "thumb free" and you can have those legos you want. When he had a slip up we didn't make a big deal out of it. We simply acknowledged that it was a hard habit to break and we knew he was doing his best. We checked out the lego set he wanted at the store and looked at them online before bedtime too. I wanted him to be motivated. Instead of me "taking his thumb away" I wanted him to just give it up. After about two weeks or so, he was fine. He had stopped sucking his thumb and didn't look back. (He still did it in his sleep occasionally, but we didn't make him accountable for that. And that habit stopped pretty quickly).

When I told my friend about it, she admitted to me that at 6 her daughter was also still using her binky. It was a famiy secret, they didn't tell anyone. Her mother said she just kept thinking it would be given up. And at around five her daughter started only using it at night, so she thought it was on it's way out the door. When they went in for a check up with a new dentist, the first thing she said to them was "The pacifier needs to go...today." She said the first two days were the hardest, her daughter was absolutely devastated. They also kept finding her with binkies. She would search high and low for the ones that were lost and hoard them in her room. Her mother also mentioned that her behavior was pretty bad for about a week and it was getting worse. Not only was she emotionally upset, but she wasn't sleeping as soundly as before. So they bought her a noise machine and a snugglie stuffed animal and they also decided to bribe her. Go one week without a pacifier and you'll get that American Girl doll you want so bad. She survived the week, got her doll and didn't miss the pacifier. It's tough, but your daughter will survive the change. Just be consistent and be prepared for a few rough days. Don't give in to her antics. Hang in there.

Just take it away from her sure she will cry but don't give into her tantrum you aren't teaching her anything by giving it to her when she screams. I think you are letting her run the show from the sound of your post it seems she just gave up bottles! Take away the diapers she'll potty train much faster.

Wow, lots of work on your hands with this one, eh?
I have no advice except my opinion, and I think 4 is way too old to be sporting a pacifier, so I think a few screaming fits would be worth getting rid of that crutch for her. Taking away the bottle and potty training all at age 4 is quite a task I'm sure.
Good luck.

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Trying to do it while potty training would be difficult because it would be two big changes as once but I am sure it can be done. At four, she is definately too old to still have the pacifier as well as to not be potty-trained. The longer kids use them the more impact it can have on their mouths (teeth, gums, etc) and speech. At this point, if she won't go for giving them to babies or fairies or whatever, tell her straight up..."You're a big girl now and too big for a pacifier. Only babies need one."

Both my children did have pacifier (much to some family member's dismay). My son LOVED his and you didn't go anywhere without one or you would regret it. He did have his slightly past his 1st birthday but I had already started weaning him. He would go to sleep with it but I would take it away as soon as he fell asleep and stopped sucking on it. As long as he didn't wake up with it, we were golden. By 14 months it was gone (bottle weaned by 1 yr). My daughter on the other hand would take the pacifier early on but took it mostly at nap time or approaching bottle time. By 8 months it was not used at all (she self weaned).

I agree with the other that potty training needs to come first. I differ in opinion about the pacifier, however.
We tried to take it away from our son at 3, and it was horrible. So we gave it back. When we asked our pediatric dentist about it, he said, to just let the child give it up when they are ready, which I wasn't expecting to hear. So we just told him that he was too old for it, and that he needed to decide when he no longer needed it. (We also told him the fairy would bring him a present whnever he decided to be done). Well, he decided at 4 and a half, and has never looked back.
We are now having those same conversations with our 3 year old. I guess for me, it wasn't worth the fighting or drama of taking it away. They are coming to it on their own, and our dentist is in agreement. I have bigger fish to fry than the paci, ultimately.
(I also enjoyed reminding myself when I worried that my sons would not be going to college with a pacifier!)

She does not need it, it is now a habit. She is going to throw a fit, you are just going to have live through it a few days till she gets over it. We did replace the soothing/feeling safe object with an animal from build a bear that she got to pick out. She usd that to comfort herself.

We did the cold turkey thing with my daughter around age 3. It was recommended by the dentist that it was taken away ASAP because it will ruin baby teeth, and can ruin adult teeth too.

As I said we did not tell little stories we just took it away, 'you are a big girl and big girls do not use pacifiers." You are just going to need to be a strong parent and do it, she is not going to do it herself, and may not like it at first but it is time.

We also had a month long chart (4 weeks) where she got to put small stickers on, once for not using it at nap and another for not using it at bed time. We did that for two weeks, and then she got a small $5-10 toy that she picked out from toys-r-us. Then the next two weeks she got a sticker for not asking for the nuk everyday, after two weeks of this she got a small $5-10 toy from toys-r-us again. By the third cold turkey week she had forgotten about it all together and we never looked back, but I did still take her for a toy, just did not reminder her why she got one.

During all this potty training might fall to the side for the month, I would let it and focus on getting the nuk thing over with, then again she might just make the big leap and able to handle it all at once.

Keep it up, be strong and in a month this should not be an issue any more :)

As much as it's gonna suck I would say cold turkey with the pacifier. She's gonna scream and when she begs for it I would just tell her "big girls don't need them" or something along those lines. It can be bad for her teeth so you would be helping her by taking it away. As for the potty training... maybe bring up the idea of starting school and how she needs to go on the potty or something. I guess I'm not much help in that area..I'm still attempting potty training with my 2 year old boy. best of luck to you! God Bless!

It sounds like you might need to push her a little more - almost 4 is a bit old for things like a bottle, pacifier and potty training. We warned my son for about 1 month before he turned three that we were going to be done with the paci at 3...we took them to Build A Bear, stuffed them inside the bear he built, and that was the end of it - he NEVER asked for the paci after...I was expecting a big battle, but he was completely fine (in other words, it was something that we were holding on to to avoid conflict, and we didn't need to even worry about it).

S., as others have said, nearly 4 is quite old for a pacifier as well as not being potty trained (especially for a girl). Without knowing you at all, just your circumstances make me think that your daughter is in charge, rather than you. Screaming fits should NOT be allowed when mom tells daughter what to do.

But don't worry. You can turn it around!

In my experience (4 daughters) the fits over taking the paci away only last for 3 days, after which the child is fine. BUT - you have to be supremely consistent and patient and NEVER give in. Because if you do, you've taught her that screaming fits get her what she wants, and you have to start from square one the next time, and it's not fair to put her through that again (not to mention yourself!).

Like others also said, the potty training is more important now, and there's no reason you should have any diapers or pull ups in the house, much less within her reach. She is old enough to know that we use the toilet, and if you don't you are disobeying and you'll be punished. Rewards and encouragement are for 2 year olds, not smart nearly-4-year-olds. After a couple weeks of being dry consistently, then you set a date for the pacifier being taken away cold turkey (ripping off the bandaid quickly is the best way, right?).

SuperNanny has wonderful techniques and encouragement. You should borrow one of her books from the library. And I don't mean just for the two topics mentioned, but for raising a child in general, especially if I'm right in guessing that she runs the show. You need techniques for raising her and taking the power back so that you can have a child who feels safe and cared for and so you can have some peace.

Blessings!

Put on your big girl panties and take it away mom! IMO a 4 year old does not NEED a pacifier, it is for your benefit, not hers. Deal with the whining and the fussing and get rid of it. She needs to learn to self soothe or she is going to be in a world of pain in kindergarten. I am not trying to sound judgmental but when she is faced with the day to day challenges at school she is not going to have a pacifier to help with the ups and downs. That said there are a few different approaches she is old enough to try the binky fairy. The Fairy comes in the middle of the night and takes all the pacifiers away and leaves a big girl toy instead. With my son we cut the tops off of them. He picked them up and tried them a few times and asked me why it wasn't working. I just said, "hmmm looks like it's broken." He carried them around in his hand on and off a few days and then decided he didn't need them any more. He was only 1 at the time though.

First, make sure she has only one pacifier. Get rid of all the others. (At this point, you'll need to figure out a way to tell her that she can't get more from the store. Maybe something like they don't make binkies for 4 year olds? Whatever you do, do not buyher more binkies.) Then, as suggested below, start cutting off bits of the tip, a little at a time, a little more every few nights. You can tell her that the binky is getting old and is breaking.

I'm guessing your daughter is pretty strong-willed. Ours is strong-willed and has self-soothing issues, so the binky was a _huge_ issue. And, not even the promise of amazing presents from the Binky Fairy could convince her to give her binky up. At around 3.5yo, we started cutting the tip off. At 4yo, she still has the "broken" binky and occasionally asks for it at night. She can only hold it for comfort now, so it doesn't hurt her teeth. This works for us.

And I would only deal with one issue at a time. If potty training is more important, I'd start with that before the binky. That would give you time to get rid of all but one of the binkies.

Good luck!

i am with julia c. we went cold-turkey and it worked but my DD doesn't sound as strong-willed as yours. (well my second is but she's a thumb-sucker so i don't have much say in that one.) anyway, i wish that i would have let it run its course. once she didn't have a pacifier, she switched over to biting her nails. it's their comfort and way to self-soothe and they won't do it forever. if you're uncomfortable with the looks/comments from other people, you can try limiting it to the house or bed.

on the dental angle, it depends on the dentist you talk to. our first dentist was very much opposed and wanted to put in a palette stretcher because my daughter did have a 'binky-face' and her palette had a different shape to it. the second dentist said to hold off and that it would probably fix it self. and it did!

go with the flow mama and do what works for your family!

You want her to grow up and she still needs some time as a little one. Let the pacifier be. She won't use it once she is in kindergarten. She is trying to toilet train which is a big job. Don't push her and she'll succeed in a few more weeks but if you insist on everything your way at once it'll take months.
She gave up the bottle.
Four is a year of intellectual curiosity and widening your world. Do this part with her and the things of earlier times will fade on their own.
Now please go to Powell's and see what kinds of books they have on child development between four and seven years of age.
You need to know more about the phases of child development so you do not worry so much as she moves through them. She might be faster or slower than her age in many kinds of psychological growth or physical development. There is a range which would be so helpful for you to be aware of.

It's hard. Both my kids did paci's. Our daughter was sick and I gave her benedril for the first time. She is not one of those fall asleep on benedril kids she got wired and during her nap bit the tip off all 8 of her binki's. This was at age 2.5 I just told her that she had broken them all and we didn't have anymore. Then I stayed out of the paci isle at the store. I was pregnant and wanted to make sure she wouldn't go after the babies paci so I figured it was the best time to go cold turkey. She only asked about it 2 times after that. My son was still using his at 3+ and we were noticing his teeth pushing forward and he was having some articulation issues so we did the binki fairy thing. He picked them all up put them in a bag and in the morning he had a nice red wagon in it's place. He was so excited for like 6 hours until he was ready for a nap and he drew a picture of a little boy crying and a dragon beating up the fairy that took his binkis. ( at least that is what he said it was) It was a tough run for a couple of months but he settled in and his speech issues started to clear up as well. Potty training is another whole issue. I started my daughter at 2.5 and it took about a year to get it down and at that point I knew she was being lazy about it and I actually punished her. ( I know the books all say not to but I know my kid and I knew she was being lazy and willful. We had enough success to know when she was pushing us.) I took away all her wiggles gear and she earned a piece back for every successful potty trip and lost it again if she had an accident without even trying to get the the bathroom. It took about 2 weeks to be done at that point. You have to take the plunge and get rid of diapers (except at night my oldest peed at night until age 6). I waited to even try potty training with my son until age 3. I put big boy undies on him and he peed his pants every 4 hours so the next day he "watered" the bushes outside every 3.5 hours the next day he went in the potty every other time standing. It litterally took 3 days and he even stayed dry at night. There is such a large range of normal.

If you really want to take it away you will.

Just a question: How often does she use her binky?
Try, looking at her mouth, when it is not in her mouth.
Tell her to close her mouth.
Does her mouth and teeth, close completely? Or is there a 'hole' in between her top and bottom teeth, when she closes her mouth?
If so, the pacifier is deforming her mouth.
This can happen with extended pacifier use.

My son, we got rid of his before he hit 3 years old.
HIS mouth, was getting deformed.
His mouth, when closed, would not close all the way. There was a 'hole' in between his top and bottom teeth (shaped like the pacifier), when his mouth was closed.
It takes even up to 1 year, for the mouth, to revert back to its normal formation. Of both the upper and lower teeth/mouth.

Luckily for him and us, his mouth did normalize.
But after 3 years old, the ability for the mouth structure to revert back to a normal formation... is reduced. And may not happen.
Then you will need Dental and/or Orthodontic work done, on his mouth.

So keep this in mind.

There is the saying: Treat your child, the age they are.

She will find other ways to fall asleep.
My son did.
It only took 2 days for him to get used to being without his binky. He was a trooper about it.
He also has a lovey to sleep with.

Discuss the potty training with your Pediatrician.

HI S.,

we were in the same boat! My son, potty trained late, and was VERY attached to his binky. His dentist kept telling my not to worry about it, that he would give it up on his own schedule. What worked for us was that he saw 2 prizes in the dentist's treasure box he wanted. (Kids are allowed one toy at each visit). The receptionist promised to keep the other toy for him to use as his "bye-bye binky" prize.

HE chose the day (it was several weeks later) and it went really smoothly. He did go back and forth a couple of times, picking a day, and then changing his mind, which was just fine. Because he felt in total control, and I wasn't worried it went really well. We explained that once the binky was gone, it was gone forever, and from grandma's house, too.

Relax, talk to your dentist, and set up a reward she'll work for. It will come with time. My son at one point had to have three to go to sleep -- on in his mouth, and one for each hand!

When the day came to give it up, he was excited, proud, and we had about 30 seconds of sad whimpering the first night at bedtime, and that was it. He was four and a half at the time.

Don't worry, no one goes to college using a binky! :-)
C.