Fustrated by a 6 Year Old!

It's ok to let her cry it out...Maybe you can create something intereting to do...Like write a script for a play and perform it for her. Or write a story. Or sing a song. That works with my younger sister.

I find reading parenting books helps me with making decisions on how to deal with children's problems, and it helps me feel less guilty when disciplining is necessary. It could be she needs to start winding down earlier, maybe she's tired or maybe she's hungry? I have melt downs when I am tired and hungry.

Also you have the right to tell her it drives you nuts, when she cries for no reason and that she needs to settle herself down. She needs to be able to settle herself down. And maybe crying it out is the best. I also think the dietary advice might be useful. Looking at all angles of her life will help solve this problem.

www.loveandlogic.com They have some wonderful books/CDs, etc. It's almost comedy and it makes it so much more fun to parent. They have some awesome scenarios and what you can do

I would pull out my book specifically on temper tantrums (I've never had experience with this, fortunately, none of my kids did this...not saying they won't.), but a friend of mine borrowed my books. My favorite book is 'Love and Logic Magic When Kids Leave You Speechless'.

One of my friends is dealing with something like what you are going through. Her son has recently been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, ODD and Bi-Polar. You might want to check with a Psychiatrist about her behavior. Good Luck!!!

I have to tell you, I understand exactly how you feel. My daughter (6 in August) does that exact same thing. For example, I asked her to change her panties yesterday while getting dressed. She started to stomp & wave her arms like a chicken, scream and cry. All I asked her to do was change her underwear!!!!!!!! I've tried everything too. I've sent her to her room when a fit starts, I've tried spanking her, ignoring her (wooooo boy that one is hard), you name it, I've tried it. Recently, I've started singing at the top of my lungs when she starts. My 3 year old finds it funny & it keeps me from going insane. Good luck & let me know if you get any good suggestions!

First, make sure she's not getting sick. That is the same thing my 5 year old does when she is overly tried and/or sick. (ear infection, strep, etc) Also the stress from school could be causing this without her even knowing. The smallest things effect kids... Good luck!

I DO HAVE ADVICE BUT YOU WON'T WANNA HEAR THEM. Is she going to school? How do they handle her bouts of anger? You may not have started soon enough and now it will be hard to take control back from her. j Maybe in playing games with her you can take on her crying spell and let her deal with it from you! Often when kids see themselves they will change a behavior. At 6 she should be able to tell you why she cries!

I can sympathize. How much is she sleeping at night? Has bedtime become a later time recently or is she sleeping in more often? My daughter who will be 5 this summer had a bout of the same thing your daughter is going through. She goes 1/2 day to school so when we arrive home at 1:30 we set the timer for an hour and she lays in her room with books and music. She loves to unwind a bit and it gives me a chance to regroup as well. I've noticed she is more at ease after the rest time and refreshed to continue the day.
The other part of this is your second sentence. "She always thrown temper tantrums..." Mom to Mom I have to tell you that she's using this to get your attention because it's worked so far. I'm with your husband on that part- Buy some ear plugs and let her work it out alone in her room. Tell her very matter of factly that we all have bad days and if this is one for her, she can work it out and when she's ready to talk about it with you she can come to you then. Find a quiet comfy spot for you and she to talk about her day. There may be something brewing somewhere else (school, a friend) and by having a heart to heart with her she will see you care about her feelings. Do not respond to her during the tantrum. You are just playing into it. I know it's hard but she will see there is a better way to handle disappointment.

I have a six year old daughter too, and I think I know what you mean! It's not daily in our house, but often enough. She gets set off by not getting her way... ususally something silly. I KNOW that this happens most when she's overtired and/or had a long day at school. So my first question would be... what is her bed time? Mine go to bed at 7:30 and sometimes I don't think that is early enough! In september it was almost daily that she melted down and I find that mondays are hard, so I think the long school day has something to do with it. I just try to stay calm, NEVER give in to whatever it is she's unreasonably demanding... I have her go to her room and tell her to come out when she calms down. She'll rant and rave and say terrible things for a little while, and then she'll calm down and we'll talk and she'll apologize. I just think she really does need to blow off steam sometimes. Make sure she's getting enough rest.

I agree with Donna about the Love and Logic books. I got several of them from the library after I read about them earlier on this site. They are terrific!!! What a blessing.

C., I think you should attempt to recall the time frame when it occurred because there is always a reason for a cause. It is great that you communicated with her by asking for the reason she cries. Since she has responded that she just feels like crying, ask her why (assuming you have not already), what does it feel like when you cry, do you think it makes mommy happy, does it make you feel good, do you think other girls your age cry like you. From a series of answers, you might be able to discern if it is her emotions or she is micking someone else. In other words, either an emotion or some form of passion. Hopefully, you will be able to abstract some type of reason. Depending on her answers you might have to seek outside help, especially if YOUR instinct doesn't deem it to be "normal". Listen to your enter thoughts. LJB

Could be that she's acting out but I think I'd have her evaluated by a child psychologist. I don't think it really sounds like a kid just acting like a brat or anything -- makes me wonder what's going on in her head. Who knows if it's hormones, a Sensory Integration Disorder type of thing, blood sugar imbalance or just behavioral.

Good luck with this. I'll be very interested to hear what comes of this.

Not saying this is it at all, but my brother was diagnosed with clinical depression at age 6. If she can't tell you why she feels so bad, she probably really doesn't know. It wouldn't hurt to have her evaluated by a child psychologist. Plus, s/he may have some strategies you can try at home to help her cope with these scary, unfamiliar feelings that make her feel so bad. I don't envy you at all. I truly hope everything turns out okay.

I think I'd take a good look at the advice offered by Kiri first. Diet, sleep, routine, and consistency are so significant. Sugar swings and sleep deprivation would make anyone cranky-so I'd zero in on her diet/sleep patterns first and go from there. The suggestion for Omega-3s was great too. They make suppliments for children to take; I get ours at Whole Foods. Good luck!

Hello,
I have 2 boys age 5 and 3 1/2. My younger son has autismn and sensory integration disorder. Perhaps your daughter has some sensory issues--being overwhelmed by light, sound, smells, etc, or is "underwhelmed" and needs to scream to satisfy that need for stimulus. You could ask your pediatrician for referral to have her tested to see if this or soemthing else may be the case. Good luck.

There's a few things that could be causing the meltdowns. 1 what time is bed time , she could be over tired, start earlier, at our house bed time is 7pm both kids ages 3yr and 6 yrs are in bed at 7pm no later than 8pm for the 6 yr old but 7 is better because she is allowed to read or play her leapster till 8pm which gives her wind down time.It also gives her "me" time. 2) If its little stuff that sets her off, She could be whats called "Spirited" . spirited kids are like normal kids , just add the word "more" infront of it , More intense , more sensitive etc. Check out the book "Raising your spirited child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.

http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Your-Spirited-Child-Percept...

Has she been evaluated for sensory issues (OT?)My best guess from my personal experience is that it may be a release of stress or energy. See if shredding newspaper, blowing bubbles, or popping bubble wrap help instead of screaming. Oh,one other thing my son's psychiatrist suggested when he hs "rage" meltdowns - to hold him tight. he said it's scary for kids to feel out of control and that helps them feel that you're in control. My son also likes the sensory aspect of it. Just keep an eye out for symptoms of ADHD or learning issues - they can cause additional frustration which makes the day more stressful. D. D

C.,

My daughter will be 8 in June and used to do the exact same thing. This time last year it was so bad we took her to the pediatrician and then a psychiatrist (who wanted to put her on very strong meds).

Here are a list of things that I found helped:
1) Sleep - Elizabeth has always had a hard time going to sleep and I have to make sure she gets lots of sleep or the tantrums will return.

2) Exercise - the more she gets the better

3) A shower will calm her down. If possible I will send her to the shower to just relax and end the tantrum. It creates a different environment and is soothing.

4) Watch her sugar intake and increase the amount of protein and Omega 3. You can get eggs with extra Omega-3.

5) It is always worse this time of year. Maybe it is the pollen or the time change - I don't know why.

Just love her and comfort her. Hold her tight during the tantrum even if she resists. Ask her what is going on inside her head. Is it very busy? Is it calm? If it is like my little girl, her head is full of racing thoughts and she can't control the tantrum.

Elizabeth doesn't have the trantrums very often anymore, but I am very proactive about preventing them.

I hope this helps.
K.

Just a though and of course I am not a doctor.LOL. But I have been reading that girls are developing and maturing at a younger and younger age. I remember during puberty, crying alot and not knowing why--it was just hormones.

I would seek the advice of a doctor to find out if her hormones are a little off kelter and I would also look into causes of depression, etc.

I remember it starting for me at about age 10 and ending at about age 20 (crying for no good reason). I know 6 to 20 is a long time to wait for her to grow out of it, that is why I say see a doctor because it may be hormones. Good luck. i hope that helps. SMILE!