Ladies I need your opinion. My husbands grandmother has stopped her dialysis and will mostly pass away this week. She is 96. Lived a great life but is tired and ready to go. We have a 3 year old and 2 month old. My question is when she does pass away do I go to the funeral with my husband? It will 2+ hours away and we don't have any other family close by to watch the kids. His brother lives close by so he could go with.
I would go with and bring my kids. When my kids were that small I would leave them in the lobby with family or most funeral homes have a lounge where they have some snacks for immediate family. You could have them go down there.
My husbands grandmother and my grandfather passed away within a month of each other this summer. They were both unexpected deaths. His grandmother's funeral was local, but my grandfather's was 2-1/2 hours away. We stayed with family overnight for that one. My daughter went to both funerals and she was 3-1/2 years old. Her 4 and 6 year old cousins were at my grandfathers funeral. There was one other child at my husbands grandmothers funeral. My daughter did great!! She was extremely close to my grandfather and called him Poppi! She still talks about him at least weekly. Being able to say goodbye really made a difference for her. My husbands grandmother had Alzheimer's so my daughter barely knew her, but was still able to say goodbye. She had LOTS of questions like why do they shut the box, why do they put them in the ground, why was I crying, etc. We answered as best as we could as honestly as we could. Having the kids there was also therapeutic for the adults as the kids broke the tension. During the visitations, we had crayons, markers and paper. The funeral home had coloring books and regular books for them as well as a room for the family to go to. My daughter didn't want to really see my husbands grandmother in the coffin, but she did want to see her Poppi. My niece was even less timid and wanted to touch Poppi's hand and see him constantly. We just let them go at their own pace and not push them to do something that they weren't comfortable with. I would go and give your family a chance to say goodbye.
I am sorry for your loss.
You know, there are no hard and fast rules about this so, I would say, no you don't have to go, unless you feel strongly that you should be there or if your husband really wants you there.
Note, by not going you may anger your in-laws. However that wouldn't be the reason to do it or not to do it...just a warning.
D.:
You need to take the kids with. Believe me, it takes the pressure off of everyone. No one can resist taking time for the little ones. It may not be fun for you, but it needs to happen.
My daughter was the star of the room when my Grandmother passed away. Since my Grandma always had "spicettes" when we would come to visit, it was only proper. She went around at 3 and offered everyone candy!
My prayers to you and your family, but take the kids!!!!!
Even during this sad time, I'm sure people would love to see your kids. It seems like funerals were the only times we saw some of our more distant relatives. There were/are always kids at our family funerals. I think you should go with your hubby, and take the kids along.
When my husbands grandfather passed away, I went with the young kids (also 2 hrs away). It was so hard because trying to keep them "respectfully" quiet was almost impossible, and that was one place I felt no one appreciates the distraction and noise young kids bring.
Also, I could hardley grieve with the rest of the family and offer condolances b/c I was chasing the kids around. I did not expect my husband to help this time because he needed to be with his family.
When my husbands uncle passed away, we decided I would stay home with the kids and my husband went with his father and brother to the funeral and spent the weekend with his family. I made sure he brought a card from all of us and gave his grandmother a call to express my sympathies. Everyone understood why I stayed home.
I'm very sorry for your loss. Grandmothers are very special people!! Yes, I think you should go. Funerals are not fun and it won't be easy with the kids, but it is necessary. It is perfectly acceptable to take the children to their great grandmothers funeral. There will be a family room in most funeral homes where the kids can play, eat, etc. I wouldn't ever want to attend a family members funeral without my husband!
I would say yes go with him and take the children. They represent the 3rd generation and part of his grandmothers legacy. Prayerfully they will sleep for the ride and family will get to see the next generation that will keep the family alive for years to come. It is a hassle to drive with children but you can't leave them home alone and you need to be with your husband.
I'm sorry for what you and your family are going through. We just lost my husband's Grandmother (age 93) in August and it's always difficult, no matter how old. I say -- you should do what is best for you, your husband and your children, no matter what anyone thinks. Do you want to go with the kids? If so, don't hesitate to go. If you cannot find childcare and do not want your children to attend, then do not go. I had someone who could stay with my children for a few days...otherwise, I would have stayed home.
Best wishes to all.
You should probably go with. I think there is some debate on if kids should be at funerals or not...I grew up attending family members funerals along with all of my cousins. I always think I should leave the kids at home, but they do need to learn about death and such. It will be nice for your husband to have you there with him as well. Then you can say goodbye as a family. Sorry about the sad news...
