Your situation used to be mine to a T... 2 overworked parents both working full-time, 3 small kids, a husband with way lower standards than the wife and a strong desire to relaaaaax on his time off. Actually this is still my situation, who am I kidding. Nothing has changed except my kids are a little older (9, 6, 2). If anything, things have gotten MORE busy now that my two older kids are busy with after school activities and sports non-stop.
What has changed is my outlook. I have just accepted that I am married to a man who will always think things are 50-50 even though it is more like 30-70, and I try to appreciate him for what he does contribute. It's a huge deal to him that he gets the two older kids off to school every morning while getting himself ready for work. I have to appreciate that nugget because I have the luxury to get ready alone in peace and quiet every morning (because I've woken up hours early to get the lunches made and the kitchen clean for the day and out the door!)
Also I remind myself that it is temporary! Years go by fast, 3 kids are a lot but they are growing. Always entering new (and hopefully more helpful) stages. Before you know it your kids will be old enough to fix their own food (frozen pizza anyone??) and maybe put away their own laundry. You can make them do that now, at least the older two can put their dirty clothes in a hamper. When you get home and tell them to.
I realized that I am doing all these things around the house because I WANT TO, and I suspect this applies to you too (you are a nurse, you've chosen a career in professional caretaking!) I like to accomplish things. I like the feeling of "busy". I like a tidy and organized environment. I like to stay ahead of the never-ending cyclical chores like dishes and laundry. I like cooking and sharing my love of vegetables with smaller people. That's just me. If I didn't value these things I wouldn't put time into them. I can't be mad at my husband for not being like me.
AND what helps the most.... a cleaning lady every 2 weeks. Seriously, if you haven't invested in housecleaning help yet, I highly recommend it from one working mom to another. It was a game changer for me. I resisted for a few years, I don't know why, pride or something. But the 3rd child tipped the scales and I haven't looked back. You work full time. You have kids to take care of spend quality time with. Get someone to come help clean.
The time when I felt this imbalance you write about most acutely was when my husband was working weekends. I would bust my butt all weekend alone for 2 days straight to get the house in tip-top shape for the coming week... only to have it all unravel the following two days that he had off. I couldn't help be irritated by the end of Tuesday night. I suspect that your offset schedules has a lot to do with your frustration. Once my husband and I went on the same work cycle, the whole thing felt more like a partnership. Even though it's still 70-30, that feeling of not having control over "his" two days and him not doing it the way *I* would, went away, and that went a long way into calming me down.
Resentment is no bueno! Let It Go! Accept this crazy busy time of life and your own crazy high standards of caretaking. Or better yet, lower them, for your own sake... Frozen pizza can be OK. Dirty floors are (disgusting and maddening but) OK. Skipping baths now and then to give yourself an evening break is OK. This is your stage right now. Eventually you'll have all three in school in the mornings and you'll be living out of your car all afternoon taking them places (don't even try to keep your vehicle clean when you enter this stage). It's the craziness of three kids and 2 working parents... just ride the ride.