Without getting into the details too much, my brother-in-law (on my husband's side) could no longer take care of his son (18 months), so the dept of children and families removed him from their home. My husband and I stepped in and said that we could take him while they try to get their lives back together. We have a 22 month old of our own. We will have their child for at least 10 months before they will start the reunification process with his parents (if everything goes ok and the parents get the help they need). We are really glad to be able to help and the boys get along great (most of the time, as to be expected).
It feels like we have twins because of the closeness in their age, but developmentally they are leaps and bounds apart. We are getting my nephew into a birth to three program to help with his language and communication delays (doesn't show signs of understanding, has no words but babbles a lot. Very affectionate and interested in people, so no concerns from the dr about autism or anything like that).
I guess my question is for parents of twins or close siblings. How do you effectively divide your attention? We find ourselves re-directing our nephew a lot since he was never given any boundaries before. Every time we are re-directing him ("please don't shut the door"), our son imitates the same behavior, probably to get attention.
Also, mealtimes have been a bit of a challenge. Prior to staying with us, he didn't get much more than hostess muffins and juice and chocolate milk. We want him to eat healthy but haven't discovered much he likes. If he doesn't eat much for dinner, he will wake up screaming in the middle of the night because he's hungry. Aside from peanut butter toast, I'm not really sure what to give him. He needs to eat since he is below the 10th percentile for weight (50% for height), so I can't do what I would do with my son and say you can't leave the table until you eat your vegetables. Any food suggestions?
Also, any advice from other foster parents with children of their own in the same home would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! :)
I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions for you, but just wanted to say I think you're AMAZING for doing what you're doing.
I just want to say Bless your hearts for being such an amazing aunt and uncle to this little boy! I would just remain positive with everything that you are doing and he will pick up on it before you know it. He is young still and change will be easier. Just an idea for the vegetable situation... hide it in the food!! My son is four and somewhere along the way he has decided that he hates vegetables... yet he eats them all the time! Mac n cheese with sweet potato's is his unknown favorite!! But remember to also offer a vegetable on the side as well and encourage them to eat it. Just remember that he is probably equally confused about all of this new structure, limits, love, nutritious foods and attention. Give him some time and understanding and he will come around. Don't give up on this little boy he sure does need you!
I also don't have any advice, just want to wish you the best with him! It sounds like a difficult situation and I think it's great that you are taking this little one into your home. He will get with the program, just keep up with the boundaries and being consistent - it will come eventually. Also keep offering your meals, he also will adjust to your food. Can you try some perennail kid favorites? Mac and cheese? spag and meatballs? grilled cheese? try the PB on thinly sliced apple?
good luck to you!
Hi M.,
Bless you for doing such a good deed!
My twins just turned three. Most importantly I feel it's best to treat your little ones as individuals. They grow, learn, eat (likes and dislikes) all on their own. Make no comparisons between them but only honor who they are and what their currents needs may be. Schedule one-on-one time with them regularly, it's good for them and an excellent way for you to bond with them. It also gives them an opportunity for them to truly show you who they are and be confident in themselves as they learn their own personality.
It also allows them to trust in your attention towards them.
As far as the eating, good luck with that. Just keep reintroducing healthy foods on your eating and snaking schedule. If they are hungry they will eat and they will select good food from your healthy choices.
Hope this helps. On a separate note my sister and I are 18 months apart and we hated always being treated the same (and as twins) when we were growing up. I guess that's what helped me to embrace being a mom to twins now that I am an adult. Remember they are two separate little people.
Thanks!
What every child needs more than anything else in unconditional love from the adults in their life. Be aware of any bias you may have for your own son (It's only normal. You already love your son) Avoid the comparison thing. Each child is unique. (even siblings) enjoy getting to know this little guy and open your heart to accept him and love him for the innocent being he is. The rest is easy.
i will try to introduce new food slowly like a baby because ,and try to make it fun like tell a story about something youeating (like if we have quesadillas with chicken and my little boy does not like it i am like mmm what a yummy quesadilla it will be so happy to be in your tummy )
and if he eat or at least try the food do a big deal about
i have twins 21 months and i try to do a lot of things with them together so they don't feel your give more attention to only one child
and also spend a little time with one while the other one still taking a nap i think is good
you can make him
broiled eggs ...my kid thinks he is eating balls
scrambled eggs with little ketchup
bread toast with nutella
chicken soup
roast chicken with 1 veggie
rice
overcooked pasta with tomatoe and parmesan
small meatball with tomatoe sauce...again my kid think are balls
try to eat what they are eating so he maybe more intested and see everybody eat that.
I am a foster parent, and know how hard it can be to have multiple little ones to divide your time! This will be a long, crazy process for you, but it will be rewarding when you finally start to see the little guy picking up on things. He is probably so far behind because he just hasn't had anyone working with him at all. That is changing now, but it will be a process. Peanut butter toast is a good start! It's high in protein and calories, so that's a good thing for him to eat! Maybe for a little while, give him a couple of peanut butter crackers with each meal, but then make sure you have other things on there he can eat as well. Meatballs are a great start. So are quessadillas and grilled ham and cheese sandwhiches. Mashed potatoes and applesauce. Who cares if he gets messy for a while as long as he starts eating! Consistancy is key, and you may have to give him the same thing to eat for a few days in a row, but eventually he will start to eat more. I would definately make sure he eats a little something right before bedtime too, just to help get his weight up and help him sleep longer. Keep up with the whole milk (maybe a little sugar free chocolate syrup if that helps sometimes) too. He has to learn what he likes now that he will have options, but he may be overwhelmed with everything that's going on in his little life. Please let me know if I can offer any more foster parent support!
Wow- you ar really exceptional people to take this little guy in and he's very lucky.
Just a suggestion... ask a ton of questions at the EI assessment and intake. I have no doubt that he will qualify for services and the speech therapist will be a wealth of suggestions for you... also request Occupational and Physical therapy evaluations! This little man may not have learned to process sensory input orally- the therapists will be able to help you tremendously.
Good luck!
I would tell them what to do like we need the door open and we all going to eat these carrots and so on keep on trying you are providing the best you can for your nephew keep it up!
J.
First of all, my heart goes out to you and your family. I praise you for helping out with your nephew and it sounds he very much needs a stable home with love and affection.
As for your questions, my sons are 18 months apart and it is very difficult. If you pay attention to one, the other gets jealous, etc. This will pass and in a few weeks your son won't remember a time when your nephew was not there. I would continue as much as you can with hugging, loving, and any signs of affection you can give. He needs that.
Now for food. I know it sounds backwards, but have you tried to give your nephew baby food? He may not like the food you are giving him because maybe he was never taught how to chew properly, especially since he has verbal delays it might be difficult for him to chew and move the food around properly. My oldest son refused to eat veggies (he is 2 ) so to this day I give him baby food, however, he literally "drinks" it out of a straw. He thinks its some sort of smoothie, weird I know but it works. Try that, or just feeding him yourself, maybe he doesn't know how to feed himself. Also ask your doctor about giving him PediaSure drinks for growth (its like Ensure for babies).
Please give updates and I will try to think of anything else that may help. :)
Some advice from a mother of four, who are closely spaced: Make sure to have one-on-one time (even if only a few minutes) with each kid each day. Get down and really look your own son in the eye - maybe do errands with just one. Food: I have a very picky eater as well, for different reasons. If all he eats rig t now is peanut butter on toast, then feed him that - go for the wholegrain bread, and peanut butter without corn syrup. The kid will be OK.
Do not stress to much about it, he'll learn to eat well eventually, if that is all that is in the house. Make sure he gets a multivitamin.
Good luck.
