Friends Daughter Raped - What to Do/ Say

My heart goes out to her and her family. Those situations are tough on the family and especially this young teen. My sister was raped when she was 14 and it was tough to have the right words on hand, even to my mother. I would tell my mother it wasn't her fault and to keep her head up!!! Each day will bring different emotions for this woman as she watches her young child heal. To be quite honest, it took my sister years to recover and lots of professional help. The same with my mother, she is still torn inside by what happened, days filled with what-if's seemed to be the hardest. This woman cannot punish herself for what happened, it is not the end of life, but a new beginning in a different direction. The healing process just takes time and lots of support from friends. Most important thing for her to know is that it's not her fault. I hope the best for her and her family.

Well in my opinion, some of the bestthings you can do for her is be there for her and listen. If you've neveer experienced whet she is going through, never say "I know what your going through", but offer an "I cannot imagine.....". Never share anything with another co-worker, she trust you to talk, not everyone else. Offer if you can do anything....if she needs something, anything at all, you can help her out with whatever it is. Even if it's to run for a gallon of milk while your out and stop buy for a little chat. Other than that, there is not much you can do, but be her friend. You can't take away the pain, or what happened. The worst thing you can do is share what you know with the people that are arround her and bring up the situation youself....let her talk about it. It's her decision who she tells, and you are privledged and special to her for her to want to share this info with. When things cool down and they put it behind them, you'll be closer. Then maybe the 2 of you can do something more enjoyable together.

Pray! Her family has some rough times ahead; I can't even imagine. Also, ask what you can do to help. So many times people have the idea of "Here is what I will do to help you!" instead of "What can I do to help you?"
Does she have other kids? Maybe help with them so she and her daughter have some one-on-one time.

Don't feel bad about telling others at work that 'it is personal' or 'when/if she is ready to say more she will'.....

I know people are curious and caring --- but really they need to be respectful and give her space. It doesn't matter what she is upset about - family matter isn't work matter and they should leave it.

Hugs to you and your friend/co-worker and her family!

Speaking from experience.........

I was in the position of the daughter, though not even close to being a teen. I can only give the following advice.......

Please continue to be supportive for your friend. She is going through something that NO mother should have to go through (been there, too). But, also tell her that she may fall apart when she is talking to you, but do NOT let her daughter see that too often.

To let her daughter see her cry, and know that she feels badly about what happens, is fine. But not on a full-time basis. She needs to be strong for her daughter, and let her know that she is not to blame for the terrible thing that has happened to her, that she is still just as good as anybody else, and that anyone who considers her "damaged goods" is not a friend, and really not worth her time. And, let her know that she is very loved.

If your friend cries every time she thinks about this, or every time her daughter needs to talk about it, the daughter could just clam up and not talk. She could hold in all the pain, rather than cause her Mom more pain, and this is very unhealthy. The only way this child will ever be able to come to terms with what happened, is if she is given the support she needs, and allowed to talk about it -in her own time, not forced to talk.

I pray for you all. This is a horrible thing to happen, and it takes a long time to cope, and learn to go on. But, hopefully, this young girl will come to realize that there is still good in the world, too.

Advice for the daughter, if you should get a chance to show this to her, with her Mom's permission,........

Do not let this ruin your life. You are the same person now, that you were before. Do not let someone else steal that from you. The one that attacked your body, cannot touch your soul. That is yours. The only way they can win, is if you let them. Please remain strong, and keep your head up. It's not easy, but show that you are still a strong person, and able to survive.

If you ever need to talk to someone, please know that I am only an e-mail away.

I wish I had an answer. I will pray for all of you. Bless you.

What a tragic thing to happen to your friend and her daughter! You are certainly doing the right thing by being supportive. My advice, first, is to continue to keep this to yourself. If she wants others to know she will tell them and if you are asked directly, just keep saying "family thing." Just make yourself available to her when she needs to talk, perhaps inviting her to coffee after work or for some other quiet activity where she can express herself without too many others around. She and her daughter may need reassurance (even if they have been in counseling) that they are not to blame for what happened. Time and love from others will ease the pain. What a good friend she has in you! God Bless!

I'm terribly sorry to hear what happened. I'm glad that they are getting counceling and doing all that they can. I wish that I could tell you all these things for you to do to help ease your friend's pain, but I think that all there is for you to do is to just simply be there for her. Keep a box of klinex close by. It's so important for this young lady to know that what happend wasn't her fault. The only person to blame is the creap who attacked your friend's daughter. Your friend and her family just need to be loved during this difficult time. I hope that the police catch the creap. The legal process may take some time; so just be by your friends side. Please incurage your friend to keep her daughter in counceling. I have recently gone through court for my own stuff that happened to me as a child, and the whole court process is emotionally hard. She should deffinatly stay in counceling until well after court. The court prosses could give her a sence of validation for all the pain that the creap has put her through! (which could help in the healing process). Also, your friend's daughter should know that she is still loved and is STILL LOVEABLE! When they trust in God He will give them the strangth that they need to make it through it all. Knowing that God will never leave me nor forsake me really got me through it all. I always knew that God was by my side and that he would vindicate me; I always got great strangth from that. God can give them that same strangth if only they will let Him. I hope that this helps some.

It sounds like you are doing great! Just being willing to be there and listen is huge. Don't feel like you have to fix it, because you can not. Don't be a gossip and spread it around...tell them she will talk to them if she wants them to know. Pray Pray Pray. When we pray, and cry out to God for healing... he is faithful and He is the only way I know to have complete healing of such a horrible experience. I would really encourage her to get involved in a good bible based church. We had a wonderful small group descusion on just this type of thing last night. God loves her so very much and He will be there if she will let Him. Thank you for being there for her. I am sure she is grateful that you are part of her life. Stay with and her and encourage her through it. "A friend loves at all times!"

I am a 40 year old mother of 3. I have been married since 1990, to a very loving supporting man. I am also a licensed social worker. I have loved Jesus since I gave my heart to him at the age of 6. He has seen me through many heartaches...too many to mention...He will prove faithful!