Do you have friends who get upset with you because you won't go do something they like to do? There are three couples who go and do things together. With kids and without. Well the two of them are ok with going to a smoke filled casino to watch fighting. Great for them, but my husband and I don't like to watch the fights, and I HATE THE SMOKED filled room. I know they just want us with them. Thing is one couple's daughter turned 21 and we were invited to the casino to help her enjoy turning 21. We told them we probably would not go. We did not. Now it seems like we are being snubbed and avoided. I actually over heard a conversation on the phone. She did not hang up and I heard what she said about us not helping out with the bbq. She is also trying to compare of 5 yr old boys as her boy being better. She does not want him going to the same elementary school as our son, because she likes the other one better. It's really upsetting because when her and her husband divorced and she found herself pregnant with her new boyfriends baby. We were there for her.The ex husband came back and was there for her with the new baby, and gave him his last name. He has started his new business and doing very well. Well enough for her to stop working and go back to college. We were invited to go camping with all three couples for the 4th of July. My husband was out of town and where they were going there was a lot of curves and steep hills. I was afraid to go by myself. My aunt was going closer and no steep hills. I enjoy them, but wish they would accept we don't like smoky casinos and understand we love them, but there are just somethings we can't always do. How would this make you feel? Currently I am just so busy with my kids
I have come to the conclusion that the one friend is a control freak. If it is not her plan, she is not always intersted. Yes I have mentioned time and time again that we don't like going to watch the fights, and don't like the casino. Yet we are always invited. Which is nice I suppose. She is my step cousin so I have know her for years, and will always be around each other. I think I have come to my own conclusions, just needed/wanted to see if the way I am thinking was the same as you guys. I have contacted both couple friends to invite them to summer event. One friend was like sure when is good for you. The other was like. I am going in August when my mom gets here. Which I understand totally, but it was once again like it was her way. LOL This summer event is better with more people, so my other friend and I will agree to go when our friends mom is here. I have gone and invited my step father and all of the family to go. LOL Not her idea....question is will they go.
Find other friends who like doing things you do.
We can stand smoky places either and we don't go to them anymore.
You can still get together with the old group once in awhile, but friends come and go and drift apart all the time.
Move on and see it as an opportunity to find people who better match your interests and values.
Well if they are your friends why dont you invite them over to play cards or doing something you like doing? Also have you told her why you don't like goign to the casino. I would. Saves a lot of time and energy. Just say i'm sorry I just don't like going to that casino and smelling all that smoke how bout we do this instead one night.
My best friend wanted me to go on a cruise where I would have to eat dinner every night with a group of at least 20 people she knew. So if one was late, we all had to wait. I told her I HATED waiting and that I would not enjoy it. I even told her on our anniversary we insisted they save us a table for 2 so we never had to wait. Years later I found out she took it as a personal rejection and wishes I would have said we had no money, a lie. She still tells me how great every cruise is, especially dinner with the group.
I would NOT go to a smokey room for anyone ever. I would focus on other friends, though it is not your fault.
It sounds like they are reacting to feeling rejected. I guess in some way you have rejected them (no offense), but (begin underline) that doesn't mean you have done anything wrong either (end underline).
That seems kind of immature, to not want to do thing w/you b/c you don't like what they like to do.
How would this make me feel? I would still want to hang out with them and if I still liked them enough to forgive and forget, I'd probably be hosting more home get-togethers rather than going out. That way they can see what you are comfortable with and even if they think hanging out at home is boring, at least they will always feel welcome in your home/in your life. AND you will be able to control a little more of how you spend time with each other and not feel resentful if they invite you to something you know you won't enjoy.
I wouldn't consider someone like that as a real friend if they're going to act that way. I do not like casinos to watch fights either. We also hate smoke filled places, and I used to be a heavy smoker! I think it's odd to take your own child who is turning 21 out to drink to celebrate. I would find that inappropriate as a parent and also, my now 24 year old son wouldn't want us anywhere near his 21st birthday, and he went off and did his own thing. He lived in another state anyway, but he did his own thing. If we would have offered to take him out to party for his 21st he would have barfed, lol! I don't know. It sounds like this woman really is as good of a friend as you think she is and sounds a big selfish to me. I wouldn't worry about her and her needs and don't take offense to her complaints. She sounds like she's all about what she can get and get things her way and when that doesn't happen she complains. Not a real friend to me.
K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
I don't know how long you've been friends with these couples or if it varies with each one. Bottom line, there must be some commonalities of interests or why would the friendship continue. There are times when you can't make it to every campout or event that is going on and true friends would not be offended by that. It's called life and it's busy for all of us and we can choose what we do and do not participate in and enjoy. I don't know if the other couples/friends usually plan the activities and you and your husband go along BUT I think it's time you two start throwing in your "two cents" worth and mention some things you want to do with them and then see how it goes. Plan something and invite them. Maybe the tables need to be turned. Write down your interests on a piece of paper or some things you've wanted to do with your friends and and go for it. Since it's Summer, how about going out to a place where you can eat on the deck/outside or barbecue at your house and go to a baseball game or other event; how about an outdoor concert? Go swimming and have dinner afterwards...I don't know. Everyone likes to do different things. You'll think of something. I think it's best on both sides to not be so easily offended and if you find that some of the couple friends are, then I would move on and find some different "friends."
I would probably feel hurt at first but then I'd try to look at it from her perspective. She was probably hurt that you didn't join them. I'm guessing that she felt that you should have joined them because of your friendship and since you didn't she's hurt.
I suggest that you talk with her, using I statements, telling her how you felt. Include that you want to be friends and want to resolve this issue.
In response to another post's comment about it being inappropriate for parents to take their child to celebrate their 21st birthday, I strongly disagree. It's very appropriate especially if the child and parent's are close. My daughter's Dad and I took her out for a drink to celebrate her 21st birthday. It felt like we were acknowledging that she is now of legal age to drink. Taking her for a drink was a rite of passage.
Hi, T:
Find new friends. These "friends" only want "tag-a-longs."
It sounds like this relationship is not reciprocal.
Enjoy your family.
Just a thought.
D.
