Friend

I would confront her but in a platonic way. go to halmark by a card and write it out. Send it in a card. have the card say thinking of you or just wanted to say Hello or something in that aspect.

Let her call you. When she calls I would mention that youmov were wondering if something happened, etc. I have three kids and can't imagine having time to chat on the phone with 9. I have friends with one child that tend to want to chat about the "little" things that I just let go, since I have two older children. It's all part of perspective. Give it time.

Did you say she has 9 kids? That could be why you aren't hearing from her right now. OR, people come into our lives for a reason and for a season. It's possible your season has expired. I hope not for your sake, but prepare yourself.

If she is a true friend and has just been going through something, she will not mind your calls. Use an "I" statement with her. (My son's idea.) When you do __________ I feel __________ because ____________.

Good luck!

S.

9 kids... With one of them a newborn... Hmmm, Busy lady! I have 3 myself and know that the last few weeks have been insane... Spring fever. Perhaps her kids are the same and she is running around trying to keep them from hurting herself.
Perhaps its a touch of the baby blues...

I would send a card, keep calling. If you value the friendship keep trying.

Maybe her hubbys job has gotten iffy and they are stressing about that.
Perhaps sick kids play a role.

There are many things it could be....

Instead of asking her to come all the way to you, I would try to arrange a "when your down this way lets meet at ....."

When she dows visit her hubby (you said he lived about 20 miles away from you while she lives 40) she probibly trys to eek out every last second she can with him... Its understandable.

Give her the benefit of the doubt and keep trying.
Pack up the kids and a picnic lunch for all and show up on her doorstep. :-)
She may be overwhelmed right now and need a bit of support. So be prepared to sweep, and pick up...

8 kids? I wouldn't expect her to have time for a life either! Consider this: a lot of times we get so caught up in being a mom and a wife that any other life tends not to exist. She IS busy. And with that many kids maybe she tends to avoid you just because she has that many kids and they could be disruptive and what kind of a visit between friends is it when you have to go around minding your kids? If she doesn't answer the phone, she could be totally exhausted or, like me, let the machine get it because more often than not it's a telemarketer I don't want to talk to anyway.

Give her the benefit of the doubt at least.

I can understand you may feel slighted, but the woman has 9 kids. I have three and don't have a lot of time to talk on the phone. I know if I get to talking too much on the phone they things I wanted to do that day get put by the way side and then I feel like my day had passed me by and I still have to do dishes, laundry, cleaning and not to mention get dressed. Maybe you two should have a girls night out at the movies without any interference. You might find that you reconnect and have a great time. I think she is overwhelmed by having 9 kids and taking care of a household. I feel this way sometimes and I only have 3 kids. Maybe you could send her a nice note telling her how much you appreciate your friendship and that you miss talking to her.

I would agree with everyone else to give it a little time first. She has NINE kids!!!!!!! You guys were close before, but you lived closer. And she just had her baby, I am sure she has her hands full. Offer to be there and help. She is probably just stressed.

Side note: I never could nurse my son while on the phone or when someone was in the room. We needed absolute quiet and privacy or he would stop and it was very disruptive. No one ever understood why I had to hide myself away, but oh well...every baby is different and you do what you have to do. All moms I think need a little leniency to do it their own way...

9 children??? I am surprised she has time to do anything, don't take it personal, she has to be a busy lady with all those kids PLUS laundry and cleaning....wow, drop her a line, email or something like that, funny card, just to let her know you are still around and let her take it from there.

ok 9 children is a lot!! she probably is busy and with my second daughter whenever i breastfed her i could not talk at all or she would stop nursing. just ask her hey it sounds like you are really busy is there anything you need help with?

I don't think its to offend you... she has 9 kids... things as you can imagine are VERY busy. I am one of 8, and I'm not going to lie, my mom rarely visited anyone when we were young... I honestly don't think she means anything by it...
but I could be wrong. If it bothers you that much don't do all the work on the relationship, let her call you if she wants to talk.... my mom rarely called anyone to chat when we were little too, a time issue thing. Good luck with it all, but be prepared for her to be pretty busy, she has 9 kids, I am sure when they get older she'll have more time for relationships.

I am pretty much in agreement with what everyone else said, 9 kids is a lot. I am the mother of a 3 year old and twin 7 month olds and i do not every have time to talk on the phone. Even when i am breastfeeding. This is often my time to bond with the babies or read to my daughter while the boys are eating. Sometimes i just take this time for myself - because it's the only break i get - time to sit and just relax, read, pray, or be quiet. Just another view on the matter.

Hi S.,
I know that you have resolved this already, but I wanted to add my support. I understand how you feel, and how your friend may feel.
Three months ago I gave birth to our sixth beautiful child and haven't caught up yet! :) Everytime I get on the phone whether it's with a friend, something comes up with one of the children, ages are 14, 10, 8, 5, 2, and three months. If I chose to stay on the phone, I'll have dozens of side conversations with the kids and not be able to devote my time to the person on the other end of the line. I have lists of people that I'd like to call and get reacquainted with, but that's not possible right now. I usually wait until the kids go to bed to get to talk to someone uninterrupted.
We homeschool too, so during the day is extremely busy with learning, housework, laundry, meals, etc.....
Even with older kids, there's still a lot of supervision left do be done.
I'm glad it worked out well. Still send her a card from time to time. She may not want to intrude on your time with your new baby either. Congrats to both of you on your newest blessings!!
Gotta go, the two year old is no longer interested in Go Go Diego and is getting into some beads, the baby is working on a diaper for me and the 8yr old wants to show me her latest artwork. God bless!

Hi S.
I would hold off on saying something. She could be giving you time to bond with your baby, get situated and adjusted to life with a 3rd kid. Also you said she has 9 kids, she could very well be preoccupied and have other things going on right now. I would wait a little bit before I say anything.

Hi S.,

Your friend sounds a lot like my best friend. Busy or not, it is so frustrating when you feel like you're giving and giving and not receiving. My mom has always told me that you have two kinds of people in the world: givers and takers. While your friend has a lot on her plate, I know that you and I do, too, yet we're still able to make a few minutes for a friend.

I'm not sure that I am dealing with my situation "appropriately," but here's what I did: we used to talk on the phone every day. The catch was that I would usually call her, and I would almost always get her voicemail. She'd call me back when it was convenient for HER. I'd make time for her when she called back. I eventually got sick of the voicemail, so I gradually stopped calling her every day. After a few weeks, I have found that she only calls when she's having a problem. I think that speaks volumes of the type of friend that she is. I am still happy to listen when she needs me, but I have decided I am not going out of my way for her anymore, and I am not going to feel guilty about it. People can grow and change as priorities shift. We just seem to be drifting in two different directions. Obviously I haven't sat down and talked to her about it, but I don't think it would do anything other than make her mad and drive a bigger wedge between us. This is just the kind of person that she is, and I don't know that calling it to her attention is really going to change anything.

Hope this helps.

A.

Either she has an issue with you that you're unaware of, or she's having some PPD. Those first 6 weeks are killer for mommies sometimes. Give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe send her a card telling her how important she is in your life and you can't wait until she's less busy so you can have more time together... See if that works, if not you'll have to wait until its her time to hang out with you again.

She sounds overwhelmed with the additional responsibilities. I breastfed while on the phone hundreds of times but some moms feel they can't do that. I'd try to cut her a lot of slack and reach out to her gently and supportively. Pray for her and then tell her that you are and that you love her and know she has a lot on her plate. I doubt very much that it has to do with you. I have a friend who never ever picks up her phone. She says she'd never get anything done if she did. It makes me crazy but I've had to learn to accept her as she is. I will flex for interrruptions but some people just don't feel they can. God bless you, S.! Hope your birth goes very well for you! Good for you for breastfeeding and homeschooling too! You rock!

I too had a child that would stop nursing if I was talking or in a busy room. Give her the benefit of the doubt, 9 children is a lot to handle. You said that she was never like this after other children were born but every child is different. She may also be feeling a little more overwhelmed this time around. I think because you value the friendship you may need to make the effort a litle more than her to spend time. Offer your assistance and be supportive. Maybe you could tell her a little of what your feeling to make yourself feel better (like that you miss her friendship)but be as understanding as possible so as to not offend her or make her feel obligated. If she is already overwhelmed and she has a good friend making her feel guilty it may just be too much to handle and you will push her away.

Dear S.,

If you're hurt over it, it won't work to just tuck it aside - it'll come up again and again. It's best to pray about it before approaching your friend (you said you're a Christian) for the right attitude, which is NOT blaming her but sharing how you're perceiving the situation and how you're feeling from it.

Maybe she likes to breastfeed in quiet. I know some moms don't like to be doing anything but sharing that nice, quiet time with their little one.

But, after prayer, if you're hurt, talk to your friend about it - honestly, openly and humbly. Pray for the right attitude to receive whatever your friend says.

Hope that's helpful.
C.~

Sounds to me like you're overreacting a bit. She probably just wants to give you time to adjust to the new baby. As far as letting you go to feed her baby... maybe she wants to spend the feeding time as a special time for just her & the baby? With 9 kids, I would think that would probably be the ONLY time she gets to spend with just that one child so she probably wants to do it in peace & quiet.

If I were you, I'd just take a deep breath and relax. Things are always a little wonky after having a baby. Give it a while and I'm sure things will go back to normal.

While your friend may be able to talk on the phone and feed the baby at the same time, she may not want to...
Imagine having 9 children and the only time you get to give your baby your undivided attention is when you nurse her... wouldn't you want to keep that time special and just for baby?
You know how busy things can be when you first have a baby, right? Your friend might be busy and hoping you understand now that you have one too. If you want her to come over, invite her. Say, "This friday we wanted to have you over to see the baby and have root beer floats. Are you free?"
Everyone is different when they have a baby. Some people want lots of attention and want everyone to come see the baby right away .....while others hate it when everyone wants to come over when they would prefer to just wear pajamas all day and not worry about how their house looks. Try to think about the reasons behind her actions and don't be offended.