Fourth Miscarriage, Should I Try Again?

Hi S.,
I don't have much advice on what you should do, but I have been through 5 miscarriages and can sympathize with the agony of each of those losses. My situation is different though, as the first 4 occurred BEFORE my first daughter was born, and it turned out (after seeing a specialist) that there was a specific reason (bicornuate uterus). I had a surgery and the next time we tried, I got pregnant with my 2.5 yr old. I had another miscarriage between my 2 girls, which was very hard to deal with because I thought my problem was over, and it was unexpected. That pregnancy had also progressed further than the previous 4 miscarries. They couldn't recover enough tissue for a DNA test on the baby, but I suspect it was a natural loss and not related to my earlier issue. At any rate, I understand why you'd want to pursue with questions of why, and find out what the specialist says. After hearing that you may find that you're on the same "page" as your husband, or he may find there's hope to try again. For myself, my husband and I decided not to try for a 3rd, as I'm also 38 and I don't want to possibly go through the heartbreak of loss for a 6th time. We feel very blessed with our 2 happy, healthy girls. I would say to follow your hearts!

My heart goes out to you...best wishes!

S.,

I can identify with where you're coming from and am sorry for your losses. I myself have had 3 losses. The first one at 8 weeks, the second at 14 weeks and the third at 9 weeks. I should also mention that I have PCOS which makes miscarriage more of a possiblility due to the lower levels of Progesterone made by my ovaries et. After the second loss, I gave up. I was seeing a fertility specialist and they were fantastic, no doubt about it, but it became emotionally and monetarily and physically draining on me to either not conceive or to loose every time I did. After I gave up I got pregnant, on my own, and was ecstatic. I was being monitored and learned that my beta levels were very low as were my progesterone levels. I was put on progesterone but it didn't really help, I lost that baby as well. I again, gave up. Not eve 2 months later I was pregnant again and praying that this time, I could hold on to the baby. They followed me up until I was 12 weeks and released me to my regular OB. I am now 30 weeks with my first child, although my 4th pregnancy and this time, thank God, everything is going OK.

I would do the DNA testing, there may be a very correctable reason that this keeps happening to you. They did genetic and other testing on me to see why this was happening and were about to do more after the last loss when I ended up pregnant again. Sometimes the best way to explain it is that Mother Nature usually has a pretty good quality control plan of action and if something isn't right, the body takes care of it, itself. I know that's not real comforting, but that actually did help me a little. I say go ahead with the testing and then maybe try without "trying", you know? Just enjoy being with your husband. If it was meant to be, it will be.

S.,
I do not know where to start, I have been in your shoes. I have had eight pregnancy losses. One before I had my seven year old and seven in the three years it took for me to get pregnant with my one year old. I look at her every day and know what a miracle she is and how lucky I am. Afer I delivered her, my OB sayed he never thought I would have another baby. I hate to admitt that at many times I thought the same thing, but wow I have her. You have to do what is in your heart. Do see what the specialist has to say. What ever you decide you have to be comfortable with it. I did the whole process with the specialist and did IUI's and IVF. To get pg on my own. There was so many times when I did not know where to turn. Please do listen to the previous message about taking care of yourself. I was at point where I did not want to give up, but needed so much to move on with my life. I was given an article about secondary infertily and it basically stated that we not only morn for the babies we have lost but the family size that we have always wanted. It is different for all. I am sure most of your friends and family think you should just enjoy what you have. They just do not understand how powerful the feeling is when you want another baby and suffer so many losses. As for me I would love another baby but I am very close to 39 and just could not think of loosing another baby. I have to tell myself that on a daily basis. Best of luck.

Suzzane
I am 37 with 2 boys 8 and 6, both adopted. I have also had infertility treatments, needed progesterone through my 4 failed pregnancies. Believe me I feel your pain. Please don't take this the wrong way but you need to be sattisfied with what God has given you. You are truley blessed with having your biological boys. I am blessed with my boys but they both have come with a enormous amounts of physical and mental health problems. I would adopt them again and suggest adopting to you if you feel like you need a third child but your body and hormones have had enough. Your husband is I am sure like all men and can't understand the inner workings of a female mothering brain so give him a break and let it go. I know tough words from a person you dont know but BEEN THERE DOWN THAT. I made my life misserable and almost didnt survive the mental anguish & physical pain. My children saved my life. I know you know what I mean. You will understand more once you have given up and let God take over.Dont let infertility consume your life. Lots of Love